Should You Confront Employees? Here's What Leaders Need to Know

In today’s conversation on leadership, we hear a lot about the importance of caring, serving, and empathizing with employees. It’s a beautiful ideal—until reality sets in.

What do you do when employees cross the line?

At the end of the day, being “nice” isn’t enough. You won’t succeed in Leadership by avoiding difficult conversations.

Your job is to navigate them with clarity and confidence while maintaining trust and respect.

But let’s face it: the idea of confronting employees can feel uncomfortable, even risky.

• What if you damage the relationship?
• What if it affects engagement?
• What if you spark retaliation?

These fears are real, and they can paralyze even the most experienced leaders.

When Employees Cross the Line

Any of these situations seem familiar?

• A team member interrupts you at all hours, even during personal time.
• Someone undermines your authority in front of others, eroding trust.
• Someone bypassing the chain of command to go above your head because they didn’t like your answer.
• Deadlines or processes are ignored without discussion.
• Resistance to critical organizational changes stifles progress.

These situations aren’t just frustrating for you — they disrupt productivity, morale, and your ability to lead effectively.

So, should managers confront employees when these boundaries are crossed?

My answer: absolutely—as long as we confront the right thing.

How to Confront the Right Thing

The key to confronting employees while maintaining trust lies in how you approach the situation.

Step 1: Confront the Situation

When it comes to addressing challenges with employees, the way you perceive the problem will directly influence how you communicate about it. The key is to remember this simple truth: don’t confront the person, confront the situation.

People Aren’t Problems.

No one wakes up in the morning determined to be difficult. Most behaviors, even the challenging ones, are attempts to meet a need. That doesn’t mean the behavior is appropriate or effective, but it does mean there’s a deeper issue at play.

By recognizing this, you can shift your mindset:

• It’s not the person who’s the problem—it’s how they’re trying to meet their needs.
• All behavior serves a purpose, and often, it’s the most effective strategy the person knows at that moment.

Ask the Right Question

Instead of focusing on “why are they like this,” ask, “What’s the actual issue here?” This question reframes the situation, allowing you to separate the person from their actions. Once you identify the underlying issue, you can focus your energy on addressing it together.

Change Your Communication

When you perceive the problem as the situation, not the person, your communication naturally shifts:

• Empathy Increases: You approach the conversation with curiosity rather than judgment.
• Blame Reduces: Instead of assigning fault, you explore solutions.
• Collaboration Grows: You frame the conversation as a partnership to resolve the issue, not a confrontation to “fix” the individual.

For example:

• Instead of saying: “You’re being disruptive in meetings.”
• Say: “I’ve noticed there’s been some tension in meetings, and it’s affecting the team’s flow. Can we talk about what’s going on and how we can address it together?”

This approach communicates that you value the person, even if their behavior isn’t meeting expectations. It also invites them to be part of the solution, fostering accountability without creating defensiveness.

By focusing on the situation rather than the person, you create space for a constructive conversation that leads to growth—not just for the individual, but for the relationship and the team as a whole

Step 2: Stay Empathetic to the Employee

Empathy is one of the most powerful tools a leader can wield—but it’s often the first thing to disappear when faced with challenging behavior. When we perceive someone as an “enemy” to confront, our natural empathy declines, and our focus shifts to assigning blame rather than solving the problem.

However, by reframing the issue and focusing on the situation rather than the person, we can reclaim our empathy and use it to strengthen the relationship while addressing the behavior.

Get Curious: What’s Driving the Behavior?

Behind every action is a need. Instead of jumping to conclusions, approach the situation with genuine curiosity. Ask yourself:

• What might this person be trying to achieve with their behavior?
• Are they under stress, feeling unheard, or lacking clarity on expectations?

Curiosity shifts your mindset from frustration to understanding, allowing you to see the person as someone navigating a challenge—not as someone who’s intentionally creating one.

Dig Deeper: There’s Always an Underlying Issue

Surface-level behaviors often mask deeper concerns. For example:

• A team member who consistently interrupts might be struggling with anxiety or fear of being overlooked.
• Someone resisting a new process may feel a loss of control or uncertainty about their role. By digging deeper and seeking to understand the root cause, you demonstrate that you care about the individual—not just their output.

Become Their Partner: Commit to Resolving This Together

Collaboration is key. When you approach the issue as a partnership, you show the employee that you’re invested in their success—not just in “correcting” them. Phrases like, “Let’s figure this out together” or “How can we make this work for both of us?” signal that you’re on the same side, working toward a shared goal.

This builds trust and opens the door for constructive dialogue, making it easier for the employee to acknowledge their behavior and take ownership of the solution.

Validate Without Agreeing

Understanding someone’s perspective doesn’t mean you have to agree with their behavior. Validation is about acknowledging their emotions and experiences as real, not endorsing their actions. For example:

• “I can see that you’re frustrated about the recent changes, and I want to understand more about what’s challenging for you.” This response shows empathy while leaving room to address the behavior in a constructive way.

Create Trust and Clarity

By staying empathetic, you create a foundation of trust that allows for open communication. This is critical for addressing the behavior constructively while maintaining boundaries. Make it clear that while you respect the person, the behavior needs to change. For example:

• “I value your contributions to the team, but missing deadlines is impacting our progress. Let’s talk about what’s going on and how we can improve moving forward.”

Strengthen Relationships While Solving Problems

When you address issues with empathy and clarity, something remarkable happens: you not only solve the immediate problem, but you also strengthen the relationship. Employees feel heard, respected, and supported, which fosters loyalty and engagement.

This approach allows you to maintain respect and accountability without compromising boundaries. And ultimately, it transforms challenging conversations into opportunities for growth—both for the individual and the team.

By focusing on empathy, collaboration, and understanding, you’ll build stronger, more resilient relationships and a culture of trust that thrives even in the face of challenges.

It’s a powerful way to maintain respect and accountability without compromising boundaries.

Through my work with hundreds of leaders, I’ve seen firsthand how confronting issues effectively transforms teams, for example:

• A manager rebuilt trust with a skeptical team member, turning them into a loyal ally.
• A leader redefined boundaries and saw their team step up with greater ownership and accountability.
• Another leader successfully addressed inappropriate behaviors while strengthening relationships and boosting team morale.

These outcomes aren’t accidental—they’re the result of clear strategies and intentional action.

Want to Learn How to Navigate Boundaries with Confidence?

Join me for the free Masterclass: Boundaries & Balance: How Great Leaders Build Respect Across the Organisation (Without Losing Themselves).

In this session, you’ll discover:

? How to confront issues effectively without damaging relationships.

? Proven strategies for setting and maintaining boundaries that protect your time and energy.

? How to foster trust and collaboration while addressing tough situations.

This isn’t just about solving problems—it’s about leading with clarity, confidence, and empathy.

If you’re ready to redefine how you lead, claim your seat by registering for this Free Masterclass.

Leadership isn’t about avoiding hard conversations. It’s about navigating them in a way that leaves everyone stronger—your team, your results, and you as a leader.

Let’s make that your reality.

Rooting for your success,

Melissa