"If the shoe don't fit, that ain't your shoe!"

I love Frasier, it's my favourite sitcom, and that's no small statement as I love a good sitcom. I've probably watched it the whole way through, about five times and seen some episodes far more than that.

I often think about the episode where "Dr Mary" is recruited to temporarily support Frasier's radio show, she quickly shows her worth and becomes co-presenter, before somewhat eclipsing Frasier.

In one piece of advice, she dropped a simple quote that has stuck with me ever since.

"If the shoe don't fit, that ain't your shoe!"

I loved the simplicity of it, and I loved how applicable it was to life. I now work with awesome, but unfulfilled people who want more clarity and purpose to their lives. I help them to connect with their true values and build a more purpose driven life. In doing this, the above quote comes back to me over and over.

Let's break this down quickly, before you start wondering why I've penned an entire article about shoes from a fictitious sitcom character.

We've all had a pair of shoes that didn't fit right until we wore them in and adapted to them. Life can be a lot like this, whether it's a new job role or a house move, there may be things we need to do in order to adapt and thrive. This can even apply when you've been in post for a while, but realise the role no longer serves you, your long-term plans or your development towards them. In some cases it's often perfectly realistic (after some work to ascertain what isn't working) to work with your employer to see what can be changed, what responsibilities can be moved to/from you and how the role can be reconfigured to make the best use of your skillset at the same time. Win-win?

On the flip side of this, if the shoe really doesn't fit, there's nothing you can do but wear another one. This applies to life, regularly. Would you stay in the new house three years later, if you still didn't feel at home? What if you still hadn't adapted to the commute or being further away from certain people?

All too often we stay in roles way past the point of realising that things don't make sense anymore. We fall out of love with the role and it can become a pay check first and a job second. I've done this more than once. But why do we do it?

Of course there are lots of reasons, among them are "security", comfort, connections with colleagues etc. But one that comes up a lot, is not actually knowing what else we can/could or should do, or more importantly, what we'd really want to do.

Several years back, when I left Teaching, I resigned half-way through the school year, with nothing lined up to move into. I did this mainly as I knew it was the right thing to do and wanted to give the School as much notice as possible. It took months to find the next role, largely because I didn't truly know what I wanted. One afternoon, in the staff room, a colleague mentioned that she was envious and that she'd leave Teaching too, but didn't know "what else to do". This really shocked me, largely because she was the third of my colleagues to say the exact same thing.

Fast forward a few years and I left a Senior Management role, because I had chased down that level of role, only to get there and realise I didn't want it. I took the plunge to focus on Coaching, formalise by getting certified and then start my business. But again, this came at the expense of months of stressing about what to do, when to make the move etc.

Then it hit me. Some shoe's won't fit, but if I can understand exactly what matters to me, what lights me up and what I absolutely can not stand, then I can have a blueprint for future decisions as well as building a life that makes sense. I now call this values-centric living, but purpose-centric "fits" just as well.

I did the work to understand what my to and from values are, both professionally and personally. I then moved into what really fired me up. I learned how to spot (more quickly) the things to avoid/say no to, and what I should look for in an opportunity before exploring it in-depth. A wise person once said, "if it's not hell yeah, then it's no", I like this as it leads to a trust in instinct, but with my clearly defined values list, I get the bonus of knowing why it's not "hell yeah" and can move in more quickly to understand what will be.

Values and purpose have a mixed reputation, but with evidence to show that being bored or unfulfilled at work can impair your cognitive ability and even reduce the length of your life, it's such a fantastic way to have a north-star to be driving towards on any given day. This spans further than career too, as life tends to fall out of alignment at times and we find ourselves giving too much attention to things that don't really matter to us.

As for Dr Mary, she and Frasier had a love-hate relationship. He resented her title of Dr (she had no PHD) and resented being overshadowed. But when he finally bit the bullet and told her this, she understood, better still, she landed her own show. She wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but was unashamedly herself and went from working in a bakery, to a temp producing role, to having her own show, in the blink of an eye.