She Won't Ask For Help

In 2005 I gave birth to my first daughter; she was a healthy 7 lb 8 oz little bundle of joy. I was awake every three hours for the first three months of her life. To top it off, she was a colic baby; she cried a lot. I tried everything, changing her, burping her, feeding her; I tried all the colic remedies. I remember her crying, and I was entirely out of consoling options. There was nothing more that I could do at that moment. So, I cried with her. I cried alongside my baby, like a baby, out loud. Eighteen years later, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

Despite loving my daughter with every bone in my body, I vowed that I would never have another baby; this was it. My pregnancy and the first six months of her life were the most challenging experience in my life. I was a married, single mother with zero support, which took a toll on me and my marriage. I later divorced in 2009. I vowed never to re-marry, and I was done having children.

But life happened; I fell in love, and what do you know, I married again in 2017, and by 2018 we welcomed our son to the world. This time I went into marriage and parenthood knowing precisely what I wanted in a partner and what I didn't. We had difficult conversations early on and unbeknownst to me we followed the Fair Play Life Curriculum. We also hired a mother's helper that quickly became our full-time nanny. She facilitated the ability for us to be doting parents while also being available to our career demands. Best of all, our nanny allowed us to cultivate a marriage that included date nights and quality time despite the pressure and requests of being a working parent.

Although I could speak up and ask for help, it came at the cost of a failed marriage, but I would apply what I learned the first time. Today, I speak about it openly despite society's taboo on such sensitive topics. According to a Stanford Study by Xuan Zhao we shy away from asking for help because we don’t want to bother other people, assuming that our request will feel like an inconvenience to them. But oftentimes, the opposite is true: People want to make a difference in people’s lives and they feel good – happy even – when they are able to help others, said Zhao.

So, how can you provide the necessary support and advocacy for a postpartum parent?

Ensure Rest:?

One of the most essential things spouses and families can do is ensure that mom gets enough rest. Sleeping patterns can be erratic during the early postpartum period, and mothers often do not get enough sleep. Therefore, family members can help by offering help with some of the household tasks, such as cooking, cleaning, and caring for the baby, to give moms a break. Unfortunately, many organizations in the U.S. do not offer paternity leave, and for some even if they do, they are busy executives or business owners that are not afforded the luxury of paternity leave. In this case, a mother's helper or postpartum doula is an excellent solution to providing a new mom with crucial support. Unlike a babysitter, a mother's helper works alongside the mother, helping with tasks such as feeding, playing with children, and tidying up. This gives the mother more time to accomplish other tasks or have a break while still having someone to assist with child care.

Postpartum Period is A Critical Time

The postpartum period is a critical time that requires support and advocacy. Dads can support and advocate for their postpartum wives by ensuring they get enough rest, providing emotional support, encouraging self-care, educating themselves, fostering communication, and involving other family members. A husband’s support and advocacy can make a world of difference in their wives’ lives and in turn, make the transition to parenthood easier for both parents.

The lack of postpartum support for mothers has become a prevalent issue. While pregnant, women are offered countless resources and care, but all the attention shifts to the baby once they give birth. This leaves mothers feeling depleted, sleep-deprived, and often emotionally and physically traumatized.

To combat this problem, Meg Murray Jones created Postpartum Plan, a comprehensive online program that offers holistic support for new parents. The program includes experts in women's health, physiotherapy, yoga, breath work, nutrition, and postpartum doula services.

The program focuses on the five pillars of postpartum recovery, beginning with mindset. Emotional health impacts physical well-being, and investing in self-care can make a significant difference in healing and recovery. Postpartum Plan recommends daily breath work and offers three different techniques taught by a certified instructor, Emma.

The second pillar of recovery is centered on providing mothers with information and support for their physical and emotional recovery. This includes exercises from a women's health physiotherapist, tips on how to sit, and how to support the body after abdominal and vaginal birth. The program also addresses emotional recovery, helping mothers with issues like pregnancy insomnia, birth trauma, and the adjustment to motherhood.

The third pillar, movement, focuses on restorative and low-impact exercises that help heal the body from the inside out. The program encourages mothers to connect with their bodies, emphasizing the importance of mental health. They recommend mindful movement like child's pose, which stretches the shoulders and back.

The fourth pillar, reflection, emphasizes the importance of self-awareness. Mothers rarely have time to reflect on their experiences postpartum, but Postpartum Plan teaches the value of reflective practice. Journaling and planning for the future are central to this pillar, with doula Thando guiding mothers through the process and helping to create compassionate boundaries. As Linda Finlay describes, reflective practice is ‘learning through and from experience towards gaining new insights of self’. Reflection leads to self-awareness and writing leads to creative release.?

Finally, the fifth pillar is nutrition. Labor burns approximately 100 calories an hour, and pregnancy and birth can deplete the mother's body of vital nutrients. The proper nutrition is essential for physical and emotional recovery and long-term energy levels. The program's nutritionist, Jess, provides recipes and a nutrition FAQ, making it easy for mothers to choose nourishing meals and snacks.

Postpartum Plan offers valuable advice, such as combining dark chocolate and green tea when craving sugar. This balances blood sugar and reduces the need for more sugar, and dark chocolate also increases endorphins, which help with tiredness and breastfeeding.

Postpartum Plan is revolutionizing the way society approaches postpartum care, focusing on the whole person and recognizing the importance of nurturing the mother and the baby.

If you want to find out more about Postpartum Plan, go to www.postpartumplan.co.uk or @postpartumplan