Shedding the Masks that Keep Us Safe

Hey there,

One of my favorite performances of Dr. Maya Angelou is when she performed the poem The Mask. Check it out here.?

Every time I watch it, it is chilling and causes my eyes to sting with tears. She vividly speaks to the plight of a Black woman contending with gendered racism as she just tries to make it through the day.?

As she tells her story, you understand the necessity of the mask and the severity of the pain. Not just the pain underneath the mask but the pain that comes from having to wear the mask in the first place.

Thus, there are layers to the healing that need to occur, which can only happen through unmasking and becoming vulnerable. It’s in this space, the raw and unfiltered sharing of one’s deepest struggles, that my role as a counselor comes into focus.?

As a therapist, I have the privilege of seeing people unmasked and unguarded. I am trusted with a level of vulnerability that some people never get to see.?

It is beautiful, and it is heartbreaking.?

We wear these masks and put up these guards to stay safe… because we believe we are unsafe… and maybe we’re not.

… and let's face it, the world isn’t a safe place.

Yet, in our efforts to shield ourselves from the world’s awful realities, we often overlook an essential truth – our feelings and our thoughts don’t go away just because we aren’t sharing them.?

In fact, those feelings and thoughts embed themselves into our organs, into our very skin, and weigh us down. And we have been conditioned to carry that weight all on our own.

If we’re always masking, we get to a point where we keep ourselves from ourselves…

As Dr. Angelou orated, “We wear the masks that grins and lies. It shades our cheeks and hides our eyes. This debt we pay to human guile, with torn and bleeding hearts–we smile.”

In my previous article, I talked about creating sanctuary.?

We collectively defined this space of safety, where we take off the masks and let down the guards.?

This is necessary for our own sanity and our own wellness, and in turn, for the wellness of those connected to us. Because what we don’t talk out or let out, we act out.?

This may show up in being irritable or agitated and in turn being short or snapping at our children, our friends, our colleagues. It may show up in perpetual tiredness or even overeating. You may not consciously be aware of it, but it is showing up.?

It can be scary to unmask, and thus we must feel equipped to do so. In spite of the anxiety you may feel, I invite you to show up. Show up whole, for yourself, for your family, and in any space you inhabit.

Create sanctuary - but also be a sanctuary for yourself.?

Once I made the decision to be my 100% authentic self in every space, to let go of guards, it has not only been healing to me, but to others.?

Now, almost every time I speak at an event or guest lecture in class, someone comes up to me and tells me they were inspired to be their authentic selves.?

In fact, a student told me a few weeks ago that she loves my class because “I feel so much like myself in here.”?

It just doesn't get any better than that!

If you are willing to do another assignment for me… I want you to write down the purpose of your mask(s) or guard(s). This will help you to acknowledge the ways in which you have kept yourself safe and maybe even recognize that there may be other tools you can use that allow you to be authentic as you are navigating these spaces. Remember this journey is not about discarding parts of who you are, but rather uncovering the authenticity that has been there all along.

After identifying the purpose of these masks, begin the process of letting them go. By releasing these masks and guards, we not only set ourselves free, but step into the truth of who we are fully, courageously, and beautifully.??

This is an opportunity to embrace our genuine selves and witness where the path of self-realization leads us. Together, we can foster an environment where everyone, just like my student, feels so much like themselves.?

Know someone who might benefit from reading this? Tag at least one other person you love, admire, and respect and have them [follow me & subscribe here].?

Are you part of an organization or team that would benefit from wellness speaking, training, or consultation support? I’d love to connect!?

[Book a consultation call with me to share about your vision for your team or organization.]

Dr. Ebony White is a counselor, advocate, activist, speaker, trainer, researcher, and mental health expert. The Founder & CEO of Sikhona Sanctuary LLC and The Center for MARCUS, she has devoted her career to supporting under-resourced, underserved, culturally rich and immensely capable individuals, families, and communities. Her varied personal experiences, extensive education, and expertise in research and practice have uniquely positioned her to counsel, teach, and train in ways that lead to transformation in the lives of individuals, communities, and organizations.

Dr. Ebony’s impact reaches across the globe. As an expert in her field, she has supported local and national organizations including the NJ FBI, National League of Nursing, and the Center for Health Care Strategies (CHCS), and has been quoted in numerous news outlets including Newsweek, Medium, the Philadelphia Inquirer, PopSugar and the New York Times. She has been a repeated guest expert on CBS News in Philadelphia, FOX 29 News, and was featured on TVC News Nigeria. Furthermore, she has facilitated trauma work in Haiti, provided training to leaders in the healthcare system in Nigeria, and created a mental health course for students in Ghana.

Dr. Ebony has published several articles in peer-reviewed journals and appears in the advocacy focused video from Alexander Street Press titled Helping Counselors and Psychologists as Advocates and Activists: Strength, Solidarity, Strategy and Sustainability. Dr. Ebony also gave a TEDx talk, titled You Don’t Get to Name Me. Dr. Ebony has received multiple awards including the Community Service Award from the NJ State Federation of Colored Women’s Clubs and the Carver Youth and Family Center, the Dr. Judy Lewis Counselor for Social Justice Award from the American Counseling Association (ACA), and the Award for Outstanding Service and Advocacy to the Profession of Counseling from the North Atlantic Region of ACA.

Currently, Dr. Ebony is the Past President of Counselors for Social Justice, a national organization, and was appointed to the ACA Anti-Racism Commission. More important than her educational achievements and awards are her identities as a daughter, granddaughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, godmother, and niece. She lives by Ubuntu, “I am because we are, and because we are, I am.” Learn more about Dr. Ebony at https://www.drebonywhite.com.