Sharing words of comfort for anyone who is currently unemployed

To anyone struggling with being unemployed, I feel for you. I fervently hope my thoughts provide you some comfort.?

I was reminded of the pain of being unemployed this weekend because I was feeling profoundly lonely. To me, one of the greatest aches is the longing for community, the yearning to be included, the desire to belong.?

And when you’re between jobs, you’re likely to miss the human connection, camaraderie, and shared purpose that work provides you. That’s akin to loneliness, as I see it.

Even if you chose to leave your company, your needs for meaningful affiliation don’t go away. If you were let go by your organization, you may feel shame on top of sadness, and that’s a heavy load.

I’ve been feeling sad here in San Diego for a while now, because I’ve yet to build my local tribe where I feel I truly belong. I moved here six months before the pandemic, and when we first went into quarantine, I realized I had made a handful of acquaintances, but had no deep local friendships.?

If I got sick, who would bring me food or take me to the doctor? If something wonderful happened, who would join me for a celebration? When strong feelings were swirling, who could I meet up with for a hug and a hike?

Slowly, since things have opened up, I’ve established two friendships that are strong enough where I now regularly receive — and am touched to give — that kind of support.

This weekend, I felt a wave of grief wash over me as I kept thinking of my father, who I lost last year. I wanted to talk through my feelings, yet both of the new-found close local friends were preoccupied.?

I sat in my loneliness alone. I sought comfort by searching for wisdom online. That’s not always wise, as surfing the Internet can be trigger all kinds of unfortunate comparisons, especially on social media, which I aboided.?

In my searching, I found solace in these words:?

“Loneliness is found in the space between the person you know yourself to be and the people in your life who can see you that way.”

I longed for people who could recognize the depth of love I have for my family. I wanted to share my sadness so that I could know the reflection of the fondness I will carry forever for my father.?

Deep friendships provide us the space to be seen for the qualities we hold dear about ourselves.

And the friendships and other strong bonds we build at work give us the opportunity to receive appreciation for our talents and essential qualities. When you’re in a role that truly fits you, it can be so affirming to have others utilize, magnify, and develop your talents.?

So, if right now, you’re between roles and you’re missing the space where people see the talents and qualities you long for others to see, I want to offer a few invitations:

(1) Replace the word “unemployed” with “between roles.” Words matter to our mindset. Personally, I find the word “unemployed” to be too pejorative. It calls out what you are not (employed), instead of reminding you of what you’re capable of (so much). Tell yourself and others, “I’m currently between roles,” and notice if that lightens your situation even a little bit.?

(2) Write a list of the talents and qualities for which you want to be seen, known, and appreciated. Make the list as long as possible. Add to it as new ideas arise. Then, find friends, family members, former colleagues and past clients?

and ask them “Would you be willing to share with me the talents and qualities you see, know, and appreciate me for?”?

If they say “yes,” sit back and listen with as open a mind and heart as you can. Receive the reflection. Add the talents and qualities you hear to your own list. Allow yourself to feel pride in yourself. You deserve that. Soak it up. Revel in it. Repeat with as many people as possible.?

As a next step, tell this person, “I’m looking for my next role at a place that will appreciate me for the qualities you just mentioned. If you happen to know a person or an organization who can use someone with my talents and qualities, would you be willing to make an introduction?” It’s a brave request, and I trust you’ll hear “yes” (or some variation) from most of the people you ask. Every connection counts.

(3) Each day of your job search, close your eyes and vividly imagine connecting with at least one new person who sees and values some of your talents and qualities. Allow positive emotions to build around the visualization. Hold the intention that you are getting closer and closer to landing a role that truly fits for you. This boosts your motivation and energy, and makes it more likely you’ll find an ideal role soon.?

(4) Build your own community of fellow job seekers, others who — like you — are between roles. LinkedIn is a great place to create that for yourself. You can seek out the “open to work” indication on people’s profiles and offer to connect. You post a Zoom gathering for fellow job seekers to get acquainted and explore the roles you’re pursuing and ways you can support one another. You can set up co-working time to do your job search elements — like polishing your resume, doing outreach, practicing for interviews — and do check-ins for accountability and encouragement.

Loneliness is a state we all visit from time to time. If you look inward to explore what you’re needing, you can answer those needs, whether that’s for friendship or new work colleagues. Regardless, my hope is that you find and create your tribe, to fill that “space between the person you know yourself to be and the people in your life who can see you that way.”

May you be with your people!?

Now, YOU: What’s a community, tribe, company, or organization you’re glad to be a part of?

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