No shame in taking the meds!!

I'll be honest.

Last April for the first time in 4 years being in Perth, I had an out-of-blue psychotic episode.

It probably was triggered by the recent lockdown with a new set of changes that came with it.

I also was struggling with other personal issues not to mention having no work, having lots of free time with no social activity.

And that led to my first medical journey for mental health, alongside a 2-week hospital stay, which was not as bad as I used to think.

But what really helped me back into my sane self were the two medications. One for the psychotic episode, to stop from recurring, and one for depression.

It was crucial for me to get those medications. And the good part was that they worked.

And while the psychotic medication was stopped in the next 6 months. The medication for depression was prescribed for the next two years at least.

Initially agreeing, over time, when things changed, I started working and lockdown ended, as I started feeling happier and busier, I found no reason to continue the meds. And so I without consulting with the doctor decided to stop. For the next three months, I felt just fine and felt totally over my depression. I even posted someone here that I am finally over depression for good.

Happy about the decision, but then something happened. A week of work came, where I found myself constantly agitated, nervous, anxious, and unable to hold a smile, as if walking on eggshells. I was also unable to keep my attention on tasks at hand as my mental chatter, all negative kept me in its grips. It suddenly felt really hard to wake up for work and a gloom held my days.

I wondered where it was all coming from, not realizing it was my depression kicking in. I decided to share my feelings with my bro and mom.

He told me to go to a therapist and talk it out, and so I started looking up. But fear of how expensive it would be and also whether they will be able to help me stayed and made me reluctant to approach. And I felt I need to do it on my own. I resorted to my most known remedy. Prayers and khak-e-shifa. I believe in that stuff. As soon as I started khak-e-shifa. I also found a will to restart my medication for depression, which was still there where I left them, all the while lying my parents about still taking them, when I was not.

And I realised something.

It seemed like they were able to hold me back from going into the dumps. The chatter was still there, but their power on my mood and feelings was marginal. I was suddenly less emotionally charged and more present. And even if the thoughts did not end, they were not getting in my way to work and be okay. I also felt it was a bit easier to smile naturally.

And I felt like I have found the magic pill. While I was unable to appreciate these meds before, this episode got me committed to them in a more religious way.

I feel more confident, happy, relaxed, comfortable in my own skin, and deal with issues and others.

I am happy to share the name of this medication just so you do ask your medical practitioner to prescribe this for your mild to severe depression - which is general hopelessness and helplessness feeling that is not letting you smile as readily and being well in present.

Just after writing this, I got yet another psychosis attack. Medication yet again came to the rescue as I was able to get over it after a week and more of panic attacks. The medication does help, given you are not using other substances that reduce their power to work.

If anything you can take from my experience it is that seeking medical help for your depression or any other mental ailment is a lifesaver. And while it may not always work overnight consistently sticking with it can significantly help in your feeling okay.

Farida Nizamuddin is a mental health advocate with lived experience of psychosis and depression and loves sharing her thought and journey with individuals anywhere.