Should We Cut Off Complainers at Work?

 I read an article in INC. by Jessica Stillman recently about complaining and her suggestion was we should cut “complainers” out of our life. This is exactly the kind of thinking that ripens the world for mental illness. Sidewalk Talk, a community listening project I run, is trying to educate the public just how much listening matters by practicing listening on the streets of cities all over the world. So you can imagine how much Ms. Stillman's article bummed me out.

Why? Because it is a total illusion that mental illness is just a problem that happens inside the individual sufferers. Mental illness is prolonged in how we all collectively relate to one another. Callousness, shunning, judging, isolating and not listening or relating spread the germs of mental illness to us all.

Compassionate listening is an antibiotic. I believe in my bones if we all learned compassionate listening skills we would not have the mental health crisis we have in modern society. 

Know that Ms. Stillman makes some good points about complainers. The problem with her article is she offers the wrong solution. Surface level listening to complaining is exhausting and can leave us feeling negative.

This is precisely why we all need to learn compassionate listening skills – a slight twist on the utilitarian listening we often do in the workplace. If any of us wants to benefit from the wisdom in complaints or contribute to the health of organizations and their people, then we must learn to listen differently, not discriminate. We have a problem of listening, not complaining.

I feel so passionately about LISTENING, I am going to offer a FREE listening training next Thursday at 4 pm. 25 minutes. Sign up here.

You can read this full write up on listening to complaining in PSYCHED Magazine here.