Should you tell them that you love them?
Edwin Susskind
Director at Solution Oriented Psychology, Sara Schenirer Seminary Faculty, Humorist
I would like your help in arriving at an answer.
Torah requires us to feel love for others and to act in loving ways. But that doesn’t answer the question of whether we are advised or commanded to give verbal expression to that love.
Does Torah advise that we verbally express our love?
Torah requires us to feel love for others and to act in loving ways.
But that doesn’t answer the question of whether we are advised or commanded to give verbal expression to that love. I am trying to crowd-source a knowledgeable answer to this question.
I understand that we are commanded to love, both in our inner feelings and in our actions of service. However, my question is "are we advised and or commanded to give verbal expression of our love?"
Certainly, much of American psychology says that we need to express our love, affirmation, and admiration for those we care about (spouses, extended family, colleagues, co-workers, fellow congregants).
Is this just American culture or is it a Torah value?
This question is at the heart of Tevye's singing to his wife Goldie "but do you love me?"
Goldie answers essentially "don't my actions show that I love you", which leaves Tevye unsatisfied.
For a lovely rendition of their song go to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_y9F5St4j0
Tevye concludes: "It doesn't change a thing ...but it's nice to know"
Is this just Broadway schmaltz, or is it essence?
When I advise some couples to increase verbal expression of love, admiration, and appreciation, toward spouse, children.... , sometimes I get " you're talking Amerikanishe shtick. This is not the Torah way. My parents never did that."
Is it the Torah way or have I just bought into "Amerikanishe shtick"?
Does Torah advise or even require that we verbally express our love?
Or do we simply "hold" that actions speak louder than words.
Can you help me with an answer?
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4 年A hug wouldn't hurt! ??
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4 年One of my favorite musicals!
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4 年Great question! Years ago someone recommended I read a great book in Chinuch (education) written in Hebrew by a legendary Mechanech (Educator) R Moshe Kletzkin. I also had the privilege to hear his lectures in NY. The greatest takeaway in his book is that children must hear from their parents everyday that they love them! He believes it’s the antidote to many problems in our society today. While our generation, especially those that had holocaust survivors as parents, rarely if ever heard an expression of love, it doesn’t mean we can’t change our language. I know it doesn’t answer your question but I thought it’s worthwhile sharing. Btw, Tevye the milkman aka Fiddler on the roof played by Zero Mostel has many great lessons and historical insights... Thanks for sharing...