Sharing, according to my Dad

Today I passed cupcakes around the office. My birthday is actually on the 26th of December, right smack in the middle of the holidays, but I wanted to celebrate it with my colleagues before the long break. I did it in honour of my dad. I'll tell you why.

Many years go when I was about five or six, I went out of my house with a bag of snacks and went to the fence to meet the neighbouring kids. I munched and munched on my snacks while talking to them, then my dad called me in. He said "Did you eat that by yourself?" I said yes. He looked at me sternly and said, "NEVER eat in front of others if you're not going to share." Well me being me, and being five, went into a big sulk and stomped into my room. What's the big deal? I thought. It's not like the neighbours wanted my snacks or else they would have asked. 

The next day my dad came home from the office bringing a plastic bag of an assortment of snacks. I ran over to the garage to meet him, but instead of giving me the bag, he went over to the fence and gave them to the neighbouring kids. Me being me, and being five, went into a big sulk-and-stomp tantrum again. Those are MY snacks. MINE. Why did dad give them to the girls next door?

Then my dad went inside and looked for me. He told me bluntly: "These snacks are nothing much to you because I can afford them. But just because I can, doesn't mean every father can. When I was little, I used to watch other children eat things that your grandfather could not afford and I felt angry, hungry and  sad. It is not a good feeling and you should not make other people feel like that. Don't be a selfish young lady. Don't you ever go eat in front of your friends if you do not intend to share."

Something in the way he said it etched his words into my head. From that point onward, dad was always instructing (well my dad was a stern man, everything was pretty much an instruction) me to bring extra food to school or extra plates to class parties even when the teacher said each student just has to bring for him/herself. I saw the logic in it and so I grew up hosting parties and Raya open houses for my friends and when I started working I did the same for my colleagues.

My dad passed in 1995 before I even finished law school. Looking through his old documents I realised how powerful a man he was in his career. His photos showed him with his staff and important people of all sorts. When people came to pay their condolences, they all had one common thing to say. How generous he was.

My dad wasn't the easiest of dads to love. He was very stern and had very high expectations of everything. But his philosophy of generosity became part of me. Today, I am a manager of a group of companies, with teams of staff under me, just short of one rank from my dad before he died. He probably would not care much for my academic or professional achievements as I probably would not meet his expectations, but, I would like to think that in Jannah he would be proud of me for remembering what he told me about those snacks, and how I honoured him for the matter so close to his heart: to share whatever I have with those around me. 

Abu Bakar Md Yussof, Justice of the Peace, was one of the pioneers of Sabah Bank Berhad and Bank Utama (which have now been taken over by other banks).  He was also my dad. I inherited none of his genius, but today, whatever barakah that comes from sharing my cupcakes around, I dedicate to him. Rest in peace dad. I am who I am today because you scolded me about being selfish with my snacks.