The shadow you cast

As a leader, our teams are continually watching us, looking for the difference between what we say and what we do. If I had a pound for every time I heard: “Do as I say, not as I do”, I would be a rich man! 

It is all very well talking about principles and values, but unless you are living and breathing them, you are highly unlikely to gain buy-in from other people. If you say to your team: “Listening is important”, but continually interrupt them, what impact will this have on them?

If you say: “Creating and open feedback culture is important” and then proceed to have a corridor conversation behind someone’s back, what does that mean to your team or about you as a leader?

Your team will be looking for your words to match your actions. Here is a great story that brings this to life for me.

'In the 1930s there was a young boy who had become addicted to and obsessed with eating sugar.

His mother decided to get help and took the long and hot journey with her son, walking many miles and hours under the scorching sun. She finally reached Gandhi and asked him to tell her son to stop eating sugar; it wasn't good for his health.

Gandhi replied: "I cannot tell him that, but you may bring him back in a few weeks and then I will talk to him." 

The mother was confused and upset and took the boy home. Two weeks later she came back. This time Gandhi looked directly at the boy and said: “Boy, you should stop eating sugar. It is not good for your health.” The boy nodded his head and promised he wouldn't. The boy’s mother was puzzled.

She asked: "Why didn't you tell him that two weeks ago when I brought him here to see you?"

Gandhi smiled and said "Mother, two weeks ago, I was eating a lot of sugar myself."’

There’s a type of boss who tells everyone to stay late, then leaves the office promptly at 5 pm; a team leader who criticises everyone for spending time on the Internet yet is discovered shopping online in the middle of the afternoon or a CFO who recommends redundancies to stop ‘unnecessary spending’, then travels first class.

Do you know any of these people?

There is nothing worse for company morale than leaders who practice the ‘do as I say, not as I do’ philosophy. When this happens, you can almost see the loss of enthusiasm, goodwill and general morale being replaced with cynicism and disappointment amongst their team.

No matter what the situation is, double standards – witnessing people saying one thing and then doing another – always feel like a betrayal, which can be very destructive. If this has ever happened to you, you can probably remember the disappointment you felt of being let down.

If you're in a leadership position, you know you have a responsibility to your team; they look to you for guidance and strength - that's part of what being a leader is. Another big part of leadership responsibility is to lead others with your actions. As a leader, part of your job is to inspire the people around you to push themselves to greatness; you must show them the way by doing it yourself.

Emotional contagion in leadership can spread across a team like a virus.

Leaders set the tone, the mood and atmosphere at work. Unlike cognitive behaviour, emotions struggle to be left at the office door and because employees are very aware of their leaders’ emotions, leaders can strongly impact the mood of an employee. When employees are ‘infected’ by the moods of others, particularly their leaders, it impacts on everything around them.

Leaders can directly impact the emotions of a team – This is known as emotional contagion.

Emotional contagion evolved as a sort of social glue, useful for cementing personal relationships. The famous psychoanalyst Gerald Schoenewolf described it as: “A process in which a person or group influences the emotions or behaviour of another person or group through the conscious or unconscious induction of emotion states and behavioural attitudes”.

Emotional contagion can impact in both the positive and negative. The key to understanding emotional contagion in leadership is to first understand yourself as a leader. It is hugely important to train yourself to be aware of your mood and to put a focus on moving your mindset from negative to positive. We all have the power to teach ourselves to manage our emotional suite to ensure that we deliberately lift our spirits before interacting with the group.

Everything you think, feel, say and do is either a service or a disservice to yourself and everyone around you.

Leading by example

Let’s think about some examples of the inspiring people who have changed our world, for example; Mahatma Gandhi spent most of his adult life living what he preached to others. He was committed to non-violent resistance to protest injustice, and people followed in his footsteps. He led India to independence because his life proved that it could be done. 

Although Gandhi's situation might be very different from yours, the principle remains the same; when you lead by example, you create a picture of what's possible.

People can look at you and say: "Well if he can do it, I can do it." When you lead by example, you make it easy for others to follow you.

How does your team feel when you tell them to do one thing, then you go and do the exact opposite? 

If you have experienced this before, then you may remember how you felt, possible anger or disappointment or both. When leaders don't "practice what they preach," it can be almost impossible for a team to work together successfully.

How do we trust leaders who talk about one thing, then do something else?

Imagine what could have happened if Gandhi had been in a physical fight with his opposition. His important message of non-violent protest would have been much harder to believe after that. His followers would have looked at him with suspicion and distrust, and the chances of them getting into physical arguments or committing acts of violence would have increased dramatically.

To relate to your team, if you say one thing and yet do another, there is a slim chance that they will follow you with much enthusiasm and why should they? Everything you tell them after that may be met with suspicion and doubt. They may not trust that you're doing the right thing or that you know what you're talking about.

They may no longer believe in you.

Good leaders push their people forward with excitement, inspiration, trust, and vision.

They act as role models. They understand the shadow they cast