Short Story: An Odious Journey: Chapter 4,5,6
Chapter 4: Nightmare
After that horrifying evening, Bala never bothered me at all, but I kept feeling his presence. He can’t be seen, but I know he is around, lurking in the shadows, once the sun sets, it’s his time to begin his evil whispers. That was his hobby, his pass-time, to scare me, to see that he can control me, a morbid pleasure in watching a hapless woman writhe in pain, running away from just a gaze. Without lifting a finger, he could make me dance to his tunes. How callously, he enjoyed it. Scaring me, chasing me to the darkest corners, where I thought I saw creatures, twisting and turning among themselves, slithering beings, creeping all over me, crawling on my skin, making me want to retch.
Do you know the helplessness when you know somebody is playing a nasty game with you, but even yourself is in a denial? How will I convince Sree then, if I can’t convince myself of what I’m experiencing, what I go through every single night, what I feel in my skin, his gaze, his touch but I can’t see it? I bear no witnesses to my plight, not even my own eyes.
One evening as I strolled the garden, I thought I heard a cry…an animal crying..barely a whimper..like a pup's whimper.
I walked towards the sound to find a mongrel, with half a forearm, its one ear half bitten off, eyes dropping and bleak, without a hint of life in them, altogether it was such a sorry sight.
I took it in my arms and gave it a clean-up. Once inside the house, I gave it a little warm milk. Within a few days, it regained health and though it still limped its way, it became one happy little puppy. I was so elated, I had it at my feet all the time, bouncing up and down whenever it sees me, running behind me in circles, playing joyfully, and I finally had a companion with me all the time.
It hated Bhavaniamma. The second it saw her, it would tentatively bark at her, then immediately retrace to find me, only to hide behind my saree.
I named it Laali. Laali was the name of a little kitten I had had as a child.
Laali would prance around all day long and the minute it was dark, it never leaves me. It was probably attacked by other street dogs at night. It fears night, just like me. It had the uncanny ability to sniff Bala's presence, even much before he enters a room. He would give out caterwauling shrills. At first, I chided him to stop, but then I understood his uneasiness was not unfounded, just like me.
Dogs and cats can hear and see what normal human eyes cannot discern. Laali probably sniffed out Bala's malevolence.
It was time for Sree to return. He had said the temple festivities would be over in two weeks' time. I took a bath, washed my hair in jasmine oil, put on my sandalwood saree, matched it with a crimson red blouse, and sat in the front room near the window, with Laali at my feet, awaiting Sree.
I heard a screeching sound, Laali leaped to my lap, and I sat there shivering.
I didn’t want to go see what had happened, but something told me I should. I walked with bated breath, with Laali limping at my side, towards the room from where the scream elicited.
I just barely peeped in, when a mighty pull drew me into its dark interior.
Bala….my brain let out a signal recognizing the evil grinning face my eyes saw…
He caught my arm behind my body, and held me firmly in his grip, Laali trotting and screaming all the while at my feet. He thrust Laali with one thrash of his feet and looked deep into my eyes, now welling with tears of fear, sweating profusely, wanting to scream, but my words seem to have been smothered in my throat.
Laali came back in one swift movement and bit him on his leg, he let his one arm that was holding my arms, picked Laali, and threw him out of the window, screaming he landed with a thud. I tried to scream and he instantly covered my mouth with his rough hands. With one sideward glance, I saw Bhavaniamma watching it all with a stoic gaze, at the window. I couldn’t see her feet, but I heard Laali's cries over and over again. I knew she was doing him harm.
He looks back at me, not letting me go, thrusting me against the wall, I struggled to let go. He came closer, I could smell his breath, his mouth almost touching my ears, he tightened his grip on my wrist behind and whispered
'Don't scream…I don’t intend to harm you…unless you want it....(grinning)...I just wanted to see you like this, at my mercy, crying….begging…’
He came closer to my neck and sniffed at my hair, I winced trying desperately to let go of his mutilating hold.
