Shame On You : Moments Navigating the Thresholds of Character and Conduct

In the intricate tapestry of human interactions, we often find ourselves confronted with moments that leave us utterly dumbfounded. It's that instance when someone's character unfolds in a way we never anticipated, leaving us speechless, surprised, and sometimes on the brink of uttering those three powerful words: Shame on you. These moments force us to question not only the actions of others but also our own ability to discern and understand those around us.?

The shock of discovering someone's disconcerting behaviour is not just a personal struggle; it's a societal phenomenon that forces us to question our collective tolerance for wrongdoing. How long have we, as a society, silently carpeted the actions of those who manipulate, use, and play with others' lives within their own environments, whether small or large? Moreover, how long have we allowed the silent tolerance to persist, leaving bystanders unaware of the manipulation at play?

Within the realm of high-impact teams, there often lurks that one odd individual who disrupts the harmonious synergy. This person, though lacking in competency and personal growth, manages to secure a seemingly irreplaceable role, perhaps due to their strategic positioning in key networks. Their influence, especially in roles involving communication, becomes paradoxical, as their own proficiency in effective communication is conspicuously absent.

Stepping away from a award-winning roles a choice I make because (it’s not been easy) but my moral compass refuses for me to spend my time, my wealth in energy pools with rotten fish who are hell bent on stinking up the pond ; how a small but disruptive group of people can impact team dynamics, causing distance and even prompting warnings related to religious biases, money one may make, levels hired at irrespective of what they bring to the table is beyond me.?

Sharing a little para from the book my own life ;? I've been fortunate to find rooms where people uplift each other. A recent heartwarming experience stands out, where a colleague, initially seen as competition, organised Sunday masses for me during a challenging time of health struggles. It was a virtual sanctuary where, amidst our professional tasks, we prayed for each other.?

The beauty of this connection took an unexpected turn when I shared it with my team, only to receive a warning call from an individual who saw conspiracy in camaraderie. Her unfounded fears about conversion and disparaging remarks about people from a JNU background struck a dissonant chord. Despite the overwhelming blows, my internal response echoed: shame on you. Empathy of course arose for her, she lacked the solace that comes from shared prayers. No one had extended such a gesture of goodwill to her, prompting her to misconstrue our actions, maybe - I gave her the benefit of the doubt too. But her call wasn't a check on my healing but a warning, poisoning the narrative against someone genuinely trying to spread positivity. I defended our intentions, but her nodal role in the team constrained my response.?

The lingering question remains—why the estrangement, the hatred? Both my colleague and I had only goodwill for her (my colleague was also left unaware of course, of this exchange and I threatened to disassociate and learn my role and hierarchy above her). We went above and beyond to enhance her work, even when she took undue credit. Despite leaving her team due to numerous issues, including character improvement suggestions, every attempt to uplift her brought out a resonant "shame on you." With age comes wisdom, or so they say, yet her actions belied this expectation. Opportunities to build a stronger team, foster communication, and forge friendships at work were overlooked, and instead, a culture of pettiness thrived.

My colleague remains clueless, as do the others she bad mouthed. Some now know, we’ve discussed how she played all of us against all of us to keep her job - shame on her.?

This incident and the individual involved are not isolated occurrences. The underlying purpose of sharing this narrative is not solely to vent frustrations. Instead, it stands as a cautionary tale for those who might find themselves in comparable situations, with the following key understandings:

a) You're Not Alone: It's crucial for individuals facing similar challenges to recognize that they are not isolated in their experiences. The sense of isolation often accompanies toxic situations, making individuals feel as though their struggles are unique. By sharing this story, the aim is to reassure others that they are not alone in grappling with disruptive behaviors and toxic dynamics within their professional or personal spheres.

b) Resisting Normalization: The narrative underscores the importance of resisting the normalization of behaviors that can lead to genuine mental health challenges. By shedding light on the impact of toxic behavior on individuals genuinely driven by good intentions, the hope is to challenge the acceptance of such behavior as the norm. This resistance involves acknowledging the toll it takes on mental well-being and taking collective action to address and rectify toxic patterns.

Additionally reflect upon as we heal from our own such moments in silence, or enable through sharing saving another someone through our own narrative :?

The Silent Costs of Momentary Wins:

The journey towards professional success can sometimes exact a toll on individual well-being. The cost of tolerating toxic behavior, whether in the form of public put-downs, humiliation, or compromised self-esteem, raises a poignant question about what we are willing to sacrifice for short-term victories. The struggle becomes even more pronounced for those who, despite recognizing the toxicity, find themselves unable to extricate from the situation due to emotional or financial constraints.

The Odd Rotten Fish in Impactful Teams:

Within the realm of high-impact teams, there often lurks that one odd individual who disrupts the harmonious synergy. This person, though lacking in competency and personal growth, manages to secure a seemingly irreplaceable role, perhaps due to their strategic positioning in key networks. Their influence, especially in roles involving communication, becomes paradoxical, as their own proficiency in effective communication is conspicuously absent.

This phenomenon extends beyond the corporate sphere. Renowned musician Sonu Nigam sounded a warning in the music industry, emphasising how a seemingly powerful force can divert attention from the magic of artistry to focus on credit, currency, and conversions. He chose to detach from a system that prioritised personal gains over ethical considerations and the genuine passion for artistic expression.

This narrative resonates with the broader issue of individuals in influential positions compromising artistic integrity for personal gain. It underscores the dilemma when those with small dreams find themselves in avenues of substantial financial reward, often at the expense of a more significant artistic vision. The exchange on a human level, amidst this pursuit of wealth and recognition, raises thought-provoking questions about the true cost of such compromises.

The Dilemma of Leadership:

Leadership, tasked with steering the ship towards growth and success, faces a peculiar dilemma when dealing with such individuals. Annual hierarchy growth becomes a ritual, and the status quo is maintained, often at the expense of team morale and the organization's overall well-being. The reluctance to address the issue head-on may stem from time constraints or a perceived irreplaceability that the toxic individual holds within the intricate web of the organization.

Personal Narratives:

In sharing a personal experience, the narrative unveils a dichotomy within the team dynamic. While genuine camaraderie exists among team members committed to growth and impact, the presence of a toxic element creates fractures. The juxtaposition of organizing healing masses and receiving warnings about potential religious biases reflects the paradoxical nature of relationships within the team.

In conclusion, the cost of silence, of not boldly calling out toxic behavior with a resounding 'shame on you,' becomes increasingly apparent in the evolving landscape of global economies. As we aspire to build stronger, more inclusive societies that recognize and celebrate diversity, turning a blind eye to toxicity hinders progress. It's a moment for collective reflection, a call to dismantle the structures that normalize harmful behavior and foster environments where every individual can contribute to the growth of a healthier, more dynamic, and equitable workplace.

#CreatingKinderContent ? with #MallikaBajaj Mallika Bajaj Penguin Publishing Group Stephen Pigott Stephen Manallack RK Bajaj Advit Sahdev Viraj Sheth Major Gaurav Arya (Retd) Dr. K. Shelette Stewart Willpower “Will” Harris Ester Martinez Farhana Muna Dr Vikram Sampath, FRHistS