Sexy Lamps

It's the September issue of Let's Talk Inclusive Language!

This advice column is a supplement to the Worthwhile Language newsletter, which comes out on the 15th of each month.

Have an inclusive language question? You can send it to [email protected]. All questions are anonymized.

Here’s a question that showed up recently on the Women in Tech subreddit:??

My husband doesn’t see anything wrong with the Palo Alto incident??

He said “is it really that big of a deal” “are you sure it wasn’t a woman designer?” I tried to explain to him why and he said I’m just making a big deal out of nothing.??

I’m so sad. I thought my husband cared about me as a woman and as an individual? He’s been so good about watching our toddler while I work on college for tech... I just don’t understand.?

Other women in tech forums had similar questions and reactions. Women reported how they were shocked and horrified at comments left by men on posts about the incident. They also reported that they were shocked and horrified that men in their lives — boyfriends, husbands, colleagues, managers, fathers, friends — didn’t seem to get it.?

So, what can we do to make it easier for “unaffected” people to get it??

We can use the principles of inclusive language to explain more than language. In fact, we can use them to drill down into precisely what’s wrong with the “women as sexy lamps” debacle at the August 2024 Black Hat computer security conference.?

What happened at this conference? Well, industry giant Palo Alto Networks sponsored a happy hour for people who work on cybersecurity. And when conference attendees arrived at the happy hour, this is what greeted them:

In both private and public forums, I’m seeing many women who are indignant that:?

1. In the year 2024, there are still tech companies publicly behaving like hot garbage.?

2. So many men in their lives don’t see this as an issue.?

Ok, but if a cybersecurity company hired models to dress as sexy lamps, that’s not about language, right? So why am I writing about this in a newsletter devoted to inclusive language??

It’s because inclusive language isn’t a list of good and bad words.

Inclusive language is actually a set of behavioral principles. Principles that are shared core values — not just here in the US, but everywhere. ? ?

And we can use these shared core values to analyze and assess both linguistic and non-linguistic behavior.?

So let’s go through my six principles and show how the Palo Alto Networks “marketing misfire” is a problem.??

1. Reflect reality. The reality is that women are full human beings and not objects. Or only there to be sexually appealing to hetero men.??

2. Show respect. It is disrespectful to treat women like objects. As if they are decorations whose only value is in their appearance and sexual appeal.? ?

3. Draw people in. Showing right at the entrance to your sponsored happy hour that your company sees women as only sexualized, decorative objects is literally repellent. I have read multiple accounts of female cybersecurity professionals who walked up to this event, saw these women, were disgusted, and left. These professional women have now lost the networking opportunities that the people who stayed were able to take advantage of.? ?

4. Incorporate other perspectives. In a public apology, the CEO of Palo Alto Networks called this a “error” and an “isolated event.” But how many people had to plan and approve this event? This shows the danger of a) homogeneous teams that can’t see why “women as sexy lamps” might be a problem, and b) teams where psych safety is so low that other perspectives can’t be heard. ? ?

Note that plenty of men in attendance were also horrified. (And presumably, also non-binary people, even though I haven’t read any of their accounts.)? ?

5. Prevent erasure. “Women as sexy lamps” welcoming you to a cybersecurity event erases the “real women as cybersecurity professionals” who should also have been in attendance.?

6. Recognize pain points. Women in tech deal with sexism all the time. And sexual harassment! Recent surveys of women in tech show 40-60% of respondents saying they’ve been sexually harassed at work. Being seen as a sexual object and not fully human is a serious pain point for women at work.? ?

So there you have it. If you are dealing with people who just don’t see why incidents like these are problematic, breaking it down using the principles can help. ? ?

Because everybody wants to be treated with respect, feel included rather than pushed out, and have their perspective incorporated.??

A final note. If this is what Palo Alto Networks was willing to do at a public-facing event during an important industry conference, what are they doing in their everyday culture? Behind closed doors, when there is far less scrutiny??

If Palo Alto Network decision makers see women mainly as sexual objects and not as technically competent workers who have value beyond their appearance, what does it mean for:?

• Hiring decisions??

• Work allocation, performance reviews, and promotion decisions??

• Making sure all people are heard in meetings and get credit for their ideas??

• Responses to sexual harassment and other hostile workplace issues??

• Ensuring that everyone can thrive at work, regardless of their gender??

What an enormous red flag these publicly sexualized and dehumanized women are for any woman who works at or has considered working at Palo Alto Networks.?

Share this article with someone who isn’t on LinkedIn.

Want more? Would you like an inclusive language toolkit that lets you or your team feel more informed and more confident?

You can order my book, The Inclusive Language Field Guide, available in all formats everywhere books are sold. Contact us for information on bulk discounts.

You can also book me for a keynote, workshop, or workshop series on inclusive language. Talks and trainings are always customized for maximum impact and are scalable for large organizations. We also do customized video courses for clients.

Did someone forward you this email? Want to sign up so you don’t miss our monthly advice about inclusive language?

Join the Worthwhile Mailing List.