‘All dolled up for your dear Sree…what if he doesn’t come?? What will you do? Whom do you have? Aren’t you an orphan just like me? He knows it all. Do you think Sree doesn’t know? He leaves you here, at my mercy'
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‘Ammmuuuuu…..Ammmuuuuu…..wake up'
‘Leave me.. Ask him to leave me..just leave me alone..’
‘Ammuuuuuu… Ammuuu it’s ok.. It was just a bad dream.'
'You never trust me, do you, one day he'll kill you and me, don’t trust me
'Ammu…come here..just lie down near me..I’m here…just be calm..there’s nothing to fear…’
As I lie on his chest, in his warm embrace, my heart still thumping against my chest, racing, slowly it relaxes and be in rhythm with Sree's breath.
It’s nothing. It’s all my hallucination. Like this dream, I know it’s all a figment of my lonesome mind's imagination. I reassure myself. I comfort myself.
And then I hear footsteps as if someone is rummaging through the dried fallen leaves, slowly, pacing towards the window to peek inside and lock me in its boring gaze.
Where is Laali?? What happened to him??
Chapter 5
Found a mound
The first thing I did the next morning was to check on Laali. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I ran pell-mell looking for him everywhere, but he was nowhere to be seen. I find Bhavaniamma staring at me,
‘Where is it?? I’m asking you where is it, you vile creature…did you kill it ??’
She just stares back, Sree comes in and stares at me with anger
'What's wrong with you?’
‘I had a dog…my Laali…she killed it.. I know it.. She stamped it to death’-- and I began to cry copiously.
‘How could you accuse Bhavaniamma with such horrendous crime Ammu??? you know she is like my mother, she raised me.'
'Ask her then…ask her..where is my Laali..'
‘Bala said about a dingy dog you have taken a liking for, it’s a street mongrel, it would have gone just like it came'
‘NOOOOO…NOOOO…..’ I screamed.
‘It wouldn’t go away, I know it…they killed it…you will never believe me, will you? Your brother, your mother…All are dear to you…it’s only me right??? I hallucinate all this right ??’ I fell down crying.
'Ammu… We need to seek help. I’ll take you to a doctor, first thing in the morning ok?’
‘You think I’m mad?'
I felt like the world is spinning. I think I collapsed. The next thing I remember, I was lying in bed, sweating, someone touching my arms.
‘Sreeeeee…’ I call in a feeble voice . . half awake half in slumber.
I see his face, bearded, a handsome face with chiseled-out features. What a beautiful countenance. Who is this? It's not Sree. Where am I?
I rub my eyes and get up to see who is touching my hands, trying to hold it in his.
‘NOOOOOOOO… DON’T TOUCH ME…GET OUT… GET THE HELL OUT….’
‘Ammuuu….Ammuuu….’
That’s Sree's voice ..where is he???
Sree comes and takes me in his arms, Bala now standing away from my bed, watching with the innocence of a child.
'Ammu… I had to go out…it was me who asked Bala to be with you..in case you need anything.'
'Ask him to go out, that is what I want.'
'Ammuuu....'
'It’s ok Sree, let Ammu take rest, I’ll wait outside.'
After two days of convalescence, I was getting better, physically and emotionally. I woke up to the happy shrill of a lonesome mynah's litany and the relentless pecking of a woodpecker.
A semblance of normalcy was restored in the house. I made evening tea and carried it on a tray to Sree.
‘Where is he???’ I asked
'Who? Bala??? He has gone to the attic, to get some of his old books.'
Speak of the devil…
'Hi Ammu…seeing you after a while..all good?’
'Ammu, give Bala also a cup of tea, he might need it.’
‘Yes yes..badly need one, I had been on a sneezing spree with all the dust in the attic.'
He giggles with Sree joining him. What a happy family !!! I sighed and took a cup of tea to him, staring at him all the time. To catch a glint of repentance of what he did to me or guilt or anything humane in his eyes, but no, none I see.
‘What happened… here in your neck..a few scratches..??’ I asked Bala.
‘Where??’
I point at a few nail prints on his neck.
