Shift Energy: Michelle Kuei on Why Permission to Reset is Your Superpower

“Visibility is about being true to yourself, sharing your thoughts, and standing by what you believe. You show up with value, authenticity, character, your voice, and your opinions in a way that elevates everyone around you.” Michelle Kuei?

Michelle Kuei is a visibility marketing coach. At age 11, a car accident left Michelle permanently disabled. She shares her journey, highlighting how growth and transformation stem from shifting our mindset, embracing personal responsibility, and permitting ourselves to be vulnerable. In our conversation, we explore the importance of taking agency over our journey, learning from life's patterns, and showing up authentically while giving ourselves grace along the way.

Stephen Matini: When you feel the way I do now, a little bit overwhelmed, what do you do?

Michelle Kuei: There are so many things I do. When my energy is down, I actually do the opposite of what you'd expect. I get on a treadmill and start working out. If I’m feeling stressed and there’s a lot on my plate, I’ve learned to drop everything and engage in physical activity.

A lot of times, when we think about mental stress and burnout, we stay in our heads, we’re thinking, "Oh my God, how am I going to take care of this? How am I going to process this? How am I going to tackle this?" So, we're constantly thinking, which means our mind is working, but our body isn’t.

What I’ve learned, and what has worked really well for me, is to stop the thinking—just stop the mind from over processing—and switch to something that involves my body. Whether it’s running, jogging, or walking, anything that gets you moving shifts your mental focus. When you’re physically active, your mind shifts to things like making sure you don’t trip or fall, and it stops fixating on the stress.

This creates space for what needs to come, and creativity flows when you make room for it. How do we create that space? By shifting from mental stress to physical activity, you allow your energy to flow. Everything in this world is energy, right? So when you shift energy from one place to another, things start to change.

When I was overcoming my physical disability, I realized that my muscles needed to learn and adapt to the activities I was doing. Every muscle in our body has a job—just like we have a purpose in the world, they have a purpose in our body. And when you give that muscle its purpose, sometimes you need to give it a break, right?

Because if we overwork the muscle, it will snap or break. It’s the same with ourselves—if we don’t take a break or find something to relax us, we’ll snap. We need to schedule in rest before we reach that breaking point.

I feel that a lot of us don’t realize this. Yes, resilience is great. Resilience is powerful. Being able to bounce back, get back on your feet, and stay strong is important. But it’s also important to give yourself permission to say, “You know what? I’m going to take a day off.” Sometimes you just need a day, or even a week off. We were talking about this earlier—I took a week off because I needed it.

SM: What does “disability" mean to you today?

MK: It means there’s something I’m not naturally gifted or talented at doing. I use the words "gifted" and "talented" because we all have talents within ourselves, right? Talent is something you develop. It’s something you train yourself to recognize—this is what I can do, and this is what I do well. And then there are other areas where I might not be interested in performing or doing at all. I’m not interested in becoming the next athlete running a 10K marathon—that’s not my interest, but someone else may love that and pursue it as a profession.

For me, disability just means there’s a part of us that we’re not trained in or passionate about. I don’t see it as a limitation. It’s just like my hair or my fingers; it’s a natural part of who I am.

It might be a physical disability for me, but for someone else, it could be an emotional disability that I can’t see. That doesn’t mean the person isn’t doing well or performing well. It just means there’s something else they’re so good at, and I don’t need to focus on their limitations. It’s a change in mindset—a shift in how we choose to see and embrace our whole selves, recognizing that there’s something I’m really good at, and no one can beat me at that. I’m proud of it, and I take ownership of it.

At the same time, I can allow others to do what they’re good at. For example, I don’t need to do everything. Someone else can handle certain tasks because it’s their purpose, and I’m happy to let them serve in that way.

In the past, when I went grocery shopping, I would often struggle to reach items on the top shelf, like toilet paper, which is essential. I used to hesitate to ask for help because I saw it as a limitation. I thought, "I’m not good enough; I’m not normal; I’m too short to reach the shelf.”

But then something shifted. I started to realize, “Yeah, I am short, but that’s why we have tall people! The universe made tall people for a reason, so let’s put them to use!” The universe created everyone with a purpose, and we’re all equal.

