Should I Ignore My Coworker's Suggestive Remark or Speak Up?
Johnny C. Taylor, Jr., SHRM-SCP
President & CEO, SHRM, F500 Board Director
This article originally appeared in USA Today's Ask HR on February 4, 2020.
Question: Last week at a company happy hour, my co-worker made a sexually suggestive comment to me when no one was around. I have no problem with her, but it did make me feel uncomfortable. Should I pretend like it didn’t happen or tell someone about it? – Anonymous
Johnny C. Taylor, Jr: American workers often spend more of their waking hours with co-workers than with their own families. This familiarity can lead people to feel comfortable addressing others casually, especially after a few drinks, and sometimes in ways that are inappropriate in a professional setting.
What you certainly should not do is pretend it didn’t happen. As with most tricky interpersonal situations, the best approach is an open and honest conversation. Be transparent with your co-worker by sharing that while her comment may have been well-intentioned, it made you feel uncomfortable.
Be specific and explain your feelings to her without accusation. You can ask her not to do it again – respectfully, of course. Any sign of hostility will only strain your relationship further.
After your conversation, wait and evaluate her reaction. If she apologizes, expresses remorse and changes her behavior, that may solve your problem. People make mistakes and have lapses in judgment sometimes, but if they are genuinely apologetic and course-correct, then hopefully you can move forward.
On the other hand, if she refuses to respect your request, then it may be time to involve HR. More likely than not, your company’s policy on sexual harassment requires you to tell HR when something like this occurs – even if that occurrence wasn’t at work. This is important to understand because even off-site incidents can have a profound effect on employee relations in the workplace.
So, yes, tell someone about it. Tell the person who made you feel uncomfortable as a first step. Hopefully, your co-worker will understand and respect your wishes. But if she doesn’t, no matter how things turn out, just remember the first step for you will be starting that conversation.
?? Resume Writer + ??Job Search Coach | 30+ years HR experience | I Help Ambitious Professionals Land Jobs?? | On Signal, HRMeg.11
5 年I appreciate the suggestion to start with a direct conversation first before going to HR. Employees should try to work things out before involving management or HR. (Unless it's egregious.)
Johnny C. Taylor, Jr., SHRM-SCP Crazy enough as the HR Professional in the office, I have had someone say something borderline to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I have no problem being direct and letting others know that they are at or have crossed ‘the’ line. If you do not address people right away they have no way of knowing that they have offended you or made you uncomfortable.
Sr. Human Resources Business Partner | SHRM-SCP | Relationship Builder | People & Culture Advocate | Strategic Consultant & Thought Partner | Trusted Advisor | Talent & Performance Management | Integrity Driven
5 年I 100% concur with the first step. Speak to one another first. Set your boundaries and teach others how you want to be treated.
Health Consultancy | *Views are my own*
5 年I would definitely encourage that that person to say they found it inappropriate - there is far more opportunity for that relationship continuing successfully when it’s done that way. I also think it shows an incredibly amount of respect.
Director of Project Management | Marketer | Client Success | Women Who Succeed Mentor
5 年I think I verge on ignoring it when the comment seems out of character. If it is out of character for someone should you say something right away? I would definitely say something if they did it a second time and just say, "You know this is the second time you've said something of this nature, so I wanted to let you know I feel these kinds of comments are inappropriate at work." Any thoughts?