Should You Be Grateful for the Hardest Thing in Your Life?

One trait of highly successful people is having a positive outlook on life, always moving forward, always learning – especially when it’s hard. We’re not typically grateful for the “worst” things in our lives. If we want to have a growth mindset, we should be.

A couple of years ago I was volunteering at an event in a community center. I was standing outside, acting as a greeter. Our session was on the second floor and I was waiting on a balcony, watching a pack of young adults socializing and messing around in the courtyard below. They were laughing and talking, moving seamlessly between groups of two or three at a time. They had just finished a game of basketball inside and they were still amped up.

There was something a bit unique about this group. They were all in wheelchairs. One young man, about 25 years old, named Tim, rode the elevator up to where I was, curious about what was going on. We started talking about the world and the way it worked, along with its many mysteries. We became fast friends and our conversation ran deep almost immediately. Tim didn’t mess around. I found out pretty quickly about his life. His body didn’t work in the same way as mine. Tim couldn’t walk, couldn’t really process food properly, and had a host of other pretty severe (in my opinion) health issues. He was “differently abled”, and in a way (from my limited perspective) that I would not wish on anyone.

Tim was talking about reincarnation and how it might work. I asked him “Ok, let’s say after this life, you’re in between lives and you’re planning out the next one. Knowing what you know now, would you choose this type of body again?” He tilted his head, narrowed his eyes and pondered very deeply. “Well, I wouldn’t choose this one. But I’d choose one of these other types of bodies.” With a wave of his arm he pointed to his friends below. “Each one is pretty different, and I think there’s a lot to learn there.”

“Really? Say more about that” I laughed, incredulously, but knowing Tim (for the past 10 minutes), I wasn’t really that surprised.

“I’ve learned so much about humility. About surrender. About learning how to both give and receive unconditional love.” I just smiled and nodded. “Besides, seems like cheating to go the easy way” he said, with a wave of his hand towards me and my wimpy “normal” body.

I never would have guessed it before I spoke with him, but I believe Tim is one of the strongest, bravest, and wisest people I’ve ever had the chance to meet. 

After that conversation, I really started thinking about the hard things in life, and I find myself asking a similar question of people I talk to. They’ll tell me about one hard knock or another from their past. Bullied as a child. Job eliminated. Cancer (and beating it). I often ask them (if enough time has passed) "If you could go back and have a redo, and skip that awful thing, would you do it?" Almost always, the answer is no – they wouldn’t skip it. That hard thing made them stronger. It made them who they really are. It helped them cultivate grit. And…when something hard comes along now in their life now, they’re much better suited to cope with it.

This is true in our work lives as well. We learn from our mistakes way more than our triumphs. The very public product demo that goes horribly wrong. Not checking the contract closely enough. Making the wrong hire. The trick is learning how to embrace those failures for the massive learning opportunities that they are.

Instead of avoiding the hard thing, get curious about it. Examine it deeply. 

If you find yourself struggling with a tricky situation where you’d rather just hit the “fast forward” button on life, try one or both parts of this mental exercise:

1.     Embrace it: 

Think of the person that you trust and respect most in this world for your personal development. Imagine talking to them about this situation. Imagine that they’ve planned this lesson, customized each part of it just for you, with only your best interests in mind. Have a discussion with them about what you’re learning and how it will make you stronger and wiser. End your conversation by thanking them for this lesson. Feel a deep sense of gratitude for the chance to learn.

2.     Embody it:

Imagine yourself in the future – let’s say 10 years later.  Your current situation has long run its course and you are older, much wiser, and more successful because of it. Get a real sense of your success, and how this situation helped shape that success. 

A more junior colleague has come to you looking for advice. They’re going through something similar. What would you tell them? Imagine the conversation that follows.

If we can change our attitude about the hard things – truly appreciating them as gifts for our development rather than some random punishment, we’ll be happier and more successful.

Being grateful for the hardest thing in our life is not easy. Let’s be real. It’s incredibly hard. But with some practice and grit, maybe, like Tim, we’ll get so good at the hard stuff it might start to seem like cheating when things are normal.

Scott Shute is a customer-focused executive, mindfulness leader, and enthusiastic photography nerd. You can follow him on LinkedIn, Instagram (@scottshutephotos), or on his website at www.scottshutephotos.com.