A short History of Manners

Given that our innate desire to get along, to love and be loved by others is part of human nature, it is safe to assume that rules for manners had already existed among the first humans. Kindness and consideration can be found among all people and all ages, and this would have been part of all human cultures from the very dawn of humankind.

Among the earliest cultures that produced written language, texts regarding good behaviour towards others can be found. Codes of conduct most often originated from the upper classes of ancient cultures, where manuscripts, treatises, and books about the rules of behaviour in society were written mostly for an audience of young people of upper-class birth. An example of this is an ancient writing from 2300 BC, where the Egyptian philosopher Ptahhotep promoted civil virtues such as truthfulness and self-control among high standing members of society.

Nonetheless, codes of conduct also exist from ancient cultures where good manners were universally expected as a type of moral obligation upon all members of society, regardless of social standing. For example, the most ancient Biblical literature, such as the book of Leviticus which dates from 1500 BC, promotes not only kindness but also certain respectful gestures towards the elderly.

The great Chinese philosopher Confucius is said to have had an exceptionally high view of good manners. Writing in the first century BC, he noted the importance of sincerity and the pursuit of justice in personal relationships. The most important idea of Confucianism, namely “Li” primarily signifies good behaviour – or good manners – towards others in society.

The strong class distinctions in both ancient Greco-Roman and medieval societies certainly contributed to shaping their tradition of manners. Dealing appropriately with both one’s superiors and inferiors in social relations demanded certain guidelines to practice the ancient wisdom of “doing to others as you would want them to do to you” within the complex and diverse set of social relationships that characterised medieval society.

Society’s preoccupation with good manners during the Renaissance is evidenced in the fact that one of the movement’s greatest scholars and philosophers, Disederius Erasmus, once wrote that “If it is possible to withdraw, farting should be done alone. But if not, let a cough hide the sound.”

Modernity brought about with it the notion of equality which in turn led to a kind of democratization of manners, as socially ambitious people from the middle class occupied themselves with learning, knowing, and practicing the rules of social manners that had often been associated with the aristocracy.

The historical origins of many customs still considered to be good manners in our culture are rather fascinating. Most historians believe that the handshake, for example, was originally used as a method to check for weapons when encountering someone you don't know of haven't seen in a long time. Some ancient cultures also believed that pointing or staring at someone directed evil spirits towards them. Despite these myths being dispelled, pointing or staring is still considered rude in most cultures.

Some manners in times gone by may also be very strange to modern humans. In ancient Greece, for example, greasy hands at the dinner table would be wiped off with bread, which was then thrown to dogs. In ancient Rome it was considered rude to refuse any food offered by a host, so during long dinner parties people would repeatedly free up room by shoving a feather down their throat to make themselves puke.

Rules for manners may be flexible, differ from one culture to the next and some manners may come and go. Nonetheless the principle function that manners fulfil, namely to enrich human relationships and to decorate human interaction, will always remain constant and always be part of human society.