Should we let them win?

For those of you that have read my previous posts, you all know that I was a very competitive kid. I am still competitive however I can now contain my emotions and control how I turn up in any competitive environment (most of the time anyway :) ).? Having said that, I used to get pretty upset when I would lose a game. Any game of anything. I also don’t remember ever feeling like I won because the other person let me win.?

The only side story about that is the day I caught my first fish - I was around 7 years old. I was away with my family on vacation, likely on the NSW North Coast. We had a picnic adventure day which included fishing - it was my first time, so I was excited. Anyway, my dad handed me the fishing handline and I began to hold it. I can’t remember the exact details now but after a little while I began to pull in the line and saw that I caught a fish. I was beyond thrilled. So proud. Beaming from ear to ear. Like I had won a gold medal at the Olympics. Classic kid stuff!

Anyway, years later, like many years later, probably as an adult, my dad shared with me that he had caught it and passed it to me without me knowing so the fish was already on the line. Yes, clearly we caused that fish significant trauma, but this was the 80’s right??

No idea why my dad did that, but clearly, he had something in his mind about providing me with a sense of confidence and a can-do attitude that then I could perhaps apply to other things in my life. Perhaps he occasionally saw a bad attitude where if I knew I couldn’t do something or win at something I didn’t try, and this experience would provide me a little impetus in assisting me in the process. I’ll never know!

Fast forward to today with my kids. I have read, and do subscribe to the adage, don’t let your kids win because they’re your kids. Compete with them and support their competitive spirit to win on their own accord. Don’t let them win because it will give them a false sense of achievement, and that will affect their confidence when they are out there in the world of what is realistic and likely to happen, i.e., they will likely lose. Don’t fill them with false hopes etc.

Not sure I agree 100% with this approach.?

In whatever I do against my kids (and yes as they get older, it's probably more the case), just play/compete with them like you would anyone else. Try to win and have a great game. So many lessons in losing and sportsmanship here of course. Enjoy the experience and the camaraderie in spending time together and competing. Not knowing who will win and play enough to be good spirited. Clearly it's a range of intensity depending on the sport/game, ages of kids, maturity and capability in that activity, but still try.

Having said that, I have to agree with my Dad, that occasionally it's important to let the kids compete but let them win (but not that obviously) so that it contributes to their self confidence and abilities also. I know there is no exact system and clearly so many variables, but I do subscribe to the occasional fake loss if I think it will assist in their self confidence, self esteem, mood and overall demeanor. Yes I can get it wrong but I’ll try and get it right most of the time of course.?

Self belief and personal courage is the number ONE thing all kids need to take on the challenges of the world. So when they are disappointed and fail in whatever they do, they have the courage to get back up and try again. That is our mission as parents.?

Enable our kids to have the courage to take on the big bad and sometimes rewarding world out there, no matter what they choose for their dreams and journeys.