Sex - Break up - Victimisation

What is it about sex that people just want to have almost all the time?

Sex is one of nature's best remedies and experiences for pleasure and happiness. Sex is also one of the free and most effective methods of making a baby, but it comes with a lot of consequences when driven by pleasure more than a deep emotional connection.

In 2017, Stats SA revealed that 70% of children in the townships of South Africa grow up without their fathers. According to an article published by News24 on June 13, 2024, titled Father’s Day Reflection: SA’s Crisis of Fatherlessness Linked to Social Challenges, it is indicated that a 2021 survey from The Human Science Research Council shows that 60% of children in South Africa don’t live with their biological fathers, while 20% only have contact with their biological fathers twice a week.

Could it be because sex is an occasional thing that gets fuelled by the emotional connection that is now lacking and causing people to have two-minute relationships?

The kid who is a victim in such a situation grows up with seeking any methods of numbing the pain of life. The biggest rejection ever to be born into. A hurtful walk of like having to accept a deeper amount of pain that cannot be understood or rectified. A good reason for addiction or inconsistent behavior, and victimisation of others.

Can mental connection be a possible way through which we can re-establish emotional connections as people?

Just as there are certain conversations where you find yourself being more in tune with your thinking and what you say, mental connections allow people to form strong relationships that are most likely to be successful and beneficial to both partners because they can learn pieces of themselves and decide who they want to be. It further equips the individual with prioritizing their needs and identifying possible threats to themselves and their values.

When you can think of what you want, you will be able to determine who you need and, in return be able to detect accurate findings to determine whether a particular individual is looking for the same things or if they just want to stop by for a few pleasurable moments.

How can you identify your needs in others?

Start by setting up a list of questions about the things that you need to know to determine the nature of the individual. These are some of the examples for the types of questions you can ask the person.

"What was your childhood like?"

Here you want to understand whether they grew up in isolation or around people. It is important to know what people mean to them and how they view society in general. This will help you have an understanding of how their upbringing shaped how they see the world, what they stand for and how they react to societal behaviors and issues.

"Who raised you?"

You want to find out whether they were raised by a role model or someone they don't want to be like. It will help you to know whether they are positively growing or negatively impacted. A mentally positive person is most likely to be geared toward positive environments, peace, understanding and a deep desire for progress, whereas the negative-minded individual is most likely to constantly point out wrong things without providing resolution.

Negative-minded people tend to have high levels of anger and irritability which feels justified to them, putting others at risk of victimization and their self-sabotage. Communication is a big issue here, in that the individual may focus on their needs without thinking of how their actions impact others.

Asking "Who raised you" provides depth into the foundation that laid the individual's perspective and while none of us chose our circumstances, we can change our reality by choosing how we want to see the world and how others experience us.

"What is your view of a family setup?"

Do they view family as housemates or as a part of themselves? Do they believe in hierarchy structures or good leadership acumen? Are they cultural or religious? It is important to know these because you may be their family member and you must know what you mean to them and the role you are allowed to play in their lives.

If their view of a family setup is that you have to compromise your morals, values and your peace of mind, run! There is no such thing as it gets better or that they will learn to accommodate you. If it's not in them, they can't honor it.

"How do you envision yourself in a world where you have 70% control of everything in your life and around you?"

This is a big one. It's like asking someone what the first thing they would do is, should they become a president one day, and the individual says "I'll put everyone in jail" or "I will ban alcohol and introduce strict laws for human behaviors". These are all red flags, as simple as they may sound. The reality is that anyone is likely to use power to eliminate anything that disturbs them without considering the rights of others, such is a selfish person.

When an individual speaks about how they will use their power, they are letting you know how they will treat you if they have an upper hand on you. At the end of the day out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Watch out for what people say when they speak about themselves and others, especially when they have nothing to loose.

The bottom line

Fatherlessness and failing relationships are a result of an avoided conversation right at the start, which is crucial to maintaining the health of the relationship and the individuals involved. I have personally had many failed relationships in my life, including romantic relationships that fell off because I never became patient enough with myself to ask the right questions. In the end, it affects our emotional state and our view of others and the world. Causing us pain and regret.

The simplest method of losing yourself and getting hurt is how well you avoid choosing yourself when the time is right. Having this conversation allows you to know what you are dealing with and to make an informed decision. Remember that the other person is still in the honeymoon phase and they are not aware of your cautious state of mind that seeks to find the real facts about them. It is not wrong, you are conducting research.

Fatherlessness is not a physical absence but an emotional absence. Just as couples can successfully maintain long-distance relationships, any relationship between a father and child that lacks emotional connection is fatherlessness.

To avoid more damage to the lives of innocent children, you have to choose the right person. The right person will not give you a reason why they don’t deserve you, they will give you a reason to be happy and positive-minded. To choose the right person, you must know what you want. When you know what you want, you can break the cycle, even if it means helping this individual heal from their wounds through professional methods.