THE SHADOW THAT STRENGTHENS US

Some self-reflections as the year comes to an end.

For over 14 years, I’ve been running Pressure Cooker Studios, (a Music and Audio studio in Cape Town). You’d think that after all this time, I’d feel like I know what I’m doing, but honestly, there are still days when I feel like an imposter. That little voice creeps in, whispering, “Do you really belong here? Are you good enough?” I know I’m not alone in this, we all feel it at some point.

What I’ve learnt though, is that these doubts of mine can also be harnessed into my strength. That shadowy voice in the back of my mind doesn’t just remind me of my limits, it pushes me to keep trying, to keep growing. It’s not about silencing the voice but listening to it differently. Instead of letting it paralyze me, I let it drive me. It’s accepting that I’ll never be the best, and that’s okay, it means I’ll always strive to be better.

When we started this journey, the odds weren’t exactly in our favor. There were so many “you can’t” statements thrown at us. You can’t build a world-class studio in Cape Town. You can’t work on top-tier films from South Africa. You can’t make a living as a ‘creative’ here. But we ignored them and kept going. We didn’t have all the answers, and we still don’t. What we did have was the belief that there’s no such thing as “can’t.” There’s only doing.

It’s not always easy. There have been times when the weight of running a business and staying creatively inspired felt impossible. Moments when giving up seemed like the only logical choice. But I’ve come to realize that those moments, the ones where it feels darkest, are often right before a breakthrough. It’s like creativity thrives in that tension. I like to think of this as contraction and expansion. You can’t have one without the other.

It’s also not just about reframing negative thoughts, it’s about accepting uncertainty and the unknown. I heard about the idea of? “negative capability” (from an Instagram reel my wife sent me actually), and it really hit home. Originally written by the poet John Keats over 200 years ago, the term “negative capability” was used to highlight the ability to remain open to the mysteries of life and creativity, rather than succumbing to a need for logical resolution or concrete meaning. The need for constant certainty can stifle imagination and growth.

Just like I try to harness my doubts into the fuel that drives me, I now try to see uncertainty not as a weakness or a problem, but rather as a “capability”, a strength to navigate life and work with openness.

Some of the best work we’ve done as a studio came out of those moments of not knowing, of experimenting, of leaning into the uncertainty instead of fighting it.

This journey isn’t about perfection or certainty. It’s about persistence. It’s about embracing the shadow self, leaning into ‘negative capability’, and rejecting the lie of “can’t.” Most importantly, it’s about showing up, on the good days, the bad days, and the ones where you feel like giving up.

If you’re reading this and you’ve felt that same weight, know that you’re not alone. None of us really knows what we’re doing all the time, and that’s okay. You don’t need all the answers to take the next step. Sometimes you just need to show up, even when you feel like you can’t. Especially then. So, if the doubts are creeping in, let them. But don’t let them stop you. Keep going, it’s always darkest before dawn.