Shifting from Autopilot for a Happier Life

“Life is divided into three periods: past, present and future. Of these, the present is short, the future is doubtful, the past is certain.” - Seneca

I recently took a weekend getaway with my wife as a means of shifting out of autopilot to look back on where we've been, look ahead at where we're going, and most importantly, to just acknowledge, appreciate and enjoy where we are. It was such a good, needed time. And while I'm not in the business of facilitating weekend retreats, shifting out of autopilot is what I offer clients through our coaching conversations, and here's some the insight I've gained on this to help you make the shift from autopilot too.

Clients reach out to me because they've been operating on autopilot and need someone to help them regain control of their life. This task of regaining control requires me as their coach to jump into the passenger seat to help them simply remember they are in the driver's seat. We clarify their future goals, ensure those goals are informed by the wisdom and values gained from their past, and reinforce their belief that what they do in the present can and will get them moving in the right direction.

As we begin assessing their current situation:

• Sometimes, they see what they want but realize their feet have been on the brakes or their feet have been on the gas but with the car in reverse!
• Sometimes, they are driving forward but with their eyes fixed on the rearview mirror of the past, they're recklessly driving through people!
• Many times, their attention is fixed to their phones while the car is on autopilot driving ahead okay enough, at least that's what they think until it is too late - their spouse files for a divorce, they develop a debilitating health condition, or they realize they've been stuck in a roundabout for the last decade having gone nowhere at all - a particularly threatening scenario for my local Carmel, IN area clients ;)

You see, the problem with operating on autopilot is that our attention is freed up to shift too far into the future, the past or our phones. And as we've all heard, there's a reason the windshield is larger than the rearview mirror (and phone use while driving is illegal!).

Tal Ben-Shahar, author of Happier, says, "Happy people live secure in the knowledge that the activities that bring them enjoyment in the present will also lead to a fulfilling future." And, "Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable. Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain, nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak."

He presents how we live in relationship to time using the following four archetypes.

• Past-minded (the nihilist): Lost the lust for life, someone who neither enjoys the moment nor has a sense of future purpose.
• Present-minded (the hedonist): Enjoys the present and ignores the potential negative consequences of their actions.
• Future-minded (the rat racer): Suffers now for the purpose of some anticipated future gain.
• Present & future-minded (the "Happier" person): Enjoyment in the future and in the present.

So, where has your attention been lately? The windshield, rearview mirror, your phone?? When on autopilot, where are you prone to drift: nihilism, hedonism, the rat race, or Ben-Shahar's "Happier" state of mind?

And what's a routine practice you might adopt to help you shift from autopilot to keep the future and past in their proper place while attending more intentionally to the present: a daily walk, meditation, prayer, intentionally planned times for conversation with loved ones, a routine weekend getaway...?

Let me know in the comments what works for you that you'd recommend to others!