Shed Your Shame

Shed Your Shame.

"Life doesn't give you a manual about how to raise kids. Especially a kid like you. It would be better if you were dead."?My parents were right. Life certainly does not give you a manual. But I didn't need a manual. Instead, what life offered was an opportunity to take refuge in what was real. Shamed, rejected, abandoned, assaulted, violated, tormented, tortured, terminated, and ex-communicated. These were my realities. These became my teachers. These were my foundations. I've learned to embrace them and see them for what they are in my life now.?

Two years ago, I revealed to my husband that I no longer wanted to live. I was frightened. For years, I lived life to prove my worth instead of valuing it. It didn't matter in my resume, bio, or LinkedIn profile. In every success and accomplishment, I went back to those words like a malignant tumor inside my head,?"It would be better if you were dead."?

I don't believe resilience can be coached or facilitated in an afternoon seminar or lunch and learn. It has to be lived and experienced through whatever means this great mystery of life determines. It's built through rejection and perseverance. Over and over and over and over...

My healing journey would only begin once I accepted what was. I was angry, jealous, bitter, fearful, hurt, confrontational, exhausted, and almost broken. Broken, for me, is when we pass into no return. And no return meant death. So, I was "almost broken." Which meant I had a chance. A chance to go inward to the darkest realms of me and do the work. Some refer to this as "shadow work." Working with your unconscious mind to uncover the parts of yourself that you repress and hide from yourself.

The most important part of my journey was learning to shed my shame. This isn't done once or twice in a lifetime. It's done repeatedly throughout lived experiences, even the traumatic ones. My healing journey started with forgiving myself and all my flaws. But also honoring myself for all the flaws. Because - I'm still here and still breathing.?For me, that means I must have done something right.

Like so many others, my life is miraculous. I wouldn't change one bit of this journey for anything. Every painful moment, obstacle, and trial has brought me exactly where I want to be. I want to be me. Just me, weird, flamboyant, and brilliantly, Clinton Shane. And no one or nothing else.?

So, shed your shame. The climb is unimaginable and overwhelming. But so is the view at the top. I hope anyone reading will enjoy this poem I wrote. I also hope you'll grant me an opportunity to share my story of resilience. ??

-Clinton Shane