SM: How were you able to change your mindset and make such a huge shift, while others often get stuck?

MK: You have to be ready for a mindset shift, and there’s no rushing that process.

From my own experience and observation, I’ve noticed that many of us stay in what you might call a "pity party" for a very long time. It’s not because we don’t want to get out or improve ourselves or see the positive side of things—it’s because we’re not ready yet.

I believe the universe has a grand plan, a giant lesson plan for everyone. I don’t know exactly what it looks like or what the agenda is, but I trust that there’s a universal plan for each person. Each phase of that plan teaches a lesson. For example, at one stage in life, I might need to learn gratitude—how to truly appreciate things. In the next stage, I might need to learn forgiveness—how to let go and forgive others.

As we move through life, we encounter emotional triggers or external events that teach us these lessons, sometimes over and over again, until we’ve mastered them. Once we’ve mastered a lesson, we move on to the next one. But what that agenda looks like, I have no idea. I just trust it’s there.

People who are still stuck in the pity party, enjoying the "ice cream and chocolate," aren’t ready to move on to the next phase of life. For me, it was a process of evolution. When I finally got out of my pity party, I was given a book by Eckhart Tolle called The Power of Now. It made me realize that we have two minds: the unconscious mind and the conscious mind that functions in our daily life.

That book helped me understand that I have a dual identity—one is who I think I am, and the other is who I truly am. It’s the true self that ultimately overrules everything else. I began a journey of self-discovery, and that’s when I realized that the pity party is something I can choose to attend—or I can choose to decline. "Thank you for the invitation, but I’m not here to party.”

That’s when I started seeing my life as a series of choices. The word "decision" comes from the Latin root meaning "to sever," which means you have to choose between two things, cutting one off to pick the other. That was the pivotal moment for me. I realized I didn’t have to feel small or sorry for myself—I could choose to see my life differently. And when I started making that choice, everything changed.

SM: Do you ever have slip-up moments where you find yourself going back to old behaviors?

MK: All the time. I think it’s a constant challenge because we live in the real world, and there are so many factors—whether caused by ourselves or triggered by someone else. For example, when I see someone else’s success, I start thinking, "Hmm, what am I not doing to be that successful? I quickly fall into comparison mode, questioning how poorly I’m doing in my life, how much less money I’m making, how few titles I have, and how slow my progress seems.?

We can choose to see comparison as something negative, with the idea that we should never compare ourselves to others. But I would actually encourage people to compare themselves. Use someone else as your aspiration. Compare yourself to that person, but ask yourself: how can I improve to be even better than they are?

This is how we continue to master our skills, knowledge, and everything we do, so we can grow beyond the person we’re comparing ourselves to. I can be a lot more creative than that successful person making a lot of money—I can outgrow them. And once you truly believe that your abilities, strengths, and superpowers are within you, nothing else will matter.

SM: When self-doubt creeps in, is there anything specific you do to stop it and choose a better path?

MK: I keep a judgment journal. I have journals and books everywhere, and my judgment journal is very simple and easy to use. You take out a sheet of paper and write down the things you’re judging—whether you’re judging someone else or yourself. What are you telling yourself right now? Usually, it’s negative, full of thoughts like "I need to be better" or "I should do this." So, you write down the phrase you’re using to judge yourself or others.

Next, you come up with three different ways to say the same thing, but in a more positive light. For example, if I write "I’m too short, and Stephen is too tall," that’s a judgment. It’s a fact, but also a judgment. But then I’d rephrase it. I might write, "I’m too short, but I’m very gifted in public speaking." Or, "I’m small, but great things come in small packages—like Tiffany rings, which come in the tiniest, most desirable boxes.”

The idea is to find three different ways to say the same thing in a positive tone. When you start building a habit of doing this, you’ll notice that the next time you judge yourself or someone else, you’ll quickly find an alternative, more positive perspective. It’s like training a muscle at the gym—you get better with practice.

Soon, when you catch yourself judging, you’ll have the choice: "This is what I’m thinking, but here’s another way to think about it." Over time, this habit becomes second nature. And when you give yourself the option to choose, you’ll naturally pick the more positive thought because it makes you feel better.

