Sex Addiction: Raw Realities -Pt.1 - Background

"Don't let Stigma hold you hostage; reclaim your soul to succeed." - P.J. Frazer - 2021

It takes strength to forge through life's ups & downs, but it takes immense courage coupled with vulnerability to speak up truthfully as to ones struggles. Every person we meet has battles that are unseen to the human eye; this is my struggle. I am the partner of a unhappily discovered Sex Addict now on the path to recovery. Every day I wake with one goal in mind, to continue on that path of healing for myself & my family. Living life one day at a time, moving forward one step at a time, and relishing in the small victories. Held hostage by an addiction not properly understood, and stigmatized to the extreme. When peace radiates and the dust settles, it is not a time to let ones guard down as this solace will not last, but is merely the calm before the storm. Existing in a realm of deceit, pain & uncertainty, sure of only one thing; the health and welfare of my children first and foremost is my # 1 objective, #2 My health, #3 Building a Legacy to sustain a family that challenges climbing this summit. Now its easy to read my article title and cast judgement, but should you take the time to follow this tale of courage to its bitter end, perhaps you might even be enlightened. This series of articles provides an inner look into the ugly truth of sex addiction. I am not meaning the media frenzied glorified get out of jail free personified addiction. Sure everyone has heard of the famous actors, actresses, sports icons who have strayed to the extremes on there partners, clutching the ruse of Sex Addiction. Placing blame for their actions and rather obscene lapses in moral judgement on this addiction. Some famous perpetrators perhaps do battle Sex Addiction and others a witty get out of jail free card. I am not here to speak on that, I am here to speak on my own personal experiences start to finish of Sex Addiction in its raw, ugly, gripping reality. Before delving deep, its important to have a basic understanding of What Sex Addiction really is...

Sexual Addiction is a progressive intimacy disorder that millions of individuals struggle with. It is estimated that Sex Addiction affects the lives of 3-5% of North Americans. For every 3 men that struggle with this Addiction, 1 woman also faces the same battle. "Sexual addiction is a condition in which an individual cannot manage their sexual behavior. Persistent sexual thoughts affect their ability to work, maintain relationships, and fulfil their daily activities. Other terms for sexual addiction are sexual dependency, hypersexuality, and compulsive sexual behavior." ~ Medical News Today

"Compulsive sexual behavior disorder” has been added to the World Health Organization’s International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), describing a range of activities including casual sex with multiple partners, frequenting prostitutes, and using phone-sex or online sex-chat services. ~ Psychology Today.

Individuals suffering from Sex Addiction return to these unhealthy behaviors over and over despite adverse consequences including financial woes, job loss, disease, run ins with the law, divorce, and loss of community status. That list is only a small glimpse into the negative effects of Sex Addiction. From a partners perspective the outcome of untreated Sex Addiction present within a home, opens Pandora's box; a plethora of horror & damage caused by this illness. The mental anguish that is understandably experienced both by the addict themselves, and the loved ones in their circle of trust, causes a ripple effect ingraining itself to the core. Some non believers feel that sex addiction is merely a manifestation of depression or anxiety. The unwanted sexual acts themselves are nothing more than a coping mechanism to alleviate said depression or anxiety. While this in part is true; the sexual acting out most certainly is a coping mechanism and depression and anxiety absolutely may be present. Sex Addiction, however, in its raw reality encompasses a great deal more. Although similar to other addictions such as drugs and alcohol, the grip Sex Addiction has on the addict themselves has it's own very unique biological and psychological factors at play, that in my opinion, differ greatly from other addictions. It is not in man kinds biological make up to consume drugs or alcohol, but it is in our make up to pair bond, procreate, to love and to be loved. Of course procreation and love are not what drives mankind to sex in itself, they are only another piece to the puzzle. "Sex is a strategy we use to meet our psychological needs and not a need itself." - Mark Manson Ph. D The four most recognized fundamental psychological needs of mankind are:

1) Security ~ 2) Self-Esteem ~ 3) Autonomy ~ 4) Connection

In order to be stable, healthy individuals, we need to meet all four of these needs consistently. If we do not meet these needs, our minds may begin to rationalize ways to get them met, regardless if its at the expense of our physical or mental health. 

Part 1 of my series was to provide you, my curious reader, with a basic understanding of Sex Addiction itself. Future parts will reveal a personalized account of how this particular addiction has affected our family both untreated, and also during the rocky road to recovery!

Whether you are just curious or have a friend, family member, loved one, intermingled with this addiction, it is imperative to not allow the addiction to also consume you and your destiny. Addiction is an isolating disease, and as humans we are a social species in need of frequent connection. Research shows that social isolation is more harmful than smoking or alcoholism.

It is important for me to end this post on a positive note, so please enjoy the following quotes:

“An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate.”– Criss Jami

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean

 “Let the echo of your footsteps spark a ray of hope in the heart of the hopeless and appear as help to the helpless.” – Abhijit Naskar