She LITERALLY just did this to me!

“Daddy, daddy, look!”

Ugh.  I knew this wouldn’t be good.

Last week, my eight-year old son Lane, was in desperate need to reenact the atrocity that just happened to him.

Lane - “Daddy, Ava LITERALLY just did this.”  Lane shoves himself violently to the floor along with the sound effects that only Michael Winslow from Police Academy could pull off.

Me - “Why did she do that little buddy?”

Lane - “Because I just barely touched her like this!”  Lane gently taps his own arm like you would if you were petting a strange dog that may bite your face off.

Now I wasn’t there to witness this event, however, the reality of the situation rarely matches the real-life scenario.

Likely, Ava and Lane were both in the wrong over a disagreement over the remote control that neither will remember by this time tomorrow.

But Lane was having a fit and needed to show me what awful thing happened and relive it again and again.

This is kind of his new thing.

“Daddy, daddy, look”, used to mean that he would show me how high he could jump, but now it’s to reenact the latest drama that happened to him.

And the reenactment is always way worse than what really happened.

It’s frustrating.

I always try to listen, empathize and then help him figure out how to handle the situation next time.

And by try, I mean I immediately cut him off and tell him to get over it, which I’m sure will come out to a hefty counseling bill when he’s in his mid-twenties.

But he has an excuse.  He’s eight.  

We don’t have that luxury.

Yet, we spend many of our waking ours reliving previous arguments and frustrations.

I still mentally argue with a boss from 14 years ago about projects and deadlines for a proprietary software that no longer exists.

In my mind, she said this and I said that, but here’s what I should’ve said and then she would’ve realized that I was RIGHT and she was WRONG!

In reality, I can barely remember what I’m mad about and she probably can’t even remember my name.

I’d like to say I’m alone in this type of thinking, but I’ve been coaching small business owners too long to believe that.

So many times I’ll have a client that can’t move past a previous hurt.

Things like:

• A needy customer, that kept asking for one more thing, but refused to pay any more.
• An employee you had to fire because of incompetence, yet they still said everything was your fault.
• A partner that wouldn’t hold up their end of the bargain and it almost became a legal issue.  Almost.

How many waking hours do you spend reliving the past events that can’t be changed?

What return on investment are you getting from that energy spent over old arguments?

The answer is nunzo (a clever word I made up that still hasn’t caught on.)

We learn how to do this early in life and we keep this habit forever.

Think about that.

When you are Lane’s age, you pick up this awful habit and just keep it forever and nurture it like a freaking pet.

That’s nuts!

When one of these recurring past events crosses your mind, you need to ask yourself, “what will the results be if I play mental gymnastics with this thought?”  

If the answer isn’t good, then immediately replace that past thought with whatever you are currently doing, i.e. driving, showering, typing, working in the yard, etc.

Or replace the thought with strategic ways to grow your business.  

Not worry, but actual planning.

As for Lane, hopefully, he will live through th....oh wait.  Nope, he’s yelling for me right now.

I think Lilly just ate the last cookie:).