A Short Guide to Having Meetings That Don't Suck

Okay, so last week I complained a little.

I talked about how so many of us are trying to fill the void of in-person meetings with video calls, and how we're jammed in, over-scheduled, and over-meeting'd in general. Many of you agreed.

But always one for crafting solutions instead of just pointing out problems, I thought I'd write a short guide to having meetings that don't suck the soul out of you and/or the people you are inviting to said meeting.

I get it. Sometimes meetings are a necessary thing. They can be really useful when done well.

But what I'm encouraging is discretion, thoughtfulness, and a bit of organization so we can use them the way they're intended - to get real work done - and avoid the life-draining, boredom-inducing, time-crunched exhaustion of endless empty meetings that we're always on the edge of in this crazy, upside-down world.

Here are my thoughts, mostly based on a couple of decades in the workforce and having done it wrong as much as I've done it right. I'd welcome yours in the comments, too!

#1. Always have a purpose and agenda for the meeting, and include it in the meeting request.

This isn't just for your attendees.

It requires you to think about *why* you want to have a meeting, and lets others attending understand what you want to accomplish, what they can contribute, and why they're invited. It also allows them to ask questions in advance or opt out if it's not relevant to them.

#2. Use meetings for problem solving and making decisions, and save "updates" for asynchronous communication as much as possible.

I get it. You get too many emails/chats/etc as it is...but honestly, those - or living documents, trackers, or project management dashboards - are better channels for "status" updates than meetings.

When we take people's synchronous time - i.e. time that forces everyone to be in the same place at the same time - we need to make good use of it. So we should be focusing meetings on getting shit done. I've got some latitude here if the updates are part of the background required to work on a problem or discuss a solution, but it shouldn't be reiteration of a bunch of people's daily to-do lists. Ever. This is why the agenda is critical. What are we meeting for?

#3. Only invite the people who actively need to be involved in #1 and #2.

It's tempting to invite everyone who might be interested in, impacted by, or related to a specific meeting topic. Don't do it.

Attendees should be the people actively involved in your agenda items, decisions, or discussion topics. At the very least, if you can't help but invite a bunch of "but maybe they'd like to know" people, mark them as optional so they feel empowered to say no and catch the recap.

#4. Meetings are not for you to organize your thoughts.

This is a subtle one, but as a leader I've seen it over and over again. Don't call a meeting because you need to get your thoughts or plan organized. That's your job. If you're going to use meeting time to get input or reactions to things, send pre-reads and then come with specific questions that you intend to surface in the meeting, such as "my plan involves X, does anyone have feedback on that approach?"

The one exception is if you truly need a brainstorm/ideation session, which I support...but it had better be structured, too. (That's another post.)

#5. Use the time you need, and no more.

No, seriously. Go into your email and/or meeting client and immediately change the default setting to 30 minutes instead of 60. If you need more, it'll make you think just a bit extra about why and how to make that time efficient.

Also, allow for padding between meetings for bathroom and beverage breaks. Which might mean ending a few minutes early if you can so people can log out of one meeting and into the next, or get a beverage, use the bathroom, or just breathe. We may not be moving between conference rooms but we still need to mentally shift gears at the very least.

#6. If you're the meeting organizer, it's your responsibility to keep the agenda on track.

One of the most important statements you can learn in meeting facilitation:

"This is a great discussion, but it really need its own time. I'm making a note of it as a follow-up topic, but I'd suggest that Julie take the lead on setting up a conversation for the right group after this."

Then it's back to the matter(s) at hand.

#7. Meeting requests should be confirmations, not suggestions.

One of the symptoms of our forced virtual world now seems to be ignoring just how over-scheduled we've all become. People cannot sit in front of Zoom for 8-9 hours a day, and it's unreasonable to expect anyone to meet back-to-back for a full work day without being burned out.

If you're organizing a meeting, it's smart to check with at least your key attendees in advance to let them know you're coordinating something, and gauging their workloads/headspace. This is especially important if you're coordinating meetings between internal and external groups. We aren't each other's only priorities, and we can't rely on blunt busy/free tools to tell us what our actual brain capacity, workloads, or deadlines are at any given time. Simply put, just because time looks available doesn't mean it's yours to grab.

Last minute and unannounced meetings are stressful for everyone unless they're super informal (even then, best to check). Avoid them whenever you can.

Which reminds me...

#8. Do not take the last available slot on someone's calendar.

Rarely is anything THAT urgent. And if it is (keeping in mind your urgency is not always equivalent to someone else's), it's best to send a quick text or chat to talk about the urgency involved so your recipient can shuffle their own priorities as necessary. We have the tools to do this.

Please give people breathing room. And let's all get in the habit of blocking off work, thinking, or breathing time on our calendars to give ourselves space in between meetings to actually, you know, do the work.

#9. Offer dial-in only options or phone meetings when feasible.

Not everything needs to be a video call. Just because we can, doesn't mean we should.

#10. Make use of concise recaps.

If you're the meeting organizer, even a quick email in response to the meeting about key topics discussed, decisions reached, or ongoing "this needs further discussion" items can help, as well as a list of who promised to do which next steps. Recordings are fine, too, but recognize that it actually requires a lot more time to listen to a recording than to digest the salient bits in a written recap.

Recaps are also super helpful for people who may not need to stay for the entire session (see #12).

#11. Normalize declining meetings.

On the receiving end, it's okay to say "I can't make this" or "this time doesn't work for me, but next week Thursday at 10 would be great". Especially if it's an out-of-the-blue request.

It's also okay to reply and ask "What's the agenda/purpose of this meeting?" or "What's my role in this discussion?" to help you prioritize what meetings to accept and what might need to wait. It's also okay to ask "Can this get pushed out another week?" or to get more information about the relative priority and urgency of the request to try and balance everyone's competing needs.

Meeting organizers, we have to take these things into account, and be respectful of the fact that we are but one ask on the schedules of people who are juggling a lot of things, just like we are.

#12. If a meeting is no longer relevant to you, excuse yourself.

Yep. I'm serious. If the agenda of a meeting is beyond the point where it's relevant to you, it's ok to ring off and go work on other things. You don't have to disrupt anything, a quick message in the chat is fine (if available). This also applies if you were invited to a meeting and none of the content is relevant to you.

This is also a great tool if you're running the meeting; saying "David, we've already discussed the item I needed your input on, so all good if you want to hang up." This gives your attendees the green light to leave quietly as the rest of the agenda continues.

We're all a little depleted. Let's be mindful.

Especially in a virtual world, meetings are a necessary mechanism, and when they're done well they can be valuable, useful, and a great way to connect with people.

But now more than ever, we have to be thoughtful about how we're asking for time from other people, and we need to lead with empathy, understanding, and reasonable expectations of what any one person can shove into a work day, even if they don't have to travel to an office or a client location.

And we all need time to actually do the work that comes up in endless meetings.

What other tips do you have for designing and facilitating useful meetings, or navigating your ever-bloating calendar? Would love to hear from you in the comments.