‘Ohhh that mad cat, it pounced on me, at the attic, I barely escaped his paws’
A few days rolled on, uneventfully, fortunately. One day I decided to take a walk in our backyard after our compound wall is a forest, a dense forest. As I wandered, wondering at its wilderness, something caught my eye. A small mound, I felt a deep sorrow engulf me.
Laali.
It’s him. They killed him and buried him in a dingy corner, where I would never find it.
I sat at its mound and cried to my heart’s content. I didn’t mourn just its death. Tomorrow, if Bala decides to kill me, he could get it done, and bury me with the same callousness he buried a dead cat or dog.
Chapter 6
A missing anklet
I never bothered to tell Sree, what I found. Why give him and Bala more reasons to haul me to an asylum? I gave up my fight. I don’t have the resolve anymore. I can’t even discern fact from fiction anymore. The line between delusion and reality blurs, and it’s all now one chaotic mess.
When Sree touches me, I feel a repugnance unfurl within me. I spurned him once, twice, I have lost count. Now he sulks and is indifferent to me. My Sree, who loved to get lost in the cool lushness of my hair, who pressed his stubbles on the skeins of its knots, lovingly gathered my face in both his hands calling me Ammuuu…my Ammu…now lies turned away from me, in the same bed, under the same roof, but miles apart.
Maybe this is what he wanted. Bala wanted to drive a wedge between us, make me pine for Sree's attention, leave me hankering for his touch. And every time he touches me, I recoil, I spurn him. Why? What’s wrong with me?
I lie listlessly thinking these thoughts, trying to make sense of it all, and I hear it again. An eerie sibilance…a chilling hiss…a whisper…an evil whisper…I turn and see him standing there by the window, watching me…a lackadaisical look hovers over his face. He is not smiling his usual grin. What's wrong? Something is wrong. I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. What is he scheming? What is it? Why is he hiding the malevolent gaze?
He holds something up, and then gently, ever so gently, a slow smile forms on his lips. What the hell is he dangling at the tip of his finger? I strain my eyes..I can barely see..then it begins to jingle..my anklet … He is holding my anklet. I pull my saree a little to check my feet. It's gone. One foot still has an anklet. The other one has gone…I revert to look at him…he smiles…then guffaws…his monstrous guffaw…I yelp…I scream…my lungs out….
'Sreeeeee…Sreeeeeee… Help me….’
I see Bhavaniamma staring at me from her room, I stop and gaze at her, she whispers…run…run…run…
‘Where are you.???…Sreeeeeeeeee???’
I run helter-skelter like a mad woman. I can't find him. Where the hell did he vanish...and then.. finally I reach him…
'Sreeee…Sreeeee …help …help me….’
'Ammu…what’s wrong…why are you yelling??’
'hee…he is there….he has my anklet…He….’
‘Ammu can you hear yourself…why does he want your anklet?’
‘Sreeeee…he…just trust me….please… He is after me…’
‘Ammu what are you saying…just listen to yourself.’
'He ….first he….scares me at night…then…then he tried to force himself on me…then..my poor Laali.. And now my anklet…’
‘Can you hear yourself Ammu…seriously??? If he really wanted to do you harm, he could have done it long back. When I am gone, you are all alone here. Even if you scream, nobody will hear you and he knows that better than we. It’s his home after all. Whenever I go, I always tell him I’m leaving you at his protection. I trust him Ammu. Moreover, Bhavaniamma is here. She will see to it that you are untouched'
'But…she…..’
‘Wait Ammu..let me finish..you know I’m a struggling artist, both of us have no ancestral home or any help from anyone. He lets us stay in his house. If we offend him with these unfounded claims, he is going to be affronted, and if he throws us out we'll both end up on the street. And then your nightmares will no more be fiction. Do you want that ?'
Seeing my resigned look, Sree took my hands in his and said "Now, if you misplaced or lost your anklet, we shall buy another pair. ok? Now cheer up."
I didn’t utter a word.. His arguments were irrefutable.
(To be continued..)