Shocking Truth: The Financial Aid Process Leaves Families Feeling Humiliated

The evening was unforgettable. I was just an eight-year-old child, tucked away in my bedroom when I heard my parents return home from a financial aid meeting. I got out of bed and peeked in on them. Their distress was palpable, the weight of the world pressing down upon their shoulders. My father, his expression defeated, looked as though he had aged a decade in the span of a few hours. My mother's eyes, red and swollen from crying, betrayed her anguish. Unaware that I was awake and listening, they retreated to the den to discuss the harrowing ordeal they had just endured.

My mother's voice, a mixture of bitterness and disbelief, recounted their humiliating experience at the hands of a tuition committee member. This man, born into wealth and privilege, had enjoyed a life of financial security that my parents could only dream of. Yet, there he was, scrutinizing and second-guessing their every expense, oblivious to the shame and embarrassment he was causing them. My father's quiet but resolute words to my mother still echo in my memory: "What choice do we have? We are not putting our children in public school." Their commitment to providing my siblings and me with a faith-based education was unwavering, despite the emotional toll it took on them.

Years later, I find myself reflecting on that night as I work in private Jewish education. As a business professional, I served as a lay leader on our local school's tuition assistance committee. Later, as a school administrator, I helped guide the process for different schools. The memory of my parents' struggle serves as a constant reminder of the importance of empathy and compassion in the financial aid process.

Private religious education is often the only option for families who wish to provide their children with an education steeped in their culture, heritage, and religion. However, the high cost of private schooling means many upper-middle-class families require assistance to ensure their children receive a faith-based education. While schools strive to be understanding and offer generous financial aid scholarships to those in need, the methods used to determine eligibility can be invasive and humiliating, leaving families feeling demoralized and vulnerable.

I genuinely respect the individuals who take time out of their lives to volunteer on these committees, which are thankless and emotionally draining when done right. Still, I have also found that often the wrong people end up on these committees. I remember one committee member who relished knowing the details of people's lives and would gossip with other committee members about applicants. I made it my personal mission to get them off the committee immediately. I also served on a team that would only look at the application when the family showed up for the required in-person appointment and then takes a cursory look at the information before the meeting. I felt that not doing homework to review and understand the submitted application and documents disrespected the applicants, who had spent hours compiling all their requisite financial data and writing the required letter to the committee explaining their situation.

So it was with all of this in mind, and as a current school administrator and lay leader involved in financial aid decisions, that I have developed a set of guiding principles to make the process more dignified and compassionate. These are my ten commandments for working on a financial aid committee::

1. Do everything possible to preserve the dignity of the applicant
2. Remember that privacy doesn’t just matter. It is of the utmost importance.
3. Be prepared. Do your due diligence away from the applicants and before you engage with them.?
4. Always give applicants the benefit of the doubt
5. When challenging information that looks suspicious, do it with respect and explain why you are asking the questions
6. Avoid meetings in person if possible, but always be available if an applicant wishes to meet in person
7. NEVER gossip with others about what you do
8. Always read everything an applicant submits. If you do not intend to read/review it, don’t ask for it.
9. Never joke or use humor when dealing with applicants. This is serious business for them.
10. If you need to speak to an applicant, always talk in calming tones and reassure applicants that you are there to ensure everything works out.

In the Jewish tradition, a profound teaching emphasizes the importance of treating others with the utmost respect and dignity. The Talmud states that embarrassing someone is akin to shedding their blood (Tractate Bava Metzia 58b); in other words, humiliating a person is tantamount to killing them. This powerful concept serves as a reminder that our words and actions can have far-reaching consequences on the emotional well-being of others. As we navigate the delicate process of providing financial aid for private religious education, it is crucial to keep this teaching in mind, ensuring that our approach is infused with empathy and understanding and that we strive to preserve the dignity of every applicant. By adhering to this principle, we not only uphold our faith's values but also work towards creating a more compassionate and supportive environment for all families seeking assistance in providing their children with a faith-based education.

About the Author:

Lev R. Stark is an experienced Executive Director with a proven track record of success in strategic planning, financial management, and community engagement. He has extensive experience overseeing the operations of a private school and is skilled in analyzing data, setting goals, and developing action plans to improve the school. Lev's professional experience includes serving as the Executive Director of Valley Torah High School and Yavneh Hebrew Academy, where he was responsible for operations, strategic planning, and fundraising efforts. Prior to his work in education, Lev served as the CEO of Omni Media, LLC, and as the Vice President of Marketing/E-Commerce at Twin Med, LLC. He also worked as the Vice President & Content Czar at Edmunds.com, Inc.

Lev is currently a National Board Member of the Executive Directors Share (EDS), a division of the Torah Education Network, and serves as a lecturer and consultant for the Consortium of Jewish Day Schools. Lev is passionate about creating a positive work environment where all staff can succeed and about supporting the mission of Jewish education.