Sharma Uncle, Thanos, and Why Chai Doesn’t Need Committees

It started as a casual catch-up—coffee, a bit of banter, and the usual updates. But halfway through my Americano, my friend, a director of a successful company, looked up from his green tea and declared, with the unshakable confidence of a TED Talk speaker, “Processes kill agility.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Says the guy drinking green tea. Speed and freedom clearly died somewhere between ‘lemon wedge’ and ‘no sugar.’”

“At least my drink doesn’t need a Gantt chart to order. You coffee people treat a cup of caffeine like project planning; double shot, oat milk, no foam. Do you also send status updates to your barista?”

“Better that than chai-fueled philosophical monologues about agility,” I shot back. “Green tea is like a motivational speaker who leaves you questioning your life choices. My coffee? It’s a shot of adrenaline with a to-do list stapled to it.”!’

He wasn’t letting it go. “No, listen. Steer Coms, escalation matrices, endless reviews; they’re all excuses to dodge decisions. Businesses don’t need processes. They need speed. Freedom.”

I smirked. “You sound like me nine months ago.”

That caught him mid-sip. He choked, sputtering tea across the table. “Wait; you’ve changed? The guy who once said, ‘Processes are for people who need flowcharts to find the restroom’? What happened? Did someone trap you in a room with pie charts and a motivational consultant chanting, ‘Optimize the deliverables? Was it death by synergy?”

“Close,” I said, leaning forward. “But here’s the thing: chaos feels fast, but it doesn’t get you far. Sure, it works when you’re small but scaling isn’t about duct tape and vibes. Processes don’t kill agility "BAD" processes do.”

"Steercom: Chai Sugar, Now with Minutes"

“You mean to tell me the consultants were useful?” he asked, grinning.

“Well,” I said, “they arrived armed with spreadsheets, flowcharts, and enough buzzwords to make a LinkedIn influencer cry tears of joy. By hour two of the third or maybe fourth steercom, where they were dissecting white spaces, scalability, and possibly the meaning of life, I realized something profound: the problem wasn’t them. It was us.”

"We didn’t have processes; we had vibes. Decisions were made by whoever shouted loudest or had the fanciest title. That’s fine when you’re small, but when you’re trying to scale? Chaos isn’t a strategy it’s an invitation for disaster.”

“And the processes didn’t help?” he asked, clearly fishing for a win.

“Not when they sucked the empowerment out of the system,” I said. “Suddenly, every decision needed a committee. Five emails to decide how much sugar in chai, three polls for consensus, and by the time the tea was ready, half the team had switched to green tea and the other half was doing a kombucha tasting. The guy on the ground? He couldn’t even refill the kettle without an escalation matrix. Agility didn’t just pack its bags; it left a resignation letter on the desk.”

"Sharma Uncle’s Cricket Tribunal"

“Let me guess,” he said, laughing. “This is where Sharma uncle comes in?”

“Of course,” I said. “The beauty of gully cricket was its adaptability. The rules were simple: hit the ball into Sharma uncle’s garden, and you’re out. But as kids we adapted. Too many players? Add another fielder. Game dragging? Switch to ‘one-tip-one-hand.’ The rules kept the game moving.”

“And what would committees do to gully cricket?”

“They’d turn it into a housing society AGM,” I said. “Sharma uncle would demand pre-approvals for sixes, introduce biometric attendance for fielders, and charge a run tax for every boundary. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started a ‘Catch Notarization Form’ to validate disputed dismissals.”

"Thanos: The Snap CEO"

“You know who didn’t waste time with approvals?” I asked. “Thanos.”

He blinked. “Wait, what?”

“Think about it,” I said, grinning. “Thanos didn’t have time for galactic steercoms. He had the gauntlet, the Infinity Stones, and a system that worked. The Power Stone didn’t need a Teams channel vote. The Time Stone didn’t need a feasibility study. He empowered his tools, trusted them to execute, and that’s why the snap happened.”

He burst out laughing. “Yeah, but even Thanos wouldn’t survive a steercom chaired by Sharma uncle.”

“True,” I admitted. “Bad processes are like a shiny gauntlet with no stones flashy, useless, and guaranteed to waste everyone’s time. Good processes? They make the impossible inevitable.”

"Endgame: Empowerment is the Snap"

“So,” he said, finishing his green tea like he’d just solved the process-agility debate, “you’re finally agreeing - PROCESSES KILL AGILITY.”

“Not exactly,” I replied. “Chaos feels fast, bad processes kill speed, but good processes? They’re like a dhaba cook—quick, efficient, and delivering results without needing three WhatsApp polls for chai sugar.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And Sharma uncle?”

“Build processes that empower people, and even Sharma uncle might approve a six without biometric verification, a notarized affidavit, and a neighbor’s NOC.”

He smirked. “Fair. But if I see you walking into steercom with a gauntlet, I’ll have to knock some sense into you; because even the perfect tool can’t save a meeting drowning in approvals”.

“Deal,” I said. “Unless Sharma Uncle’s chairing it then even Thanos will need the Avengers, two affidavits, and a GST invoice to survive.”

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