Shared Experiences in Parenting with Rachel Chapko

Let Them See You Fail

As parents, we strive to shield our children from disappointment and failure. It's natural to want to protect them from life's inevitable challenges, but what if I told you that letting your kids see you fail might just be one of the most valuable lessons you can impart?

Children are sponges, absorbing not just our words but also our actions and reactions. They look up to us as role models, observing how we navigate life's highs and lows. While it might seem counterintuitive, showcasing our ability to handle failure and disappointment in healthy ways can profoundly impact their development.

That isn't to say we should show them every mental breakdown or have them be an audience to every hard conversation we have. But what do they learn when they see your reaction to a burnt dinner? How will they feel seeing you apologize when you're wrong??

Here are three ways letting your kids see you overcome failures in your life could set them up for long-term success.

Normalizing Failure

By openly acknowledging and normalizing failure, we tell our children that it's a natural part of life. It's helpful for them to learn that everyone experiences setbacks, no matter how old they are. This normalization reduces the stigma attached to failure and fosters resilience in our children. Not only will they feel comfortable knowing failure is a normal part of learning, but they'll also have the courage to try new things and work outside their comfort zone. Whether or not their plan works, their confidence won't be shaken because they'll know failure is simply an opportunity to try again, this time with more experience.

Teaching Resilience

Children learn by example. When they witness us encounter a setback and continue to persist, adapt, and move forward with helpful attitudes, they'll know how to overcome hard moments when they make their own mistakes. They understand that setbacks are not roadblocks but opportunities for growth and learning. Life never promises to be easy, so demonstrating attitudes that keep them moving forward is valuable parenting.

Modeling Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Our reactions to failure speak volumes. Demonstrating healthy coping mechanisms—problem-solving, seeking support, or self-care—shows children constructive ways to manage disappointment and frustration. Nobody is immune to making mistakes, so letting your kids see how to handle them in healthy ways instills a skill set that will keep upgrading them for the rest of their lives.

In a world that often glorifies success and achievement, it's crucial to emphasize the importance of failure as a stepping stone to success. Letting our children see us stumble and then rise again with resilience and determination helps shape their attitudes and behaviors toward failure in the long run.

So, the next time you face a setback, consider inviting your children into the process. Talk to them about what happened, how it made you feel, and your steps to move forward. By doing so, you're not just teaching them about failure; you're equipping them with invaluable life skills that will serve them well into adulthood. Remember, it's not about avoiding failure—it's about teaching them how to bounce back from it stronger than before.

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