Shakespeare vs. ChatGPT

This was inevitable. Every weirdo writing hack—from an infinite number of monkeys to Gemini—will eventually get around to Shakespeare.

His line from MacBeth reigns glorious and majestic as the most quoted sentence of all time. It is irreducibly existential, calling to question the heart of the human struggle with being and getting right to the essence of Stoicism, though I doubt Shakespeare was aiming for it.

It works because of its parallel, mirroring structure—not too far off from Dickens' infamous opener—balancing opposites to develop tension. Then, the second half, which no one gives enough credit to. If Macbeth had simply stated "To be, or not to be," full stop, it would have been a pretty good line. But finishing with "that is the question." gives the statement heft. It gives it a humanity and a spirit that comes from a place of deep creativity.

Which A.I. will murder ruthlessly. Let's watch.

First, the Hemingway app.

To be, or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And by opposing end them.

Terrible. Ugly. Wrong in every way. What would Yoast do? Actually, Yoast left it alone. It did advise shorter sentences but otherwise, received a green light for publishing. Hmm, maybe A.I. won't ruin Shakey after all...

Psyche! ChatGPT hates literature:

Ahem:

"The big question is: should we put up with all the pain and struggles life throws at us, or should we fight back against our sea of problems and, by fighting, end them?

I feel the only suitable response is to levy a fusillade of Shakespearian insults onto ChatGPT. But it may catch every one and turn it on itself....

From Henry IV:

The original insult: Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!

ChatGPT: Scram, you skinny latte, you elf-sized yoga mat, you beef jerky, you energy drink, you unsalted pretzel!

From Macbeth:

The Original Insult: Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear, Thou lily-liver’d boy

ChatGPT: Go ahead, poke your face with those acne creams, and blush up your scare, you chicken nugget!

From Timothy of Athens

The Original Insult: I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.

ChatGPT: I might consider besting you in a challenge, yet I'm concerned it could compromise the cleanliness of my hands

The Winner is Shakespeare!