Is shame the right tool to create compliance during these uncertain times? I think there's a better way.

I read an interesting article today which suggested shame should be used as a tool for compliance, and this led me to think whether shame is a valid approach to aligning people to expected behaviours.

One of the things I’m seeing as a result of the Covid_19 pandemic is a growing trend of ‘calling people and companies out’ where some consider them to be mis-aligned to what we expect from them in the current climate. Does this really work though? Do we think through the impact it really has? 

It's a complex conundrum to consider, which touches on many facets of my work and on society in general, whether in the midst of a pandemic or in ‘normal’ day to day. When reflecting I was drawn to four key points.

Firstly, People’s beliefs and values. Self-isolation, social distancing and not panic buying are all behaviours we are now expected to show. As we know, our behaviours are driven by our beliefs and values. For some, for example, those with high self-orientation or those who place little value on the welfare of others, they will struggle to demonstrate the new behaviours. Being called out will have little impact as what they are being asked to do doesn’t align with what is at their core. We should remember that we are asking people to change behaviour rapidly and under duress so the question we need to ask is, ‘how do we connect the change we seek with their values?’ rather than ‘going against the grain’ and expecting a successful outcome.

Secondly, how quickly expectations of each of us is changing. I can’t remember a time when a week has felt so long given the tidal wave of changes we’re being asked to absorb. This time last week my husband was working as normal in Wales and other than being asked to wash his hands more often not much was different. Now we are all at home, staying in to help flatten the curve on the orders of the Government whilst working through the challenge of having to manage with significantly less income (as he is self-employed), home-school two kids and worry about our parents who live hundreds of miles away. When things move this quickly, what was starting to be accepted quickly becomes out of date. New norms aren’t always clear and take time for people to process. We need to figure out what that means and how we are now expected to behave. Balance this with our desire for ‘everything now’ approach and the rising amounts of fear driven from the uncertainty and conflicts are bound to flare up. Stepping back and reflecting, allowing time to think and realising that it might take longer for others to do the same will help expectations become clearer and easier, thus helping us to adopt new behaviours.

Next; the increased propensity in society for ‘mob justice’ This is amplified through social media and digital channels and it is currently rife. Shame focuses on creating reputational damage and the behaviour of some people and organisations may well deserve this. However, we are all under duress and there is a danger that we can be sucked into a negative spiral and create a disproportionate response to the original action. It’s tough, people will make mistakes and get things wrong. The ability to keep perspective and understanding will be really valuable for everyone on the next few months. Respecting people and remembering the #bekind campaign will be key.

Lastly, how people find a way, whether right or wrong. As mentioned, shame works by damaging the reputation of individuals or organisations which requires events to be in the public eye. It is built into our ego and our survival instinct to keep doing the things we feel we must do to protect ourselves. This can lead to the wrong behaviours continuing out of site or going underground such as panic/bulk buying via online shopping, people meeting up out of sight (anyone remember being a teenager and sneaking out?) or claiming work or travel is essential or you can’t work from home. When it goes underground it becomes harder to see and harder to use shame to create the expected behaviours. Sometimes we must accept that people will just do the wrong things and we can’t change them.

For me, whilst it can be effective shame feels like a negative approach in an already negative situation. It creates a win:lose situation or confrontation. So, what can we do?

I believe there is more value in seeking to emphasise and take a positive approach, highlighting people and organisations behaving in the right way. Positive does not mean soft or nicey-nicey, rather it means finding a mutual way forward to achieve the goal. We could be thinking about:-

• Creating and sharing simple, positively-framed messages – remember the brain works with positive instructions so #stayhomenow is a brilliant example, as is wash your hands for 20 seconds and stay 2 metres apart. Share why it is important so people can engage with the message.
• Using compassion to highlight the reason why we need compliance. The videos of our NHS teams asking us to think about our approach in order to help them help us, tugs at our emotional roots and allows us to feel compassion for them and a sense of solidarity which can drive a willingness to do the right thing.
• Clarifying and repeating expectations – new habits and behaviours take time and people feel uncomfortable whilst transitioning. Repeat messages and check people understand them. Highlight examples of what good looks like so people can copy
• Listening and understanding other’s perspectives – seek to understand before being understood said Stephen Covey, now is an ideal time to practice this and it is even more important whilst we are under duress (stress, worry, fear amongst others). People will be going through the change or transition curve, it’s a great tool to help understand how people are feeling and how you can help them  
• Catching people doing things well – a key message from my recent podcast with Pano Christou. (You can listen here). Most people and organisations are doing the right things right, let’s use recognition ahead of shame to show what we expect. If I see others doing it, I’m more likely to copy, what are we seeing publicised most – the right or wrong behaviours?
• Challenging the wrong behaviours respectfully – it is still important to tackle issues and even more so than usual as they can have such massive consequences. However, we should always aim to be respectful – how many #COVIDIOTS do you think have really changed their thinking as a result of being labelled in this way? When challenge is respectful and constructive,
• I believe you give the other person a choice – get it right or wrong? It then becomes their decision and they then reap the benefit or suffer the consequences, rather than it being you doing it to them.

So, for me it comes down to your choice on how to approach the current situation and others in the future. Whilst shame can work to help modify behaviours, my choice would always be to look at more positive options to help shape beliefs and values to generate the behaviours you are looking for.

I'm a behavioural change life coach working with leaders and professionals. Visit my website here