Should you fake compassion to get ahead?
Jennifer Merritt
Audience-focused Editorial Leader in Content Strategy & Operations | Former Journalist | CHIEF Member
It can be hard to empathize with others. But, not doing so can make you look heartless and rude to those around you. And it could keep you from advancing in your career.
Research shows that acting out positive feelings can make you happier and more productive. But how about faking it?
"Many of us say what needs to be said to get the job done. But does that make us inauthentic, or worse, liars?," asks Alina Dizik in her story on the subject. "In the workplace, many of us have glossed over tricky topics to keep from embarrassing others, or pretended to care about something when we didn’t. In fact, mastering this behaviour can be a valuable skill – if used sparingly.... There are times when it pays to come across as caring and compassionate, even if you don’t feel genuine about it."
(Faking it helps only yo a point...)
I get it. And I'm sure I've done it, even though I naturally tend to be more compassionate and empathetic than a lot of my peers. But, what happened to the argument that being authentic is key to success? If your authentic self isn't so desirable, wouldn't it be better to work on that, rather than your acting skills?
Bingo. It turns out the people around you can differentiate between real and fake emotions and actions.
“Disingenuous expressions of empathy are easily picked up by people,” Monica Worline, a research scientist at Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education in California, told Dizik. ‘It’s harder to fake it than you might think.” The result of faking emotions is having colleagues who may not trust you again in other parts of the job, she adds."
And there's the rub. At work and in life we've got all sorts of competing personality traits that are said to help us succeed. If people don't trust you, the other traits and people skills are barely worth developing. It seems, then, rather than faking it, learning real ways to care about others--in a genuine manner--would be the better route.
(Science says we also have to be warm and genuine if we want to build trust.)
Says David Whiteside, a happiness research fellow at Plasticity Labs in the story: “It’s about building the ability to take on someone else’s perspective.” I'd bet doing that would help people well beyond the cubicle.
What do you think? Should people fake empathy and compassion. Do you consider these skills to be learned in order for people to succeed in today's workplace?
Learning Leader | Learning & Development Influencer | Learning Solution Architect | Learner of GenAI Possibilities
6 年I have a slightly different approach.? You can choose to have relationships with people, based on your "read" of their character. The only person you can control, is you!? My perspective is based on the value of earning trust (rather than pretending to care):? ?https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/4-leadership-lessons-from-mid-life-richard-busby/? ??
An interesting and useful post. In particular, your comment you made about the authentic-self sparked a question. That we are seeking our authentic-self means we are currently living through our inauthentic-self. We are now asking our inauthentic-self to work towards being replaced by the authentic-self, and dissolved out of existence. Do we think our inauthentic-self really wants this, and is happy to support itself ceasing to exist? This makes me wonder how you are sure that the inauthentic-self is not deceiving us and creating illusions that we have actually found our authentic self to continue its own existence? I suppose the same question could be asked of the real/unreal and true/untrue self. How do you know, in practice, you've actually found/are your authentic self?
LCSW
7 年I find this to be extremely judgemental. How does the receiver of empathy and compassion know that the giver is being fake? Can their perspective be incorrect? Empathy and compassion can be shown in many ways and is it is difficult to judge what is in another's heart.
Retired School Nurse at Pitman Company
7 年I know people who did
Commercial & Contracts Practitioner ?? in Defence & Technology. ?? Disciple and Ministry student | Passionate about Impactful Solutions
7 年Definitely not. Honesty and integrity are the foundation of sound relationships. When you see consistent behaviour, you begin to trust someone. Faking it can only go so far - sooner or later something will give and the pattern of consistency will break. To thine own self be true.