Shifting from people-pleasing to executive presence

My clients and mastermind members are generally at one of two stages in their careers and lives:

A few are fairly new to leadership, navigating the transition from excelling in one set of skills (usually as an individual contributor) to a wholly different set of skills and different responsibilities, typically with little preparation or guidance.

Most are experienced leaders. They've built teams and functions and been recognized for their successes. They're often valued members of executive leadership teams. But they know they're capable of more.

While each group has its own unique set of goals, and challenges, there are areas of overlap—particularly when it comes to perceptive leaders or HSPs (high-sensory people, or those with high sensory perception).*

What is executive presence?

One of these areas is the need to cultivate (or deepen) executive presence. What does this mean?

It's a combination of behaviors and qualities that convey confidence, credibility, the ability to lead an organization and all that entails. It includes communication skills (being able to both clearly articulate vision and guidance and to listen actively and deeply); emotional intelligence and the ability to manage relationships at many levels; and body language as well as the image you present. It also involves the ability to motivate and inspire others to align with your vision in support of organizational goals.

Some of the things that help establish executive presence include:

• Having a clear vision, clear core values, and clear goals. This clarity will help you make decisions that always align with your vision, values, and goals.
• Setting and communicating clear boundaries. Learning to say no and enforcing boundaries helps prioritize your valuable time, energy, and other resources.
• Communicating confidently. Even when your opinion may be unpopular. Even when there are louder voices in the room. Speaking with clarity, conviction, and concision shows thoughtfulness and inspires confidence.
• Delegating effectively. Empowering your team members and trusting them to do a good (or great) job both helps them succeed and frees you up to do more strategic work.
• Asking for and receiving feedback gracefully. Continuously and actively seeking feedback is key to growth. Receiving it well includes listening with an open mind and embracing constructive criticism.
• Leading by example. In the thick of it, it can be hard to remember that you're also a role model. But people are watching—how you make decisions, what you prioritize, how you respond to bad news, how (or whether) you celebrate the good.

Other elements of executive presence, like cultivating self-awareness, building resilience, and focusing on solutions, are pretty much standard operating procedure for perceptive leaders. But the six above can be challenging.

People-pleasing and other problems

HSPs can struggle with some of these:

• Making decisions means saying no to something or someone. Our empathy and conflict-aversion can cause a fear of disappointing, upsetting or angering people. (I wrote about making decisions in my 4/17/24 newsletter and likely will write more.)
• HSPs have high standards and expectations for ourselves as well as others, and may suffer from low self-confidence or self-esteem despite our talents, skills, intelligence, and achievements. This can make seeking feedback challenging.
• Some may have internalized messages from childhood about not speaking up or about putting others first. Both of these plus the self-confidence element, plus a tendency to overthink, can make communicating clearly and confidently hard.
• Our high standards combined with our attention to detail can make us perfectionists. This can make it hard to delegate tasks to others and to give up control.
• "Do as I say, not as I do" might be a good motto for some of us regarding leading by example. If we encourage our direct reports to set boundaries and stop work at a reasonable hour but are sending emails at midnight ourselves, what kind of example are we setting?

Inspiration for change

The great news? None of these qualities is carved in stone; they all can be changed. It just requires a little inspiration, motivation, and practice.

Picture a leader you respect. Do they have executive presence? Which of their qualities do you admire?

Then think about how you want to show up as a leader. What qualities do you want people to notice or remember? Is that how you feel you're showing up now? Does feedback you've received recently back that up?

If you're already there, kudos! That's fantastic. If you're an HSP, though, I'm guessing you're not done yet—you probably have bigger goals in terms of learning and development.

If there are areas you'd like support in, there are a lot of ways to get it. Leadership or executive coaching and mentoring are both tailor-made for you.

?? In fact, I have a new program called "When to say yes and how to say no more effectively," designed to help you review (or identify) your core values and goals, set and communicate boundaries, develop your own decision-making framework, and learn to negotiate for better outcomes, all in one small four-part package.

Sound interesting? Let's talk and see if it might meet your needs.??

Know someone who might be interested in this newsletter? Please share!

*If you've been reading my posts for a while, you may have noticed a shift in language. I could write a whole post on this topic alone, but for now I'll keep it short(ish): The term "highly sensitive" is still misunderstood and wrongly stigmatized. I'd adopted the term "high sensory intelligence," which I think is brilliant for several reasons, but there are issues with it, too. I've settled on "high sensory perception," which is less familiar but is accurate, descriptive, and neither exclusive nor contentious. It also works with the acronym HSP (for high sensory perception or high-sensory person), which Elaine Aron originally coined in the 1990s for "highly sensitive person."