She Knew

I visited my first cousin Joy the other day. Or, I should say, I visited Joy and her memories.

“It never entered my mind until later in life how selfish that was,” Joy said, sitting in her tidy and cozy camper.?

Teenagers aren’t selfish though.?They’re seeking. That’s exactly what Joy was doing back in the day.?She was seeking something better.?That’s the line of women I come from.?We’re seekers, strivers, and doers.?I am proud of them all and it was time for me to sit down and listen to Joy tell me what had woke her up one morning.

“I woke up thinking about the time I spent with Grandma Laura Tonniges,” she said, leaning in to tell me more. “I was living in Arizona with my mom who was working at Village Inn there and I wanted a job too, but it wasn’t going to work out there.?That’s when I called Grandma Laura and said, ‘There’s nothing here for me.’”

“In a heartbeat, I had a plane ticket to come to Nebraska,” Joy said with the deepest gratitude.?“I don’t know how she pulled the money together to do that.?She never said how she did it. She never mentioned it again.?I just had the ticket to come.”

“I lived with Grandma Laura Tonniges several months,” Joy went on.?“I was working in Thayer, Neb. at the steakhouse.?Grandma would drive me there to work and back because I didn’t have a license at the time.”??

“Now I look back and think of all the times I was running off at night to do stuff with my friends or something and she was just sitting there by herself,” Joy regretfully recalled in a fashion far too hard on herself.

“Now, so many times, I think of my own kids and how much I would love to see them more – just to come over and eat supper together.?But life is so busy for all of us it seems,” she added.?

Joy is right.?We don’t often realize when we’re young what we’re missing.?We just don’t.?

“I just think how we can be so insensitive to others when we’re young and when we’re old we just start thinking about it all and then we start experiencing that loneliness ourselves and it can get so rough,” she said.

Joy simply wanted to get the topic of loneliness off her chest in hopes that others could relate to the burdens of guilt and regret.?Burdens that rest heavy on the hearts of so many of us.?Guilt is like a dang prison.?It’s a prison that takes the listening ear and caring hearts of others to release us from. It’s good to know you’re not alone.?It’s good to hear you were a good person and just trying to grow up and live.?The conversation was good for me, and I hope it was good for Joy too.

“Grandma Laura was always tickled about me working at Thayer,” Joy admitted with a smile. “That was a big thing for her.?Yes, she liked that.”

Grandma was a worker too and made a lot out of a little Joy remembered, “Grandma’s house was always spotless. It was actually a little fancy for being as poor as they were.?Her wallpaper and colors and things she did were amazing.?She made ceramic vases and such and they were just beautiful.”?

Joy has always been beautiful too with a creative knack. I remember Joy the most singing in a country band.?There were pictures my mom Lorraine had of her and others wearing sequined outfits and cowboy boots.?Joy loved those days, “I remember playing in the band a lot.?That was something I loved.?Yet, it baffles me how much I can’t remember.?There are times I think to myself, ‘Where in the hell was I? Or, where was I living??Where did my dog, Cowboy go? I remember some of those times, and forget others.?I think that has something to do with things not being so stable early in our lives.?It’s just the way life goes.”

Much of the stability in Joy’s life was Joy herself and the work ethic she picked up in the genes from her strong ancestors.?Work ethic and a maternal instinct she learned from her Grandma Laura, “When it came to my four, wonderful kids, I would do anything in the world for them and I still will.?I tried to shield my kids from too much crazy because I could not have them growing up the way I had.?I never once had the electricity shut off.?I never once slept in a car and didn’t have a place to live.?My kids had their own beds, and they always had a home.?They always had food on the table.?I don’t know how I did it, but by the grace of God.”

The grace of God needs a vehicle though and in this case that vehicle was a mom who loved and still so deeply loves all her children and grandchildren so much, “I always worked hard.?I was never afraid to work.”

Joy certainly learned how to work, and she also learned about something even more important from Grandma Laura too, “Grandma always had so much grace and so much love.”

Grace and love are things Joy has loads more to give too, “I just know that when we’re young, we need to not take so much for granted.?I can’t fix all of that now because Grandma is gone.?But, I think she knew I loved her.”

Joy, your words of wisdom are a great reminder for all of us.?And, when it came to your love for her, Grandma Laura absolutely knew.?She knew. ????

A little more to the story . . .

While I was visiting Joy, she brought out a newspaper clipping. It does not have the name of the newspaper or date on it, but it does say it was written for “Pioneer Days” and outlines some of Grandma Laura and Grandpa Albert Tonniges’s history.?

Noteworthy and not in the news clipping:?Prior to their marriage, Grandma Laura Tonniges helped her father keep the farm going as well as raised her siblings because her mother died in childbirth.

Excerpt from Joy’s news clipping:?

“Albert and Laura (Tonniges) were married May 27, 1928, at St. Paul Lutheran Church near her home.?They became the parents of Opal, Norma, Roger, and later Lorraine.?Their dreams of farming for themselves were shattered during the depression of the 1930s, forcing them at times to live with families of Bert’s (Albert’s nickname) brothers and sisters.?This was a time of great anxiety for Bert and Laura and many other young married couples with families.?For the children, it meant growing up with cousins and appreciating small things like chocolate pudding and homemade bread.?Bert provided merriment with the music of his violin or ‘fiddle’ until it was crushed during one of their many moves.”

Always finding work . . .

“Bert went to Iowa to pick corn where there were crops growing.?He could pick over 100 bushels a day by hand with a hook on a leather strap and a team of horses for companionship all day.”?

“It was a happy time to have him come home after the snows.?Usually, he brought a basketful of apples from Nebraska City as he came.?Bert worked at a great variety of farm related jobs or for other farmers all his life . . . He mowed the roadside and ditches with his team of horses for the State of Nebraska.?He also prepared the soil for many of the gardens for the townspeople of Gresham.?After school, Laura might say to one of the children, ‘Run and get a quarter from Dad to buy meat for the evening meal.’”

“Bert and Laura were also faithfully custodians and groundkeepers of the St. Peter Lutheran Church in Gresham for many years.”

“Laura, desiring to be a nurse after working some in the hospital in York, realized her dream by taking a correspondence course from the Chicago School of Nursing.?She received almost perfect grades and her LPN diploma which she proudly hung in her bedroom.?After there was no longer a doctor in Gresham, Laura was often called on to lend a helping hand for sick people.?Laura and Bert also took elderly persons into their home to care for.”?

“Laura also cooked at the school for many years, being very conscious of the food values she served.?She worked in the Thompson Dry Goods and Hinze Grocery Stores too.”?

“The grandchildren loved to have Bert play accordion for them.?They and the town’s children also had a special treat. If it snowed enough, Bert would be patient and get out the team and hitch it to the sleigh for a ride.?It was especially fun if the bells were added to the horses’ harnesses.”?

“Bert and Laura did not have to handle great wealth, but through their lives God did bless their family and others.”

My motivation for Word & Deed Communications Legacy Stories is to show the dignity, strength, and endurance it takes to survive through life.?I have now seen examples of crushed dreams, and yet people still finding meaning in their lives and a way forward, all over the world.?Crushed dreams often begin when people don't have the strong support of family, are faced with the oppression of economic hardships, and the loss of a chance to touch the soil. This is my way to begin showing people what true courage looks like.?Everyone has courage in their story.?Everyone has mistakes too.?The very good news is, if we’re still here, we can do something about it.?I can and you can too.?Therein lies the – hope.????