Should Pilots Be Married?

After the German Wings suicidal crash Turkish Airlines CEO Temel Kotil encourages single pilots to marry. I remember when I had the privilege of interviewing former Lufthansa Chief Pilot, Dieter F. Uchtdorf for an interview when was writing for Aviazione Civile magazine in Italy. Prior to becoming Chief Pilot, Captain Uchtdorf had spent 3 years (1975-1978) as director of the of the Lufthansa Pilot Training School in Arizona. One of the things he would do periodically is have one to one interviews with these young cadet pilots and ask them about their well-being. He would also counsel them to get married, stay faithful and stay married, as this would give them psychological stability that would help them in their careers.

In 2008 Flight International columnist David Learmount wrote an article titled; “Don’t Marry a Pilot” and stated:

"But it’s by no means all he/she needs. Pilots must have a gypsy soul to survive. That may not be new, but it’s particularly true right now as the downturn bites.
Ideally, pilots should have no family ties beyond mum and dad. If they acquire a family en route, every member of it has to be incredibly tolerant of the pilot’s chosen lifestyle."

Having flown for a number of different airlines in 4 different countries, flying with over 65 different nationalities I have met my fair share of colleagues. I have been blessed with a great wife that tuned-in very well to the pilot-lifestyle. When Silvia and I got married we agreed I would not take a job away from home or we would move to where the job was all together as a family. Being the wife of a pilot isn't easy because you end up having to do a lot on your own. We have always spoken and prayed together everyday, no matter where I have been, and this connection to each other and God has helped us over the many obstacles you are faced with in life.

Unfortunately, I would say around 80% of pilots have at least one divorce behind them and I have witnessed many colleagues cheating on their wives. But I am not here to talk about the negatives, but what you can do to make things work.

The Airline Pilot job requires a lot of physical and mental energy and is not an easy  thing do deal with. I have found the stable rostering system I experienced in Ryanair to be the best both for the pilot and his/her family lifestyle. I would fly 5 days on and have 4 days off. This enabled us to plan life a lot better and gave me time to recuperate. I have always been a sporty type and running, martial arts, going to the gym and yoga have all helped. As a family we have always developed common interests. For example we all play golf, it is not just a dad thing. Also yoga and martial arts is something we have been pursuing as a family. My wife is also big into natural healing, so we have attended many seminars together and watch a lot of dvds on the subject. I would say above all make your spouse your best friend. I have also always connected to my wife ad kids every day while on the road. They tell me about their day and I tell them about mine, this keeps us involved in what the other is doing.

Leaving your family in one country and you working in another is never a good idea. When living in the Middle East, Silvia came with me. We were out there for just over two years. It wasn't easy to uproot everyone and everything from England and move to a place that wasn't and never would be home. However, we were there as a family and went through the experience together. Most colleagues that left their families in their home country, ended up having one or more girlfriends, with their marriage ending in divorce.

Whatever you choose to do, your family should come first and within the family your spouse should come first. If you are engaged talk about what rules you are going to lay down about this family-work balance. If your wife is the type that wants to stay close to her mother and family and you get offered a job the other side of the world this is going to be difficult to manage. I would say a pilots wife has to be well-travelled and be willing to travel. When you visit new countries and live and work abroad your mind expands and you grow and develop, make your family part of this, by taking them with you.

Silvia and I have ben married 18 years this upcoming 25th May, of which 14 I spent  flying full-time and we made it work well. Now I am in business I travel a bit but when I can I take the family with me. Our kids, being homeschooled, gives us this type of flexibility.

Flying is a lot like life and there are many lessons that can be learnt. In my latest literary effort I tell the story of young Mark looking for a path in life in "Born to Fly'...

Fabrizio Poli is an Aviation Analyst & Managing Partner of Boutique Aviation Company Tyrus Wings. He is also an accomplished Airline Transport Pilot having flown both private Jets and for the airlines. Fabrizio is also a bestselling author and inspirational speaker. You can tune in weekly to Fabrizio's business Podcast Living Outside the Cube.

Fabrizio can be reached on:

Email: fabrizio.poli@tyruswings.com Mobile: +44 7722 350 017