Shame and Trauma go hand and hand

I deeply worry about us a humans especially us as Black people and even more as Black professionals. I worry because there doesn't seem to be anyplace to go to talk about the emotional stumbling blocks for us as Black professionals especially Black women. As I have talked to Black professional women I have heard some version of this issue of shame and trauma that gets blended into our professional worlds. It is as if we should be able to "handle it".

There is of course the route of seeking counseling and other therapeutic treatments and I, for one, am a believer in that route as an individual for one's mental health. But I worry because I believe its more of an issue in the professional world than we are ever allowed to say "out loud" as it relates to our places of employment.

And why can't we talk about it? For the very same reason that it exist - if I am Black as a professional and most often governed in some way by "white power", "white priviledge" or even governed by very "own" and they too operate with elements of internalized oppression - the result is the same. I am silenced. I am silenced because of my fear about losing my job. or losing the "good name" earned over years of giving my all. Or I am silenced because of my fear that someone will find out that I am "really not good enough" - the imposter syndrome or I am silenced by my fear of not being perfect - not being allowed to make any mistakes or admit I simply do not know the answer. My silence is a weapon against my soul.

And my silence leads to my "shame". The big bad wolf - shame. Per Webster: A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. And the expert in "shame" - Brene' Brown - "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging - something we've experienced, done or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection"

As a Black professional, no matter how competent I am; no matter how many degrees I hold or levels of experience, as long as structural racism persist as a permanent condition in our society, there is something about me as a Black or brown professional that renders me "less than". If I am not vigilant, it can yield me as "unworthy" and a moment of "shame" drops into my spirit. The moment shame visits my soul, the voices of shame swirl through my dreams and dominate what I used to call sleep.

And the worse are those moments when my "own community" in leadership roles because of their trauma - because of their shame - their internalized oppression, when they become the "oppressor" and also determine "I" am unworthy. Yet those around me deserve the best I have to give them, so "shame" is put aside until it returns to dominate my dreams.

In the professional world, these lines are blurred by HR standards, policies and practices. So where does one go. In the world of leadership and governance, it gets even worst to separate out the behaviors of those who themselves act from a space of internalized oppression. Often times, they are simply unaware of the behavior or even the root cause of it.

How do we make space for professionals of color to talk about their shame, their trauma and even their own internalized oppression and behaviors that go along with all three.