Shaming People Into Action? It Backfires
I’ve been seeing a lot of people use shame as a "tool" to try to change others’ behavior or beliefs, assuming that making them feel bad enough will influence them to take action. But research in social psychology tells a different story. Shame doesn’t create accountability—it triggers a self-protection response that shuts people down. When someone experiences shame, their brain perceives it as a social threat, activating the same defense mechanisms we rely on for physical survival. Instead of engaging, reflecting, or learning, they withdraw, avoid, or disengage entirely. Rather than motivating positive action, shame often reinforces feelings of helplessness and unworthiness, making change even less likely.
In 1996, Keltner & Buswell found that shame doesn’t lead to immediate behavior change. Instead, it forces people into retreat, where they focus on emotional recovery rather than problem-solving. This has major implications for how we communicate—whether in workplaces, relationships, or public discourse. Calling people out, humiliating them, or using shame as a weapon might feel like holding them accountable, but in reality, it often delays or prevents meaningful change. When people feel attacked, they don’t open up to new perspectives; they double down, shut down, or quietly disengage. Shame isolates, but real change happens in connection.
领英推è
If we truly want to influence behavior and inspire growth, we need to create environments that foster psychological safety. People are far more likely to change when they feel understood, supported, and capable—not when they feel small and defensive. Leadership, teaching, and advocacy are most effective when they empower people to reflect and take action, rather than making them afraid of failing in front of others. Change happens when people have the space to process, the encouragement to step forward, and the belief that they are capable of doing better.
#socialpsychweekly #effectivecommunication #shame #socialpsychology #behaviorchange #influence
Storyteller | AI for Insights | Workshop Facilitator | HCD, BeSci & HX enthusiast | Ex- Ogilvy | Ex- Synovate
1 周Shaming people into change is like trying to teach a dog to fetch by throwing a stick at it and then yelling at it—i suspect the dog would just end up hiding under the couch!
Master Certified Coach for Global Tech Executives
2 周... I would love a link to the paper you quote here. I work with Braver Angels on cross-political conversations and I think this would be very helpful. Thanks for this reminder.
Lead sterile tech at Portsmouth Regional Hospital - New Hampshire
2 周It really does
Performance Improvement Consultant. Your thinking drives your emotion, which drives what you do, which delivers your results. Management & Leadership Development
2 周I've tried to read all the comments to check if I'm duplicating... I agree and recognise with your points 100%. Because of the stated behaviours, Zelensky's treatment at the hands of D Trump and J Vance will cause a doubling down and self protection. Thus causing a delay to meaningful progress towards peace. What are the chances that you can get your article in front of Trump and Vance?
Aerospace and marine engineer and Researcher
3 周Thanks Amy Cuddy, this was a really helpful article for me .... Really interesting and thoughtful