She Leads from Within: Part 2--Miserable Steps

Looking back, I recall memories of a family vacation that had been absolutely wonderful. My husband Kurt and I met our two boys and their families at our favorite resort on the bend of the Columbia River in Eastern Washington. We delighted in our time with grandsons, Enzo and Austin, both three years old. We took boat rides and splashed in the pool. We took stroller rides and played in the sand.

And I’d eaten my way through it all. Through the giggles and our moments at the playground. I overate at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I snacked all day long. And eight days and eight pounds later, I looked down at the scale in disgust, trying hard to remember the wonderful times while I stared at my pronounced flaws. I stepped away and stood in front of the mirror.

My body shuddered; my shoulders slumped.

I was so tired of being emotionally tethered to food. Feeling bad, I eat. Feeling good, I eat. Feeling anything, I eat. I had to get away from the scale and the mirror. But not knowing what else to do, I decided to take a walk. My spirits low, my heart heavy, I stepped outside and began a miserable twenty-minute slog around the block.

Yes, a miserable slog. On a beautiful summer morning, my feet balked with every step. The fresh air stung my cheeks. I barely looked ahead, afraid that every passing car, every neighbor would surely recognize my shame. That morning I could not have imagined my time outside would be the first of 1461 (and counting!) consecutive walks. That such an accomplishment could come from such disappointment and frustration overwhelms me—in the best way.

Coming next week: ?????????? ???????????????? ??????????