Severing Ties with Social Media

In my weekly newsletter, Parenting Prose, I demystify the life altering journey of motherhood. I say the quiet part out loud: this is the *hardest* job in the world, and one that we are woefully unprepared for.

My hope is that by sharing a variety of my own experiences, I can help soften what often feels like an abrupt and wildly disorienting introduction to parenthood.

I was ~9-weeks postpartum with my oldest daughter, Zoey. The day wasn't particularly unique. All those early days of motherhood blended together in a way that was both beautifully mundane and incredibly monotonous.

I had been breastfeeding her for several minutes, mindlessly scrolling my Instagram account, when I happened to look down at her sweet face. I will never forget how I felt in that exact moment. She was staring up at me, searching for my eyes, and I was instantly overcome by the feeling that she had been waiting a long time for me to connect with her.

It was this singular eye opening moment that forever changed my relationship with social media.

I was in the middle of a "self compassion" journey (still am!), and instead of the typical scolding I would have given myself a few months prior, I got genuinely curious as I would with a close friend.

Why was I prioritizing scrolling through random influencers' Instagram stories over bonding with my newborn? When I mustered up the courage to check the screen time setting on my phone, I was appalled by how much precious time with my baby I had wasted on a 3x6 inch screen.

I knew that I wasn't going to get any closer to figuring this "motherhood" thing out if I was constantly distracted by other people's lives (who I didn't even *know*!), often comparing their cookie-cutter-version of life to my own with their perfectly edited snapshots ("How did they look that good so shortly after giving birth?!" - I'd wonder more times than I care to admit).

Modern society makes it nearly impossible to quiet our minds and tune out the thousands of distractions we're flooded with at any given moment. If it's not social media, it's the red notification symbol, or the ability to instantaneously respond to email, or the habit of "just catching up on the news" that turns into hours of scrolling.

I was surviving those early days of motherhood, but I certainly wasn't thriving. I was doing my best to keep my newborn alive and happy, but I wasn't clear on what I truly valued or how to put those values into practice.

I deleted my Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat accounts that same day I realized my priorities were misaligned. It was the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life, and I haven’t looked back once in ~5 years. That won't resonate with everyone, and that's okay - it's what I knew I had to do to refocus my time and energy on the most important relationship in my life at the time.

In an unexpected and surprising turn of events, once I became less "connected" on social media, my connections in the real world strengthened significantly.

When I'm eager to hear updates from friends, I proactively call & text them.

I schedule 1:1 time to meet them for dinners or have them over for a quality visit with me and my three kids.

The journey to identifying my values of growth, connection, and health didn't happen right away, but I was able to reallocate the time I had spent on social media where it really mattered - on getting to know myself.

The easiest way for me to start getting in touch with myself was eliminating the #1 distraction in my life - social media.

If you're looking to get back in touch with yourself (or perhaps meet yourself for the first time), I'd encourage you to complete a personal audit of where you're spending your time and energy. If you feel up to the challenge, try eliminating the biggest distraction in your life for just one day and see how you feel.

Self-awareness is a journey, and it can't begin until you cut through the noise and reallocate your time & energy on the most important person in your life: you.