Should we learn to become "shame resilient"?

Her most recent book, Dare to Lead, Brene' Brown takes a deeper dive into her body of work around vulnerability and shame within organizations. Brown defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging and connection." Shame can effect our lives in many ways. In our work lives, shame can erode our ability to participate in teams effectively. It can also inhibit systems of "innovation, trust, connection and culture."

"Shame in an organizational culture is devastating." It shows up as complicity and works to cover up the organization's darkest characteristics. "When an organizational culture mandates that it is more important to protect the reputation of that system and those in power than it is to protect basic human dignity of individuals, you may be certain of the following problems within the organization: shame is systemic, complicity is part of the culture, money and power trump ethics, accountability is dead, control and fear are management tools, and there is a trail of devastation and fear." Brene' Brown

Several words in that passage are heavily charged and dramatic; shame, complicity, fear, control, money, power, "trump"(not going there), ethics, and devastation. The words can also elicit strong feelings all on their own so when the actions they represent are embedded in our culture and we encounter them everyday, the negativity becomes part of everyday life and seemingly less real. You might be thinking it's overly dramatic; "those things do not happen in my organization" or "I am not apart of those kinds of activities" but you are indeed part of the organizational system. And shame is often hidden in our organizational culture and insidious, or difficult to perceive. We have not become immune or resistant to the effects but rather desensitized.

Other overt symptoms of shame in an organization include favoritism, push to conform, being inflexible, perfectionism, back-channeling, comparison, discrimination, nitpicking, power over, blaming, etc. More blatant indicators of shame being used as a management tool can feel like no one has a voice or are left feeling that work is not valued.

So how do we as individuals working within an organization where shame is present in the culture learn to become "shame resilient" and is it enough to be resilient? For an individual to gain capacity for resilience would include practicing authenticity, embrace experience without sacrificing values, and encouraging empathy. I recommend reading the full text of "Dare to Lead" and "Daring Greatly" for more detail on this approach. This alone is a huge challenge but at its end is not enough.

I suggest that we need to add another component to the mix. In order to truly be resilient vs. resistant, I believe individuals also must work to improve the system. While we can change our behavior and response to cultural interactions (shame), behavior change will be a daunting task to sustain if we are left working within the flawed system. In order to truly "dare", we must consider our personal resistance to the effects of shame as much as our contribution to the system. Brown elaborates on "empathy" as the "anecdote" to shame, of which I agree but also feel that we need to take a more active role in challenging systems change. One without the other will not result in any long term or sustainable system change.

I am interested to know your thoughts and experiences.

#brenebrown #daretolead #daringgreatly #change

*Note: I endeavor to give full credit to Brene' Brown's body of work and if I have failed to indicate such within my narrative, please know it is not intentional.