The Shift to Kindness

There’s a shift I’m beginning to notice, and this might be perhaps one of the best things that has come out of the last two years of having our lives upended by an invisible piece of transmittable protein we all know as Covid-19. And while I’ve noticed this shift for some time now, I found it interesting that it’s been also brought up by several of my coaching clients in the conversations since the beginning of this year.

In my line of work as a coach and team catalyst, I’m always curious about what I call leading-edge signals – the anecdotal and perhaps weak indicators of a more substantiative change that might be then studied more rigorously by academic researchers. And my internal signal detector was noticing this signal coming in from various directions.

I often commence my coaching conversations with an invitation to reflect on shifts they are seeing within them and in their worlds. “So, what’s shifted for you since we last spoke?” would be at the core of the question. And at the beginning of the year, I would invite them to think on how the beginning of this year has been different from the beginning of the last.

And in the responses from about 10 or so coaching clients is where I sensed a theme emerging. Something I would choose to call the “shift to kindness” The best thing, ?I believe to come out of the pandemic.

“P” leads a global function of more than 100 in a technology major. He went through a devastating 2021, having personally contracted Covid-19 and having lost more than a family member to the disease. And despite his deep personal loss and suffering, when I asked him the “shift” question, and despite all the personal grief that could have rightfully seeped into his reflection, his response was deep, collected, authentic, and almost spiritual.

“I’ve learned to be kind to myself; I’ve learned to be kind to my family; I’ve learned to be kind to my team, and the best thing is that it has made my own and my team’s performance even better.”

He elaborated that while the tasks at hand for the team had gotten more complex and the goals that the organization set for the function were even tougher, the experience of Covid-19 had engendered a shift within, - a shift that caused him to pause before, unlike in the past, he would plunge himself and plunge others around him into action. I noticed he slowed down considerably as he said this “I’ve realized that what matters more is how I share what it is we need to do, and I’m aware that while the work will always need to be done, I need to be aware that my team might be fighting their own personal battles like I had to. I have to be careful that I’m not being unreasonable - I need to be consciously kind”. He followed on to say that while it didn’t mean that he was letting the team “of the hook”, what it translated to, was a simple qualifier that he might add to email or other communication,?stating “we need to get this done by…, but please feel free not to respond immediately to this mail. Let’s connect tomorrow and talk this over.’ Kindness in action, with accountability to action.

I could recount many more similar conversations, with the same sentiments echoing.?

Like, last week I was conducting a session on Transformation through Collaboration for set of senior executives at a large Southeast Asian Bank and, again a discussion of “What’s Shifted?” came up. And one of the consensus theme’s that came up was “We are learning to engage our teams with more awareness” When I invited a few of the participating executives to elaborate what they meant by “more awareness”, and how exactly they were doing this, the leaders talked about “we need to be more empathetic” and shared their ways of consciously inserting space in their calendars, starting meetings with personal check-ins, having more “no work talk” 1:1s with team members. And as a result, the team seemed to be connecting and working more collaboratively. In a phrase, kindness in action.

And just to clarify, I don’t mean just empathy here – Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We need to have empathy for sure, but it’s not enough. We need to convert empathy from feeling to action. The action of kindness - the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate, demonstrated via action.

In fact, that was the key shift that I seemed to be witnessing – the shift from a felt sense of empathy, to a behavioral change to the action of kindness. It is indeed a significant shift if we can move from empathy in mind and heart to kindness in action. And continue to build on this positive habit and learning.

I’m sure many of us recall the pithy little internet meme and aphorism that goes “ Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a battle you cannot see.” ?A brilliant piece of advice that holds well in all circumstances. And with Covid-19 running now into its third year as a pandemic, what’s changed perhaps, is that we have some sense of the other person’s battle.

So, be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a battle, perhaps just as you are.

And let the kindness shift happen.

Cheers,

Krish