SHAME ON YOU!

Over the years, I've shared my burnout history with a lot of people. Anyone who googles me will find my name related to mental health. This is a conscious choice that I have made and with which I am 100% comfortable. Of course, it hasn't always been that way.

P-DIAGNOSIS

I will never forget that day in 2000 when I left my GP with a "P-diagnosis". The letter P and a number which indicated that I was on sick leave due to a psychological or mental illness. The total failure.

It was as if there was a big luminous P on my forehead and that everyone could see that "there she goes, Wenche with the P diagnosis".

SOCIAL STIGMA

The social stigma associated with mental illness is hard to bear for most people, regardless of diagnosis. I found it very hard in a consulting world with s strong performance and delivery culture. In this world, people are successful with a perfect fa?ade.

Many have prejudices and biases towards people with "mental health problems". Everyone with mental illness is “unstable” and will never recover. Of course, it's not like that. These prejudices help make the situation even more difficult for those who are struggling. I experienced that my own prejudices and lack of knowledge about mental illness scared the hell out of me in the initial phases.

Eventually, I realized that I had simply struggled so hard to deliver on all areas of life, that my body and mind eventually said stop.

When continuous infections, back problems and difficulty concentrating failed to stop me, it took a severe depression to stop me.

In other words, the burnout/depression was a natural reaction to having pushed myself way too hard over many years.

I experienced that people look the other way when they saw me, that they didn't dare talk to me and at least didn't dare ask me how I was doing. When I entered the room, people stopped talking. I experienced people avoiding me by walking the other way. I experienced managers who didn't want to see that I was on the verge of burning out, because their only focus was project deliveries. I experienced leaders who didn't dare to see that I was struggling, because they didn't know how to deal with it. I experienced leaders who weren't able to see that I was on the verge of breakdown, because they didn't know what to look for.

Of course, this was a very painful experience. I felt so alone and "lost." Struggling with things that few people dared to talk about, made the situation so much more difficult. I wished many times that I was "really sick" or physically ill, so that it was visible to others why I was on sick leave and that we actually could talk about it.

MY OWN SHAME

The worst stigma, however, was my own internalized shame. I was so full of shame and contempt for what had happened to me. How could perfect Wenche end up with a mental diagnosis like depression? Why wasn't I able to stop myself until it was too late?

The despair was immense in the first few months. Accepting the situation was terribly difficult.

I didn't want to be burned out. I didn't want to be on sick leave. I didn't want to be depressed. I didn't want a mental illness. I didn't want a P-diagnosis.

I felt the immense shame in various situations. Going out in the middle of the day in my neighborhood so everyone could see that I was home during the day. Returning home after delivery the kids in daycare in the morning, instead of going to work. Answering questions like "what do you do for a living?" in social situations. Sitting in the waiting room at my local “Labor and welfare administration” office, feeling that I do not belong here. Receiving sick pay and work assessment allowance. Getting an exemption card. Seeing my HR folder at work get thicker and thicker. Becoming a “case”.

I HAVE TO EXPLAIN.

I also experienced a great need to explain to others what had happened. I felt like I owed everyone an explanation. So they could understand. At night, I could wake up from a long internal monologue in which I tried to explain specifically to my colleagues what had happened. That I'd been pushing myself too hard for years. That it was a natural reaction. That it happens to a lot of people. That it can happen to anyone. That it could happen to you. That I was just exhausted and depressed. That I was just a human being.

I had to work hard to accept the situation. I had to learn to lower the expectations to myself and be kind to myself. I had to learn to be patient and give myself time to get well. And last but not least, I didn't owe anyone an explanation.

HOW DARE YOU?

How dare you be so open, many people ask me. Aren't you afraid of being stigmatized and labelled "mentally unstable"? Aren't you afraid that your medical history will encumber you in relation to future employers?

At my lowest point, I was scared. I still chose to be open.

Today I'm not afraid. I'm confident in what I've been through. Today, I am not afraid that my medical history will "encumber" me in relation to any other employers. I chose to own my story. I see the burnout as a valuable experience that will be on my CV along with my achievements.

I would never choose a new employer who does not see this as a positive life experience to bring into the workplace. For me, a good workplace is a place where you dare to talk about mental health, with leaders who understand that people live whole lives, that don't always run smoothly. I want an employer who cares about me and who provides a soft place to fall.

AM I ASHAMED?

Not the slightest! I have no reason to be ashamed. I am not ashamed to be a human being; a vulnerable person. Being human is being vulnerable. On the other hand, this has made me into a stronger and wiser person. I'm glad I've learned so much. I am grateful that it happened because it has given me a much better and richer life. I am proud for the work I have done to raise awareness about mental health both in my workplace and in society.

WE ALL HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH

We all have a mental health. In Norway, we expect that 50% of the population will experience some form of mental illness during one's lifetime. (ref. Norwegian Psychologists' Association). We waste so much energy stigmatizing people with mental illness. We inflict so much shame on people, which only makes the situation even more difficult for those who are struggling.

Let's move on. Let's talk openly about mental health. Let's be human; in all our glory and shortcomings!

"What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is?shame for being human.”?~ Brené Brown