Short, back and hide.

After weeks of being stuck in the house they told us we could go outside. They being the government, the scientists, the advisors, scientists or whoever it is in charge of making the rules. It was about time, I was going stir crazy staying in all the time. The news on the telly tells of guidelines to follow. There are high tech monitoring devices in most places, there to pick out those with the symptoms and warn others. The important places have started to open. The pub, the gymn, the pie shop. The barber. All the important things. I grin.

Feeling the top of my head I peer at the mirror.  The camera never lies but the mirror is able to tell some really whoppers.

My hair is messy.  I shouldn’t care, it’s only hair. Poking out from the back of my neck I can see these wafts of hair. I feel them with my hands and they are weird. I cannot see them but I can imagine they look stupid. I hate it when head is like that.

I grab my coat and head out in the direction of to the barber on the high street. I cannot remember the last time I went outside. When did I last meet somebody face to face in the flesh so to speak ? Months ago I guess. I am wearing my mask and have squeezed some of the sanitiser onto my hands. That small bottle cost so much. 

There are more people out than I expected. People coming towards me on the pavement move to the side, I do the same towards the opposite side. Social distancing they call it. Whoever coined that phrase is a fool. Physically distancing is more appropriate. I have become socially closer to more people over video calls and the telephone. I reached out to old friends. 

Outside most people are wearing masks. The ones not wearing masks appear young, teenagers, rebels I guess. I do pick up the feeling on the street, it comes across as jolly. There is a sense of, we are all in this together and together we will get through this. A smile comes across my face. We are society. 

It is not far to the barber. Around five hundred metres, Five minute walk. I am in no hurry. I take in the air, enjoying the ambience. The sun is shining, there is a light breeze. I am just walking and thinking about things. 

The virus has had a devastating effect on the economy I think. People losing their jobs. Nothing being sold. Only a couple of good things, the pollution levels have dropped, apparently. I can see that people will adapt, they have to. No matter what the situation, there will be people who make money and those that don’t. In this case the ones making money are the hand sanitiser and toilet paper manufacturers. The survivors will adapt. They will learn new things and learn new skills.  

The barber, a skilled profession. Covering the most basic needs. All that is needed in equipment is a sharp pair of scissors. I argue that the cost of a hair cut is the most fundamental economic barometer you can find. Some say that hamburgers are the universal economic leveller, ditch that idea. A cost of a hamburger can not help you judge the state of economies across the world. There are too many variables to make it viable. The meat production costs in that part of the world. Some people don’t eat meat in that country ? Without a doubt the cost of a mens haircut can be used to compare the Japan economy to Ireland’s or Mexico to Norway’s. It also allows you to compare costs across time. The cost of a haircut a half century ago roughly equals the cost today if you take into account inflation. It has to be a mens haircut, not a ladies. Somehow that side of the service has been perverted. How can a lady haircut cost so much ? There or four times the cost of a mens cut. Basically men just want a plain old “short back and side” nothing fancy. “Just a tidy up please Mr Barber” is all that is said. Fifteen minutes later and you are out and back to your business.

I come near to the barber and see they have changed the layout of the shop. It used to be you would go in and out the front door of the shop. Now they seem to allow people in at the back and out at the front. Safe and clever I suppose. They hide the men waiting out the back, out of view. They only show the customers in the window at the front. People like to see a busy place, it inspires confidence that you are not the only mug to use the place.

I follow the entrance signs round to the back of the shop and step inside. There is only one person in the queue in front of me. He steps through the doorway and through a freshly installed sensor that skirts around the doorway. The leds blink to green as he walks through. The customer says some funny comment to the barbers about the virus sensor. The joke is instantly forgettable but the look on the barbers face shows he has heard the joke a thousand times before. One of the requirements from the government, to allow a business to open, is a sensor that instantly detects the virus. I guess they are expensive. I think I can understand why the barber has lost his sense of humour.

I wait a short while before being called into the shop. Almost as soon I take my step through the doorway sensor, my world collapses.

There is a terrifying screech from an alarm. The friendly blinking green led turns an angry red. It is flashing above the metal framework of the door. The barbers and customers in the shop all turn to look at me, Their faces have a frozen frightened stare. The customers stand up slowly from their chairs, looking at me as they inch back away from me and towards the exit. Customers, Barbers all leave. I am alone in the shop with only faces looking into the shop through the window. Confused, I walk towards the exit. The faces back away. 

I am in the street , in front of the barber shop. People across the street have stopped and are looking at me. Some have even began pointing their mobile phones in my direction. 

I guess they are filming me. I don’t like this. I start for home. I can feel people watching me, following me, filming me. I walk a little faster. People shout to the people ahead of me, they scatter. They don’t run off, the keep a fair distance from me but they stay around to experience the excitement I guess.

Did I set the sensor off in the barber shop ? It cannot be the virus, I have not been anywhere. I make it to the front door of my home. So, it seems, do a small mob of people closely following behind me. They shout something as I turn the key. I push through the door and slam it behind me. I to hear the howls of the mob as I reach for my phone to ring somebody. Not sure who I should call. I could call the police but I heard that they may not come out to be around potential virus carriers. Too risky for them. They may come out to control crowds or manage the traffic but not to protect a ‘plague dog’ 

The noises are getting louder outside. The mob sounds angry, Perhaps this is what accused witches went through, or the nobility in the french revolution, when the people turned on them.

It wasn’t long before the first brick came splintering through my front window. Shortly after that it was followed by the first fire bomb. 

We are trying ever so hard to protect ourselves from the virus but who will protect us from ourselves.