Short Story: A retreat to the self: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Everybody leaves

It was almost time for Devan to go back. I had had a friend in him. Though it’s just been a few weeks of bonding.

‘Maya…if you don’t mind, can we go for a walk after you are done ?’

'Sure, Devan…I’ll just be out in … 20 minutes?’

‘ok done..I’ll wait for you..outside..’

‘Sure'

After the last patient also walked out, I gathered my bag and umbrella and walked out to find Devan, leaning on a tree, ruminating.

'Hello…let’s go ?'

‘Yes Maya'

We walked in silence for a mile or two. And then he stopped.

‘Maya, I’ll have to go back to Trivandrum in a few days. Before leaving, I have to tell you something. I don’t know how you will take it, but I’ll tell it anyway. I’m the eldest son of my parents and the only unmarried one. I am 45 years old and a vegan. There isn’t much to know about me. I’m just a simple man. If you agree, I would like to marry you."

This was totally unexpected. I knew he was unmarried. I knew he is a good and simple fellow. But I wasn’t expecting this.

‘I … I’m not sure what to say…I … '

‘Maya, I don’t need a reply now. Let’s take it slowly. You have ample time to decide. Once you are done, one call is all you need to do and I’ll be here. Ok?.’

'Hmm..'

He spoke his mind and left. I never saw Devan again. Nor heard about him. But, in all probability, he must have heard about what happened with me, that is why he never returned.

Days rolled on monotonously. Ma and I lived on as if we were the only ones inhabiting the world. Once in a while, we reminisce about how we lived happily as a family in our house in Trivandrum. How loving and religious Achan was, how he gifted ma a little Krishna in a bid to calm her when Srikanth left for Cochin first and then Delhi. Srikanth being the first male child, and ma being a staunch Lord Krishna devotee, ma often saw Srikanth as her little Krishna.

Now the Krishna stands on a table by our pooja room, smiling and witnessing all our activities, a silent listener to our conversations.

Srikanth had called after a long gap of three months. There is a contraption of a phone in our house, but since nobody calls, it rarely shrieks. So when it does, it sounds ominous. He and Priya, his wife, are expecting a child in a few months. He expects to see ma at our house in Trivandrum to receive him and his fully pregnant wife.

A few more months of our little heaven. Once again storm strikes. It is the month of monsoon, incessant and heavy downpour, punctuated by monstrous thunder and lightning, with no sense of time, it just pours and pours, relentlessly.

I take ma to our Trivandrum home and help her clean and settle in. Srikanth will be here in a day. I had asked for two weeks' leave only. I didn’t intend to stay long in the company of a brother and sister-in-law who never bothered to check on me or my mother, all these years.

The next day they arrived at half past noon, had lunch with a voracious appetite, as if he ate not a morsel all these years, and went off to a snoring slumber.

At tea time, we sat and he began to noisily munch on crisps that ma fried.

'So Maya..what’s up??’

‘Nothing much…the usual work.. home.. life’

'Hmm, I see……I heard that now Devan is with you..eh… I mean works with you’

‘Yes… He had come on deputation.. Will leave soon.’

‘hmm.. Don’t hobnob with him much.. Keep your distance..not a trustworthy fellow’--- says the brother who never bothered to grace his sister with so much of a call.

He had come not just to deliver his baby, but to whisk my ma away too. Once the birth was done with, it was time to go back to their life, their bit of heaven on earth. And when ma asked him what about Maya, he said wryly

‘what about Maya. She is a grown-up woman, she'll manage. The baby is a top priority now. I haven’t asked anything from you ma. Ever. I lived all my life alone. Now, I need you. All these years you were serving her. I’m just asking for you to come with us for a year or two. Once the baby is big enough, you can come back.’

I don’t mean to judge him. I really don’t. I know he wanted his baby's safety. Priya was not able to conceive all these years, the first time she did, in the third year of their marriage, Priya miscarried. After two to three years of trial and error, finally, all efforts paid off and Priya was carrying once again. I understand his anxiety.

But it’s the tone in which he says it, the matter-of-factly way of saying it that hurts me. How callously he says Maya will manage, of course, Maya will manage because that is what she had been doing all her life- first when Srikanth left, Maya managed to hold the family from breaking, when Sid left, Maya managed, when her sole emotional anchor, her dear Achan left, Maya managed, when her life was battered again, with Prasad's death, Maya managed.

I was packing my stuff. I have to catch an early bus tomorrow morning. I had two more days' leave, but I decided to go back early. They will all be leaving for Delhi in a week.

Ma walked in with her eyes welling with tears.

‘Ma, why are you sad? I’m fine. You know I’ll be fine'

‘I can’t bear …. To leave you alone…I want to come with you Maya..my child…I know your heart aches…I know it’s ripples. I have seen it…I have always known it…’

'ma, it’s ok..I’m fine.. I have my clinic and a few friends there and you know our little Kanan (Lord Krishna) there…He will look after me.’

'hmmm.. Yes… It's your's now… your Achan gave me when Sri left..I'm giving it to you when I leave'

‘You are not leaving ma..just a few years '

‘I don’t feel so.. I know it... I’m not coming back here.. I feel I’m leaving forever.. I don’t know why but I feel it..’

‘don’t over-think ma..haven't Achan always told you not to strain yourself by overthinking, Sri is right….he needs you… now, more than ever. Take it as a chance for you to be with him. You always said you never got him enough. You could never love him to your heart's content.'

‘hmm.. Yes… Kanan will look after you.. My kanan…’

I left early in the morning after giving ma a tight hug and taking all her fragrance I can carry in one long breath.

Before leaving I hugged Srikanth and he hugged me too.

'I'll call you. Be safe my dear Maya'

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