My sex life has gone AWOL

Reminder: We're diving into raw topics, straight talk, harsh realities, and bold conversation.

After years of working with hundreds of men, this is the gritty truth.

If that makes you melt, feel free to bail out.

Impact isn't about trying to please everyone with a vanilla approach...

...it's about connecting with men who get it, so they can step up, take action, and improve their lives.

Today it's an issue resonating with a lot of middle-aged men...

...(especially dads).

The question from James goes…

‘Since the birth of our baby 18 months ago our sex life has dwindled to nothing.

I know my wife found it tough after giving birth.

We certainly took our time but have lost that connection.

We end up arguing if I bring it up, and now it's like a frustrated growing elephant in the room.

Thoughts?’

This is such a common issue for middle-aged men (especially newish dads).

It’s hard to unpack various scenarios in one article...

...but a lot of the feelings and frustrations are born from the same thing.

I’ll quickly tell you about that below (and it doesn't matter if you're a dad or not).

James feels frustrated that his once spicy sex life is now a bland korma.

And with the simple access to online porn...

...it would be easy to be drawn into the lure of WFH.

That’s 'Wanking From Home, not Working From Home'.

I have looked into the negative effects of porn.

(And I even interviewed the world's #1 Porn Addiction Recovery Coach - Frank Rich).

So that’s not an avenue he wants to go down.

But, let's be honest.

The birth of a baby will have a HUGE impact on most relationships.

Men are lucky that we can’t give birth…

Or breastfeed.

Because having seen the immense strength that women show...

...during the beautiful yet challenging journey of giving birth…

… and then raising a baby...

...makes me question if most of us blokes would be capable.

We have our strengths, women have theirs.

But it DOES take its toll on her body...

...and of course her hormones and sex drive.

So, let's take the issue to the present day.?

It’s over a year since a baby has been born.

James desperately wants to rekindle some of that fire in the relationship.

He feels unwanted, horny, dejected, confused, and desperate to still be considerate.

It's tough to go back to the days of sweaty sex around the house several times a week (or day!).

Especially with sleepless nights, breastfeeding, deadlines...

...and everything else that the world is throwing at us.

But no matter if you're a dad, or it’s just you and your partner…

There’s no magic fix, but here’s some practical advice to get started:

1) Communication is the gateway to progress.

With any issue or challenge in life...

...especially in relationships...

...the level and quality of communication will be a major factor.

It can be hard to talk about these things but...

...having an open and honest discussion with your partner can help clear up any confusion.

Better understand each other's situation, and find a way forward.

None of us want to be in a relationship where one of us is frustrated...

...and holding it in as a Silent Struggle.

Plus, we all have needs that must not be ignored.

Rightly or wrongly, human nature means that if our needs are not being met...

...we might go and find someone who will satisfy those needs and desires.

Especially if we are CRAVING touch, intimacy...

...the tingling feeling of skin on skin...

...and a 3-minute spooning session on a lazy hazy Sunday morning.

So, talk, or talk more to her.

After communication we have...

2) Pride in appearance.

Not the rainbow pride agenda that's captured all major organisations.

I'm talking about how you look and feel as a man.

This can be a tough one to face but…?

Look in the mirror.

Especially naked.

What thoughts and feelings come up??

'I’m in good shape' or 'I’ve let myself become a blob'?

In a hugely popular podcast with Michael LaRocque (WMA episode 100)

...he said some home truths which were:

‘Ok, she doesn't want to have sex?

Well, you're sitting on the sofa playing video games...

...with your gut hanging over your trousers.

I wouldn't want to f-ck you either.’

So, there’s NO excuse not to TRY and show up as the man you know you can be.

• Are you exercising regularly (lifting weights 2x a week)?
• Do you dress like a teenager or look stylish?
• Do you eat a generally good diet or do you shovel down processed crap?
• Are you drinking too much and your yellow bloodshot eyes are a window to your health issues?

In short, how does your partner feel when she looks at you?

Is she sad that you are a shadow of the once-energised man she once found irresistible?

Or thrilled because her friends ask what your secret is because you look strong, healthy, happy and capable?

Lastly, the BIG mistake…

3) Treating her as your emotional crutch and lacking direction.

Yes, a strong partnership or marriage has foundations in honesty and support...

...but watch this:

In that same interview, Micahel said…

'If she doesn't feel safe with your direction…

Your purpose, your leadership…

...and she has no confidence in that...

Right away she has to go into her masculine energy.

Now she's out of her feminine energy.

So she doesn't feel like having sex either.

Or not with you anyway. :)

Don't beat her down with mundane things...

... because that kills polarity in your relationship.

That'll kill the sex.

Kill everything

You won't look like a man in her eyes.

Don't just be vulnerable and blabbing to everybody.

Woe is me, and you're being the victim.

It's okay to have feelings.

We all have emotions

But we just never learned how to express ourselves.

You've gotta fix it and you have to get things done.'

So find a solid group of men you can be open and honest with...

...and reconsider your energy around the woman you love.

There’s loads more we could break down here...

...but that's a start and these are all instantly achievable.

1. Communication is key
2. Sharpen up?
3. Stop emotionally vomiting over her

If any of the above resonates, comment below.

I’d love to hear your experiences, thoughts, and other suggestions.

Next week we’ll tackle a biggie: Constantly feeling knackered.

Btw...

Our next ‘Adventurer’ experience for growth-focused men is July 5/6/7th.

It’s 2 nights escaping the rat race in the world-famous Cotswolds.

The focus is on becoming more resilient, focused, capable, and centred in the face of adversity.

We’ve created a waiting list to register your interest.

You can join it here and you’ll be first in line to get all the info and ticket release.

As always, if you have ANY questions just DM me…

Anthony

Director - Whole Man Academy