Sharing Your Own "Stuff" With Your Children: What to and not to share, when and how

Many mental health professionals, me included, have to deal with our own mental health issues. That's probably what drew a lot of us to the field. While going through my own ups and downs along with how my mood, behavior and communication change, I always wonder, "How much should I share about what I'm going through."

I know I'm not alone. There are millions of parents in our country who struggle daily with their own mental illness. For years this topic was off the table or minimized leaving us with more questions and confusion. Fortunately the pendulum seems to be swinging in the right direction with the new generations taking a greater interest in their own and others' mental health.

Like most other information, when deciding what to share about yourself with your child will depend on several factors including age, maturity, development and their own emotional well being. Here are some quick tips to help guide you when you're unsure what to share and how to share it:

1. Know your kid: Some children, depending more on maturity and development, will be able to handle learning that their parent is or has dealt with their own mental illness or instability. If your child is extremely sensitive and internalizes everything, don't go into too much alarming detail and always focus on what you are doing to get better.
2. Age and maturity: For younger children, keep it more vague with statements such as "daddy isn't feeling too hot and needs to rest tonight." As children get older, they might be more perceptive that something is wrong so share the truth, but don't overwhelm them. You can let them know that you're dealing with (insert characteristic here such as more anxiety or sadness than usual) but always reiterate that you are getting help and it is not their fault.
3. Be ready for questions: Younger children might want to know how you "got it" or how it can be fixed while older children may ask if they have the same disorder. If you're unsure how you would answer these questions, reach out to your therapist or go to some reputable sights such as the National Institute of Mental Health or the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
4. Reassurance: More than anything, children need to know that you'll be ok! This all boils down to that one idea. Take this opportunity to show them how to get help, take care of their own emotional well being and treat this as they were to treat a medically related issue (i.e., multi-disciplinary approach using data and research).

We all have our own "stuff." Sometimes it intensifies and requires additional treatment and support. Our children are likely aware that something is going on so be prepared to share in a developmentally appropriate manner with emphasis on your plan to get better. If you or your spouse is dealing with something more intense, consider having your child speak with a mental health professional.