SM: What does “visibility” mean to you?

MK: Visibility means showing up as your authentic self. I know "authentic" is an overused word, but it’s really about being genuine and true to who you are.

A lot of people think visibility—whether on social media or in person—means making yourself seem important, like someone with authority or celebrity status. But in reality, visibility is about expressing your opinions and saying what’s on your mind without worrying about offending people or trying to please the popular crowd.

Visibility is about being true to yourself, sharing your thoughts, and standing by what you believe. You show up with value, authenticity, character, your voice, and your opinions in a way that elevates everyone around you.

Whenever I speak, whether in person or on social media, I ask myself: what is the purpose of me talking? If there’s no purpose—if I’m not teaching anyone, elevating their consciousness, improving their mindset, or making their day better—then why am I still talking? For me, being visible means showing up with my character, my values, and my beliefs, so clearly that I don’t need to do anything else. People see, hear, and recognize me for who I am, and they are naturally drawn to that.

If you’re a business owner, you can use visibility by showing up with your character, values, voice, opinions, and beliefs. This becomes your natural client attraction strategy. People are drawn to those whose character, values, and beliefs they resonate with, and you become a natural attraction magnet. It doesn’t need any extra effort—people will just come to you.

In everyday life, visibility means living with purpose and intention. It’s saying, "This is me, this is who I am, and I’m true to myself and what I believe." When everyone starts doing that, the whole world becomes a better place—and that’s my goal.

SM: If someone doesn’t understand their authentic self, what could be the first step to discovering it?

MK: The reason people struggle to see their true, authentic selves or don’t know who they are is because of deeply ingrained beliefs and conditioning.

We’ve been trained in school to follow rules: behave, follow the agenda, stick to the classroom, adhere to society’s expectations. But underneath all these rules—rules created by people for people—there’s more to us. We have a soul, a body, thoughts, and even a superpower within us that we don’t often recognize.

If you strip away all the conditioning, the teachings, and the rules, it’s up to you to decide who you truly are. I believe that many of the disasters, conflicts, and crises we see stem from forgetting our true identity. We lose ourselves in an identity crisis, not understanding why we do what we do.

I love Simon Sinek’s book Start With Why. When you find yourself in an identity crisis—because that’s what it is if you don’t know who you are—you’re just following everyone else’s rules, believing that this is who you are. But in reality, you’re far more powerful than you believe. To recognize your full potential, you have to understand your “why."

Why are we here? Why are you here? What’s your big mission? What’s your big purpose? Some people might think, "Wait, what? I have a purpose beyond going to a job?" Yes, you have a bigger purpose than just going to a job. Can you believe that? You have a bigger purpose than just being a husband, wife, or a student carrying a school bag.

But you also have to go through the lessons the universe is teaching you. Every lesson reveals a piece of who you are. We learn our values, our character, and who we are through our life experiences.

SM: How do you figure out what lessons you’re supposed to learn?

MK: I noticed patterns in my experiences. There was a time in my twenties and thirties when I was ready to enter the dating world. I tried different dating apps and went on a few dates with guys. Each time I was rejected, I felt terrible, miserable, like there was something wrong with me. I thought, "This is why they don’t want me; this is why they don’t want to be with me.”

Initially, that was my mindset. But as I saw the same thing happening repeatedly, I realized that people were rejecting me based on physical appearance and attraction. It made me think, "Okay, I don’t have that. So if that’s what you want, goodbye—that’s not me." Then, I started recognizing what I do have: I have a big heart, and I’m always willing to give. Generosity is one of my greatest gifts, and even in my business today, it’s something I’m proud of.

So, through these repeated experiences, I learned what people were showing me. Yes, rejection hurt, and I had my pity party. I had the balloons, the party hats—I was fully in it. But after that, I began to realize that while I may not have what others are looking for, I have something else that they don’t, and that’s okay. I’m going to embrace what I have and stand proud of it.

SM: Why did you decide to make women the focus of your business?

