On the shoulders of giants

A few thoughts running through my mind today, January 20, 2021.

What will history books (and our journals) say about this time?

I have been in a baby bubble these past two months, welcoming my third child and first girl into the world. She joined us in early December and I’ve loved learning about her. I was shocked how much she looked like my older boys – they are five and two. And yet, I can feel her unique, fiery energy.

Cripes, we had such trouble naming her. We finally landed on Finley just two days before she was to be officially submitted to the state as “Baby Girl”. Finley resonated with us because it means “hero” and “warrior” and those feel like traits with which a girl born in 2020 needs to identify.

To say that having a baby and a business in 2020 was 'hard' is simply an understatement. The complexity of our relationships, our society, and our communities called on every bit of strength and stretching I had. I was learning, unlearning, making progress and experiencing setbacks, feeling isolated and risking safety just for little bits of human connection. We lost childcare and then got it back. My team doubled. It was a whirlwind that humbled me and drove me to new heights of gratitude.

I stand here wondering what we will recall most about this time in our lives. For me, I'll forever remember this season as one of immense growth – of my family, of my work, of my learning about advocacy, of my passion, of my belly.

I’m deeply grateful for the hard bits and the glorious bits, for the conclusion of my family expansion, and for the start of our Courage at Work movement at Lions + Tigers.

Perhaps not an ideal time to have a baby

In 2019, my husband called my bluff. I talked about my desire for a third kid for a while and he was not feeling it. But then, one day, he looked me square in the eye and said, “Let’s go for it.” I immediately freaked out and questioned our sanity. However, as we got into the New Year of 2020, we both were ready.

I found out I was pregnant a few weeks after the first American died of Covid-19, just seven miles from my home. Visits with my doctor turned virtual, and my girlfriend dates turned into Zoom happy hours. I deeply missed the communal experiences of my previous two pregnancies.

Once Finley was here, it was a complex equation of risk: who will we let see her? when do we let the older kids go back into childcare? how do we protect her grandparents from exposure? literally, how do we feed ourselves?

Everything, everything has been different this time.

Admittedly, I questioned our choice to bring a baby into the world in 2020 up until the moment she was born. In that instant, my daughter and I took a shared breath together and I knew it was exactly the right time. Collectively, we need these warriors to define a new future.

Work-Life See-Saw

I love the imagery of a ‘work-life see-saw’ as opposed to ‘work-life balance’ which feels like a fragile scale. As my family prepared to welcome our last baby, my team at Lions + Tigers had to prepare for me to truly step out.

My first pregnancy was met with a layoff, lack of work, and complete fear. I self-funded my maternity leave because I was a new freelancer without benefits. My second son was born alongside Lions + Tigers, when we only had two clients and five staff, so I worked straight through the early days. This time, I really wanted some time with my baby.

Approaching parental leave as an entrepreneur this time, I felt unafraid. I knew that our systems were built to withstand me stepping out for a bit. Surprisingly, that gave me strength on the personal side. For everything I was questioning around how to navigate motherhood of three, I felt confidence leading our team of more than 50.

It's is funny how work and life are so intertwined such that when one side is going well it can buoy the other, raising the see saw.

On the shoulders of giants

It has been said that Vice President Kamala Harris is “standing on the shoulders of giants”. Kamala represents so many firsts and I need my six-week-old daughter to see her. I need Finley to see a woman persevere through a system not built for her or by her and be recognized for her worthiness. And I personally need to see a woman affectionately called “Momala” by her step-children to advocate for my rights as a working mother.

It is not lost on me that we are all standing on the shoulders of giants. I am experiencing a maternity leave from Lions + Tigers that is only possible thanks to brilliant minds like Terry Rice, Ashley Jude, Lorraine Cunningham, Kimfer Flanery-Rye, and Mike Jensen. Their dedication to our mission of flexibility and inclusion in how we work means that I get to live a life I dream, without fear. And I hope I do the same for them and the rest of our community.

I know one day, I will have to stand with broad and strong shoulders to hold up Finley to the world. I believe she will live in a more equal, just, and forgiving world than we are experiencing today.

For all of our children, I am hopeful today, grateful today, and willing to do the work to lift up others.