Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

One of the most common themes I've seen this year is people making the brave decision of letting go of what's not right for them. It can be so scary letting go of relationships that aren't right for you, so you can make room in your life for something healthier, loving, fun and long-lasting.

You may have been in a similar situation yourself, whether you are single and struggling to let go of someone you loved, whether you are dating someone who you are unsure about or whether you've been in a relationship for 20 years and things aren't feeling as exciting as they did in the beginning.

So let's talk about some simple questions that you can ask yourself to find out if you are in the right relationship or whether it's time to consider to let go.?

1.?Your nervous system: Do they soothe your nervous system or do they activate it??This has been huge in my studies of relationships, often unhealthy relationships activate the fight, flight or fawn response often vs soothing their partner.?

2. Do you feel the need to protect yourself in the relationship by monitoring their actions, moods and thoughts?? Often, in unhealthy relationships, one partner develops hypervigilence where they are almost obsessive about what their partner is doing, thinking or feeling, and they feel the need to fix and firefight the relationship.???

3. Do you find yourself making excuses for their behaviour??There's a big link to trauma bonds in unhealthy relationships and it creates the desire to protect the relationship because losing the relationship can feel like "life or death". Often, the more withdrawn partner will make excuses for their behaviour, share that they are making an effort when there has been no actions taken to improve the relationship - only lip service.?

4. Do you find yourself being the one who puts the most work into the relationship??It can be tough having deep and meaningful conversations to improve connection and intimacy by addressing problems and issues. Do you find yourself being the main person that's willing to have these conversations? Is your partner grateful for you having these conversations or do they see you as the problem instead?

5. Do you feel your emotional needs matter in the relationship??Toxic relationships whether they are romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships often minimise your emotional needs, and they will often turn themselves into the victim when you share your emotional needs. For example "I don't know why you feel this way, I've been through worse than that", "you are so emotional/sensitive/needy", "that's ridiculous to feel that way", "don't you care about how I feel?" - they will often deflect what you are needing or feeling and bring the focus back to their own needs.?

These questions will give you the foundation to review your relationship honestly (as the truth is no one knows your relationship as well as you do). But it's so important to be honest with yourself.?

As often with these types of relationships, there's a lot of fear where change is concerned.?These tend to be the main fears:?

1. I will never find someone as good as them (often this is because the toxic partner will belittle their partner so the victim sees their partner as better than them vs an equal) .

2. No one else will love me because of......?(often toxic partners will pick faults in their partners to decrease their self-confidence so they will not leave them).?

3. I'm afraid of being alone.?(Toxic relationships arode the confidence that you have in your own ability, so it can seem scary to do everything alone - until you realise that you do the majority of things alone anyway!!)?

Everyone's situation is different, so if you feel the need for support and insight on your relationship or you are looking to avoid these types of relationship dynamics in the future then feel free to drop me a message and I'll be more than happy to see how I can help and what insights I can offer for your unique situation.?

After all, you deserve REAL love.

(Message me directly or email me at [email protected] and I'll reply to you within 24hrs to help)