Shadow Leadership Part 1: Seeing in the Dark

We notice when sunlight hits the body, the body turns bright, but it throws a shadow, which is dark. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.” -Robert Bly

We all have a shadow. There are the parts of ourselves that we celebrate, that we want to draw attention to, and want other people to notice. These are the parts of ourselves that we identify with, that we want to “shine a light on”. However, there are also the parts of us that we consciously or unconsciously try to forget, ignore, deny, and keep hidden in some dark corner. These are the parts of ourselves that we don’t want to identify with; this is our shadow. Whether we like it or not, each one of us is a synthesis of both these two elements of the human psyche.

Our shadow is a significant part of who we are. It can be our enemy or a strong ally; the difference is in whether we are ignorant and unconsciously working against our own self or whether we are aware and seeking integration. A common mistake is to think that the human shadow is all the “bad” things about ourselves. This is simply not the case. Our shadow is what we have labeled “undesirable” based on our interpretation of past experiences. We may have spoken our mind once as a child and our parents scolded us for “being rude”. We took this to mean that impulsiveness and honesty were “undesirable” and became more reserved, more guarded about what we said. As time went on, we were praised for being “quiet”, “pleasant”, “sweet” and “polite” – these attributes got more light, seemed more highly valued, and became something that we wanted to identify more closely. Although in certain social circles impulsiveness may be frowned upon (usually because others have not allowed themselves to speak freely), it is not inherently negative. In some situations, impulsiveness - especially when refined and developed - can be a hugely beneficial and desired characteristic (e.g. comedy/ acting, leadership, entrepreneurship, innovation). Impulsiveness is just one example of a whole multitude of traits or strengths that at some point or another we may have relegated to our shadow.

The challenge with our shadow is that no matter how we feel about it – it is still part of us (and always will be). In many cases, our shadow includes elements of ourselves that make us feel the most alive and energized. However, in deciding to ignore or forget about those parts, we settle for just working with the limited resources that we have left. If we take the time to become aware of what lies in our shadow and develop and refined those strengths, they can be great assets to us – not only from a self-acceptance standpoint, but also because we are able to leverage many more of our natural strengths. It’s similar to having a whole workshop full of tools but locking half of them in the closet. You can still build things, but it may take significantly more effort, may not come out as nicely, and may be more frustrating.

By ignoring our shadow, not only are we neglecting to leverage many of our inherent strengths, we may also be unconsciously make life much more difficult for ourselves. In Robert Bly’s The Little Book on the Human Shadow, he cleverly describes three ways that ignorance or denial of our shadow can undermine our own efforts.

• The Long Black Bag – Similar to the impulsiveness example above, from an early age there are things that get attention or get ignored, things that get positive reactions and negative reactions, and things that we see everyone else doing. From these observations, we begin the process of trying to associate more with the “good” things about ourselves we try to identify more strongly with, while the “bad” things get shoved in a “long black bag” that trails behind us. Over time that black back gets increasingly full but we still have to drag it behind us wherever we go. More and more of our energy goes to dragging the bag behind us and making sure nothing that is in the bag gets out. Subsequently we have less energy available to put toward expressing ourselves and creating our work in the world.
• Projection – In psychology, “projection” is when a perceived personal inferiority is perceived as a moral deficiency in someone else. The things that we’ve put in our long black bag are things about us that for some reason we have deemed inferior. As a result, those are also the things that we often project onto others. For example, if I was taught at an early age to be agreeable and not cause conflict, then I may really dislike individuals that are strongly opinionated or strong willed. In the case of projection, the dislike is exaggerated because at a subconscious level those individuals demonstrate that it is ok to feel/act in a way that I have place off limits for myself (even though I do feel that way at times). Since I have placed it off limits for myself, the same should be true for everyone else. No? Projection distorts one’s perception of reality and creates difficult dynamics for everyone involved; it makes the self-repressed person bitter and angry while making the other person confused as to why their behaviors are being received with such hostility. This in turn, sets off a whole chain of more subtle interpersonal reactions.
• Regression – At some point in our lives, we may be forced (or decide ourselves) to look into our black bag at the things that we put in there decades ago. This can be a very scary endeavor; not just because these are the elements of ourselves that we have tried to deny or ignore, but also because after being stuck in the black bag for so long the these things (sexuality, anger, freedom, etc.) have actually regressed – they’ve de-evolved to a more primitive states and have also become much more hostile than they originally were. It takes dedicated work and patience to truly turn these shadow elements into allies, but it is possible and they can actually become some of our most powerful strengths (this will be discussion for a future post).

This week I only wish to bring awareness to the notion of shadow - shine some light on it, if you will: how to begin seeing our own shadow, seeing it in others, seeing it in our organizations, and realizing that within it lies great potential for much fuller expression of ourselves in the world.

At the individual level, you may begin to discover your shadow by noticing where you have the strongest negative reactions in working with others. When that habituated response starts to emerge, pause for a moment and ask: “why does that person or behavior bring up such a negative reaction for me?” For example, maybe it bothers you when others take time to celebrate their successes. Maybe it seems like a waste of time because “there is always more to do” and “success should be an expectation (not a pleasant surprise)”. Beneath those notions may be a child whose accomplishments weren’t always recognized (e.g. a report card with all A’s and one B where the response from the parents was “what happened with this B?”). Fast forward 40 years; why should others be allowed to celebrate when it is not (subconsciously) ok for you to do the same? This is how shadow shows up individually and in our teams.

Organizations also have their shadow. Organizational shadows are the things that keep undermining the organization’s efforts. They are parts of the culture that are loosely known, but no one sees or addresses them directly. With any type of transformational strategy, if an organization is unaware of their actual culture (or blind to the shadow side of their culture) initiatives will often be ineffective. For example, many organizations have a desire to become true innovative/learning organizations. They may buy or build complex information sharing platforms or create highly specialized roles within an organization to foster innovation. However, if the shadow side of the organization’s culture doesn’t have an inherent curiosity, desire to share, or is not interested in what is new or different, then these measure are ineffective or sometimes even generate the opposite reaction. Digging a bit deeper, it may be that within the organization there is a significant aging demographic that has historically been rewarded based on individual performance. Since this organizational layer’s status and power is heavily based on being good at certain existing roles, if those things change, they may find themselves feeling obsolete. That uncertainty and fear triggers greater defensiveness and stagnation (not change and openness to new ideas as was intended).  In understanding this about the organization, there are very different strategies that can be used to affect the desired transformation – however, that insight only comes from awareness of the full reality – especially the shadow side of things.

There is tremendous potential locked up in our shadow, yet it is something that most of us are completely unaware.   Ignoring the shadow side of our psyche limits the resources and strengths that we bring to our everyday work, but also subconsciously works against us and undermines our efforts. Through awareness and dedicated practice, there are means of accessing, embracing, and channeling our shadow’s energy through healthy conduits to more fully express and embody more of our potential in this world. This is the promise hidden in the shadows.