Ships In

By Chet Berry

?

Good news, good news.? I have been officially informed by the law offices of Beeman, Jones, and Shawn that I have inherited Fourteen million, Six hundred ninety-three thousand, One hundred thirty-six dollars and 63 cents from the late Dr. Marcus Berry.? If you need to contact me for any reason, I will be at the farm on my new tractor.?

I will miss my distant relative “Mickey” as he was known to those who knew him.? The letter states he was a real estate investor and a precious stone dealer.? I’ll have to take Beeman, Jones, or Shawns word on that.? The only stone ever associated with my family would be southern Indiana limestone.? Limestone makes for a heavy necklace.

Truth is I won’t be receiving $14,693,136.63 in totality.? There is a matter of a processing fee and the Canadian law firm handling the matter has indicated that 10% will be given to charity.? Those Canadians and their big hearts.? God bless them.?

At this juncture I should receive my money within 30 business days from the time of my consent.? One month should allow me to mentally process the changes my life will incur.? I believe it would be prudent to list my priorities on paper.?

Celebratory dinner at Texas Road House:??$53??? (water only)

Name brand tennis shoes from Payless:??$74??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Full tanks of gas in both of our vehicles…at the same time: ? $81

New air fryer for Marchelle.? Ours has a broken handle. ??$45

Acorn stair lift for our two geriatric dogs:????$3,589

The remaining $14,689,294.63 should be placed on a gift certificate, as in the old days of Wheel of Fortune.?

I know what you’re thinking.? There are some obvious questions that deserve an answer.?

(1)??? What about my children…how will I be addressing their needs?? An analysis is currently in development assessing amounts previously invested in each child prior to this windfall.? Once those totals have been compiled, they will be deducted from a sum yet to be determined and then allotted to each dependent.? ??

?(2)??? What church will receive the tithe?? Knowing how spiritually forming the struggle for finances is in the life of a pastor, I will be sending checks for $4.19 to 350,000 churches throughout the United States.? To claim your check for your pastor and to assist in the direct deposit process, simply send me your banking information along with your federal ID.?

Will this change me?? I like to think not, but we know better now, don’t we?? I will be making every effort to remain connected to the little people who made me who I am today. Feel free to contact my personal assistant Ida Klein to schedule an appointment.? Please allow three business days for a reply.

cb