MK: First of all, I’m a woman. In today’s society, there’s still a community of women who don’t receive the same equality or treatment as men, especially those in leadership positions. It’s unfortunate and sad that we still have to work on this, but despite that, women still remain, and I know men may not like this, somewhat of a minority in decision-making.

A lot of important decisions made at the top still don’t fully include women. Women are often given more responsibility, but the compensation doesn’t match. And when they come home, they still have to manage their jobs while taking care of their families.?

There’s a lot of expectation placed on women, even though many are incredibly gifted and talented. If society gave them the opportunity, the platform to showcase their expertise and talents, the world would be a much better place. Of course, I’m a woman, so I’m going to say that. But I truly believe that if women were given equal opportunities—equal pay, leadership roles, and the recognition of their capabilities—they could move the world forward. They would change the world.

In my business, I see myself as someone who may be a few steps ahead, reaching toward the top. I imagine myself turning around, holding onto another woman, who in turn holds onto the next woman, creating a human chain. I’m about lifting one woman up so that she can go out and create a ripple effect, making a change for those who enter her world.

I chose to focus on the women’s community because, first of all, I’m one of them. When I was building my business, I wanted a community of women who shared the same vision and energy. When we talk, it feels like a pajama party. There’s a different dynamic when women come together.

I would even say that in some ways, men have become the minority because women’s empowerment is so widespread now. But personally, I still have a deep connection to the sisterhood. We just need to find our tribe, where we feel comfortable supporting each other. Sisterhood is where I find my passion—it lights me up. It brings a smile to my face every day when I work with them. That’s the community I’ve chosen to serve.

SM: What do you think is distinct about female leadership that the world needs right now?

MK: I believe the world needs everyone. Each one of us has a purpose. No matter what your gender is or how you choose to identify, the world needs everyone, and everyone has a role to play. There’s no exclusion or inclusion—there’s just us. We’re all in this together.

However you decide to serve in this world, it’s valuable because you’re fulfilling your purpose. That, in itself, is the ultimate goal of what the world should be. So, no matter how you identify, the world appreciates you. And that’s what’s most important—that’s the belief we need to embrace in this world.

SM: Of all the directions your career could have taken, why did you develop such a passion for marketing?

MK: Marketing makes me feel alive. My personality has always been people-oriented—I love being around people and having conversations. People are my people. I find all sorts of ways to engage with them in conversation, and at its core, marketing is about that: having conversations, building relationships, and serving people by understanding exactly what they need. You do this by understanding what they’re going through.

Recently, I was discussing what makes a good marketer or coach, and one of the key qualities is empathy. Empathy is your superpower, both in coaching and marketing. Marketing relies heavily on empathy—you need to understand what your client or customer is going through to meet their needs and provide the right product or service.

Empathy has been a big lesson for me, something I learned from a young age. After my accident, I spent five years in a rehab center, where I was exposed to many other children and teenagers who had experienced similar trauma. Some of them were affected by polio, which was an epidemic in Taiwan and other parts of Asia in the ‘70s.

Being around them, I learned to empathize. I may not have looked like them, but I understood their struggles. I knew what it felt like to be bound to a wheelchair and unable to reach the top shelf. Through interacting with them, I learned to recognize their emotions, their limitations, and how I could help make things easier for them. I didn’t realize at the time that I was learning empathy.

Later in life, I continued to practice empathy, and when I got into marketing, I realized how crucial it was. It helped me understand what my clients were going through and how to position my services to help them. So, I wasn’t just teaching them about marketing—I was teaching them how to empathize, so they could create products and services that truly serve their clients.

SM: If you had to highlight one key takeaway for readers, what would it be?

MK: Permission. I think from what we’ve talked about today, it’s really about giving yourself permission—permission to be vulnerable, permission to allow yourself to have bad days. There will be times when things don’t go well, and you feel miserable. It’s important to give yourself permission to have that moment.

But also give yourself permission to set a time limit. For example, you can say, "I feel bad right now, but I’ll give myself five minutes to feel miserable." After those five minutes, ask yourself, "What’s the opportunity here? What do I need to learn?”

Permission is important because it allows us to reset and bounce back. Like a coil, you need to stretch, but you also need to allow it to return to its original state so that you can stretch even further.

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