Seven Ways Being a Parent Made Me a Better Leader

Last month, my wife and I dropped off our oldest son at college.

It’s was a bittersweet moment—as it is for any parent. It’s not easy to watch your child walk off on his or her own, into the world of adult freedoms and responsibilities. The mix of emotions is common. In fact, the Wall Street Journal recently published a “survival guide” for parents like me.

Transitions like these cause us to reflect on how we’ve done. In this case, on the most important leadership assignment there is: partnering with your spouse to raise a kind, thoughtful, productive, values-driven citizen of the world.

Parenting shares many things with corporate leadership—accountability, planning for the future, finding resources, effectively delivering guidance and coaching, and, when necessary, putting the truth on the table.

But the reality is, my son (and my other two children) have made me a better leader—far more than being a leader helped me be a better parent. Parenting tests you to the core in your ability to navigate emotions—the whole range—and still lead.

Here are seven ways in which my kids have made me a better leader:

1. Listening. OK, my daughter still says I’m awful at this. But I’m better at it than I once was.
2. Patience. To teach and to watch when mistakes happen. Then to use those mistakes to teach some more.
3. Understanding the journey. Each outcome is a step in a long trek. When you fail, you learn from it. When you succeed, you celebrate—but not too much, because there is always another challenge. It’s always a process toward maturity—or whatever long-term objective you’ve set.
4. Knowing limitations. Especially the limitations of your own experience in helping others.
5. Values are your compass. This is the ultimate truth. In the most critical moments, you have to steer toward core values: integrity, self-respect and self-determination, yet being focused on the needs of others.
6. Truth and compassion can coexist. It’s possible to be both tough and fair.
7. Overcoming challenges. I’ve seen that every challenge can be overcome. In the best cases, they make you stronger.

Parenting Lessons for the C-Suite

Now that I’m the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I’m surprised at the number of times I go to that list of lessons. It makes me even more grateful for the training my three kids have given me as a parent.

Just this month, I had to deliver a tough message to our employees—a series of changes to improve Lilly’s productivity, including workforce reductions of 3,500 jobs. Most of that number will come through an attractive voluntary early retirement program. But it was still hard news. So I tried to acknowledge that difficulty, while also explaining why it’s the best thing for the company.

“Let's be honest. It'll be difficult to say goodbye to colleagues and friends and mentors,” I told our employees. “But I also know what Lilly people can do, and I think this plan, along with your energy and effort, can take this company to new heights.“

Or take listening as an example. I’ve learned from my kids that listening to all sides is the best way to diffuse a difficult conversation. So when the 13 members of Lilly’s executive committee face a critical or controversial decision, I go around the room and ask each of them to say yes or no and explain why. So that they know I’ve heard them. The result has been better decisions and better follow-through.

At other times, as CEO, I have to make very tough and non-obvious calls—usually alone in my office. At those moments, my kids have helped me realize, you must turn to your values to guide you—integrity, the needs of customers, your long-term focus.

The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Love

Still, as my wife and I drove away from my son’s campus, we felt the lumps in our throats and the doubts in our heads.

We were sad that he’s far away—but happy for his independence.

We flashed back to all the parenting moments we got wrong—but then felt so blessed, because he loves us anyway.

We wanted to hop out of the car and deliver one last piece of advice—but we knew he didn’t want it or need it. We’ve prepared him well, and he’ll figure it out. And if he doesn’t, we’ll be there for him.

We felt grateful that he is healthy, happy and, by all indications, well on his way to becoming the kind, thoughtful, productive, values-driven man we’ve always wanted him to be.

We were reminded, once again, that parenting is the toughest leadership job—and the best.